In my years as a psychologist, I have come to believe that most people seeking psychotherapy are unhappy. This is not only due to earlier hurts and traumas, as well as present frustrations and problems, but because they cannot access earlier happy moments often enough. The unfortunate result is not being able to experience enough positive states of well-being. It is these unique states of well being that I have come to label THE ENCHANTED SELF.
Many scientists of human behavior recognize that we do not yet, and perhaps never can, fully understand human nature. I have become more and more convinced that we do not. What interests me, is that we do not fully understand some people, who have apparently fortunate lives but experience little joy, while others, apparently less fortunate, experience great joy. Perhaps we have tried too hard to understand pathology in our science of psychology, and have not tried hard enough to recognize and understand what I call ego-states, or happiness.
When I first began to analyze the data from the women I interviewed, I kept trying to understand how their enchanted adult lives evolved from the childhoods they talked about. I found that although there seemed to be some clear connections, many others were not clear at all.
The capacities of these women to reclaim positive aspects of their childhood, while discarding the dysfunction that was often also present, was astounding to me. It seemed as if a magic wand had been tapped on the women's heads in their adult lives.
For example, when Edith talked about her childhood, she at first remembered only its dysfunctional aspects: the fighting between her parents and their constant criticality. I suggested that we go back and look again at her childhood to identify times when, in spite of the pain of family life, she felt excited about her own life and about herself. With this encouragement, she could separate out positive memories of herself from dysfunctional family experiences. She started remembering some wonderful times: delightful family picnics, fishing with her grandfather, and more.
An activity you can do to start on the positive road of Enchantment:
What are some golden moments in your childhood when you felt particularly happy? These moments can be from any age, from your earliest memories through early adulthood. When you find a golden memory, enjoy it. See yourself at that age and experiment with letting different senses reconnect to that happy time. Can you remember the way your body felt? Can you remember what activity you were engaged in? Were there any aromas? What was the weather like? How did things look around you? What did your
mood feel like? Take time to really enjoy this happy memory of yourself.
I wish you a joyful journey. I hope that your life feels whole and that you find your past, whether beautiful or painful, a repertoire of talents and capabilities is that are uniquely yours. I hope that your talents, capacities and potential will give you a sense of well being as they thrust you into the world in meaningful ways.
About The Author
Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein , originator of THE ENCHANTED SELF?, a method of bringing delight and meaning into everyday living, invites you to view her new line of ENCHANTED WOMAN products, downloadable e-books, and free gifts at http://www.enchantedself.com. Chat with others in Dr. Holstein's e-group, http://www.enchantedself.com, and sign up for her free e-group at http://www.enchantedself.com. Order her book, THE ENCHANTED SELF: A Positive Therapy, or the CD-rom or tape version and her book RECIPES FOR ENCHANTMENT: The Secret Ingredient is YOU!, or the ED-rom version, at her website.
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carWhile trying to ignore my teen daughters rap music a... Read More
Many of us allow our fear to stop us in... Read More
Your ability to forgive those who have hurt you in... Read More
Who are the Whiners? Whiners are the people who always... Read More
Have you truly tried and still failed? Have you pushed... Read More
Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More
It sounds a little masochistic, but I actually appreciate being... Read More
In my years as a psychologist, I have come to... Read More
Attitude, has a way of preening itself, often without awareness... Read More
Everyone faces challenges during their life, from suffering the death... Read More
The power of positive thoughts to affect one's experience of... Read More
Have you ever noticed what can happen if you just... Read More
Turn negative thoughts into positive ones.Negative thoughts can be very... Read More
Life can be downright scary - sometimes more than others.... Read More
One often hears people say they can't sketch because they... Read More
The universe is vast, it's dimensions inconceivable, it's potentialities unimaginable,... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Q: I seem to beat myself before I ever get... Read More
Distortions are False Beliefs Programmed every Day by Self and... Read More
Most of us carry on a running internal dialogue at... Read More
Being the next Carmen Electra or Paris Hilton might or... Read More
Early in my career a position became available which I... Read More
Dear Friends,All human beings have a unique ability right from... Read More
Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel... Read More
Unhappy moods can be like comfortable sweaters, those old ones:... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..Many people would say that it is absolute madness to... Read More
The other evening, I was meticulously assembling and painting one... Read More
Turn negative thoughts into positive ones.Negative thoughts can be very... Read More
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone... Read More
"I have no special talents. I am only passionately curious."... Read More
Empty, Hollow, Nothing?.those words shout the sound of disappointment and... Read More
The milkman knocks at the door of the old lady's... Read More
"Who am I fooling?" "I'm a loser," "I'm too old,"... Read More
A balanced life not only leaves you feeling more fulfilled;... Read More
What is an affirmation? One possible definition is a specific... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
It started out as a windy, rainy day. A tropical... Read More
How would your life shift if you moved into what... Read More
The other day one of my "challenging clients" and I... Read More
One Friday in November, I began a journey from New... Read More
Are you a person who loves challenges, or hates them?... Read More
It really doesn't matter what your objectives are in this... Read More
So, do you love yourself?Shouldn't really be a difficult question... Read More
"Someone was hurt before you; wronged before you, hungry before... Read More
What is a paradigm? In my own words, a paradigm... Read More
Believe me, today is the most wonderful day of your... Read More
A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted... Read More
The hardest part of success is the **courage** you need... Read More
HOW YOUR OUTLOOK INFLUENCES HEALTH AND ABILITY TO CONTROL ANGERJane... Read More
Turn brutality into kindness. There is no small deed and... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |