So what is a limiting belief?
Don't you love the current expression: 'does what it says on the can'. The can is, of course, purely metaphorical and 'does what it says' suggests clarity and ultimate intelligibility.
A limiting belief, obviously, does exactly what it says on the can: it holds people back in any and every area of their life. Perfectly clear ? or is it?
In fact, the potential problem lies in the underlying assumption that the limiting beliefs sufferer actually believes they have any real and unique value, gifts and qualities. Often they don't. That's the nature of a limiting belief.
Women who have endured the brainwashing of an abusive relationship don't feel they are blessed with value, gifts and qualities. Understandably, they tend not to feel blessed at all. Even if they know, with their head, that they have certainly abilities; even if friends, family and colleagues corroborate this, they don't really believe it. It has no bearing on their emotional world.
"Yes, but?" they'll say; or, "it doesn't make me feel better about myself", or other words to that effect. They can't feel any pleasure in the good that others see in them, because they simply don't believe it. The only communications they can truly receive are on the frequency of the negative beliefs that they hold about themselves.
It's an agonising place to be, as well as endlessly frustrating for the people who try to support them.
Working with other women's limiting beliefs recently took me back to my first experience of coaching?
At first when the core question: "What's holding you back?" came up: I couldn't even formulate an answer.
I thought I was doing pretty well when I eventually came up with an answer and proudly offered it to my first coach: what was holding me back, I said, was me.
Awareness has to start somewhere, I guess. As I now see it, I was both right and wrong. What was holding me back was me ? inasmuch as it was not anyone else
But, equally, what was holding me back it was not me.
You see, we are not our self-limiting beliefs and our self-limiting beliefs are not who we are. Not at all. They are, at most, a distorting, fairground mirror, in which we glimpse a grotesque distortion of ourselves.
I know this with my head because I've learned it somewhere along my own (ongoing) journey. I believe it with my whole being because I see it in the women I work with.
They may experience themselves as a human black hole. Regardless of what goes into them, nothing unconditionally good will ever come out from them. Or so they believe. They feel condemned to sit forever on the sidelines, watching the great game of life without ever becoming full participants.
They are like hungry, urchins, whose nose is forever pressed against the window, They can see other people seated at the banquet of life and they know, they just know that they'll never participate in that feast.
Now, that knowledge is false. They have no way of predicting the future. Their view of their world is simply darkened by a self-limiting belief that appears to have all the trappings of reality. So they struggle, futilely, with a vision of the future that is crude, pessimistic, and false. That vision that crushes them daily.
And yet, as soon as they turn their focus away from themselves, they are perceptive, creative, supportive, nurturing, dynamic, multi-talented, energetic. Those qualities, and many more, are who they truly are.
Anyone who survives an abusive relationship has actually dug very deep and unearthed enormous personal resources and riches.
For as long as they continue to regard themselves through the filter of self-limiting beliefs they may well remain deaf, blind and numb to their own personal treasure. But their treasure will continue to grow and the day will come when they are able to claim it and rejoice in it.
How long will the process take? That depends. If you listen to your limiting beliefs, it'll make the seven labours of Hercules pale into insignificance.
But if you start to challenge them, if you start to ask yourself ? or better still, get someone else to ask you: 'Is it always that way?', 'Do you never??' , 'How do you know what the future holds? Do you have special gifts?' then you'll start to get some new answers and some new realizations.
You'll find that your limiting beliefs will start to fall by the wayside. You'll be surprised by how much faster you can move forward without them. And you'll be amazed to discover just how special and valuable you truly are.
(C) Annie Kaszina 2005
An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie helps women to create strong boundaries, so they can learn to build healthy, nurturing relationships where they can give and receive the love they want, safely.
Email:annie@joyfulcoaching.com To subscribe to Annie's twice monthly ezine, or order her eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, go: to http://www.joyfulcoaching.com
elite cleaning services Mundelein ..Our lives are busy. We rush here only to remember... Read More
WhenWhen we have feelings for someone or something, we have... Read More
Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More
You already have all the resources you need to accomplish... Read More
How many times have you heard someone say, "Hey, cheer... Read More
Are you completely happy in your life right now? Honestly?... Read More
The power of positive thoughts to affect one's experience of... Read More
Have you truly tried and still failed? Have you pushed... Read More
There is a growing appreciation of the impact of psychic... Read More
Your response (reaction?) to change is conditioned by your entire... Read More
Turn brutality into kindness. There is no small deed and... Read More
Often, I've come across individuals who, while in conversation, will... Read More
In his all-time bestselling record The Strangest Secret, author Earl... Read More
One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More
I once heard the story of a grown bear that... Read More
I encountered several interesting people that really taught me something.... Read More
Yuk!One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism.... Read More
Occasionally people will ask me how I keep a positive... Read More
WE ARE ALL THINKING ALL OF THE TIME.Can you believe... Read More
Recently, a lady came to see me and she had... Read More
Did you know that the 911 equivalent in the UK... Read More
Discover how easy it is to improve your relationships. The... Read More
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving... Read More
I have had many confidence issues in my life, all... Read More
The infamous "glass ceiling" is blamed for business issues for... Read More
Airbnb cleaning service Mundelein ..I encountered several interesting people that really taught me something.... Read More
Many of us allow our fear to stop us in... Read More
Say aloud:I AM. I AM Consciousness. I AM the creator... Read More
We hear a lot these days about accepting responsibility for... Read More
When I teach private Yoga sessions, sometimes, I become aware... Read More
Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a... Read More
Dear Friends,All human beings have a unique ability right from... Read More
Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More
"In life, if you give yourself a concession, you'd take... Read More
In many ways the Star War movies are simply a... Read More
There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More
Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More
How would your life shift if you moved into what... Read More
HOW YOUR OUTLOOK INFLUENCES HEALTH AND ABILITY TO CONTROL ANGERJane... Read More
Using an opponent's force against them is the fundamental teaching... Read More
If you suffer with or have in the past suffered... Read More
Near the end of December 2004, I received an email... Read More
"There is an infinitely worthier subject for philosophers (to study)... Read More
In the international bestseller, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains how researchers... Read More
An Attitude of Gratitude. How important is this to you... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
I'm a working mother with a preschooler, worrying about Mom... Read More
One of things that Charismatic people share is an unshakeable... Read More
Do you feel that your negative thoughts are holding you... Read More
One of our most active senses is sight. What we... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |