So what is a limiting belief?
Don't you love the current expression: 'does what it says on the can'. The can is, of course, purely metaphorical and 'does what it says' suggests clarity and ultimate intelligibility.
A limiting belief, obviously, does exactly what it says on the can: it holds people back in any and every area of their life. Perfectly clear ? or is it?
In fact, the potential problem lies in the underlying assumption that the limiting beliefs sufferer actually believes they have any real and unique value, gifts and qualities. Often they don't. That's the nature of a limiting belief.
Women who have endured the brainwashing of an abusive relationship don't feel they are blessed with value, gifts and qualities. Understandably, they tend not to feel blessed at all. Even if they know, with their head, that they have certainly abilities; even if friends, family and colleagues corroborate this, they don't really believe it. It has no bearing on their emotional world.
"Yes, but?" they'll say; or, "it doesn't make me feel better about myself", or other words to that effect. They can't feel any pleasure in the good that others see in them, because they simply don't believe it. The only communications they can truly receive are on the frequency of the negative beliefs that they hold about themselves.
It's an agonising place to be, as well as endlessly frustrating for the people who try to support them.
Working with other women's limiting beliefs recently took me back to my first experience of coaching?
At first when the core question: "What's holding you back?" came up: I couldn't even formulate an answer.
I thought I was doing pretty well when I eventually came up with an answer and proudly offered it to my first coach: what was holding me back, I said, was me.
Awareness has to start somewhere, I guess. As I now see it, I was both right and wrong. What was holding me back was me ? inasmuch as it was not anyone else
But, equally, what was holding me back it was not me.
You see, we are not our self-limiting beliefs and our self-limiting beliefs are not who we are. Not at all. They are, at most, a distorting, fairground mirror, in which we glimpse a grotesque distortion of ourselves.
I know this with my head because I've learned it somewhere along my own (ongoing) journey. I believe it with my whole being because I see it in the women I work with.
They may experience themselves as a human black hole. Regardless of what goes into them, nothing unconditionally good will ever come out from them. Or so they believe. They feel condemned to sit forever on the sidelines, watching the great game of life without ever becoming full participants.
They are like hungry, urchins, whose nose is forever pressed against the window, They can see other people seated at the banquet of life and they know, they just know that they'll never participate in that feast.
Now, that knowledge is false. They have no way of predicting the future. Their view of their world is simply darkened by a self-limiting belief that appears to have all the trappings of reality. So they struggle, futilely, with a vision of the future that is crude, pessimistic, and false. That vision that crushes them daily.
And yet, as soon as they turn their focus away from themselves, they are perceptive, creative, supportive, nurturing, dynamic, multi-talented, energetic. Those qualities, and many more, are who they truly are.
Anyone who survives an abusive relationship has actually dug very deep and unearthed enormous personal resources and riches.
For as long as they continue to regard themselves through the filter of self-limiting beliefs they may well remain deaf, blind and numb to their own personal treasure. But their treasure will continue to grow and the day will come when they are able to claim it and rejoice in it.
How long will the process take? That depends. If you listen to your limiting beliefs, it'll make the seven labours of Hercules pale into insignificance.
But if you start to challenge them, if you start to ask yourself ? or better still, get someone else to ask you: 'Is it always that way?', 'Do you never??' , 'How do you know what the future holds? Do you have special gifts?' then you'll start to get some new answers and some new realizations.
You'll find that your limiting beliefs will start to fall by the wayside. You'll be surprised by how much faster you can move forward without them. And you'll be amazed to discover just how special and valuable you truly are.
(C) Annie Kaszina 2005
An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie helps women to create strong boundaries, so they can learn to build healthy, nurturing relationships where they can give and receive the love they want, safely.
Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
personalized cleaning services Des Plaines ..As I swooshed down the Zoom Flume water slide at... Read More
For some reason, most people find it easier to think... Read More
So how do we find meaning? The first step is... Read More
John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More
If you are a parent, it is up to you... Read More
"Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side... Read More
Everyone of us has the potential to successfully more through... Read More
Your ability to forgive those who have hurt you in... Read More
Would you like to be confident in the things you... Read More
"Where are your bananas?" It seemed like a logical question... Read More
Year after year I find more and more individuals saying... Read More
I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More
Empty, Hollow, Nothing?.those words shout the sound of disappointment and... Read More
Knowing yourself is the foundation of self-esteem, self confidence and... Read More
With Thanksgiving approaching, I thought it would be especially appropriate... Read More
Have you ever noticed what can happen if you just... Read More
Every emotion, wether we classify it as good or bad,... Read More
Whether it's the other kids making fun of you at... Read More
Improving this single attitude makes your days fly by. You... Read More
Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does... Read More
Words, Ignorance, and Casper The Friendly Ghost!Do your best to... Read More
I'm sure most of you remember the children's book about... Read More
One of things that Charismatic people share is an unshakeable... Read More
There is no such thing as failure ? only feedback... Read More
"The knowledge of actions or events before they occur; foresight."You... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Arlington Heights ..Have you ever dreaded an upcoming presentation, meeting or function... Read More
Do you talk with yourself? When we hear people talking... Read More
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains... Read More
What do you do when things in your life don't... Read More
Have you ever been caught up in a thought that... Read More
The only thing between you and your desire to be... Read More
At your next staff meeting lead your team through the... Read More
When we were children, we were fearless. We would stick... Read More
If you work toward what you dream, the dream can... Read More
There is no such thing as failure ? only feedback... Read More
Our thoughts really belong to the collective consciousness of the... Read More
Let's say you're ready to change some aspect of your... Read More
One often hears people say they can't sketch because they... Read More
Almost everyone experiences some form of worry one time or... Read More
Have you ever noticed how many unhappy people there are... Read More
From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More
The image you hold of yourself determines your success or... Read More
It's time to put a bad rumor to rest right... Read More
One thing that is important to realize about thought: one... Read More
Drinking damages the soul; being lustful damages the vitality; greed... Read More
"Every prayer - every thought, every statement, every feeling -is... Read More
This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when... Read More
The other day one of my "challenging clients" and I... Read More
There are only two emotions we can experience; love or... Read More
So, do you love yourself?Shouldn't really be a difficult question... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |