Releasing Self Sabotage for Success and Happiness in Life

Today, I wanted to mention this notion of self-sabotage.

I recently studied some material of Kevin Hogans and lots by John Grinder on this topic. John is the co-creators and developers of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). John points out the differences and distinction between what he refers to as 'first-order change' and 'second-order change'. First order change is not really relevant to my writing today.

Second-order changes are where a person could encounter what many people refer to as self-sabotage. Some examples of self sabotage include:

- going partying until 4am the night before an important job interview

- setting a goal of getting fit and healthy then eating chips and chocolate every night

- deciding to leave an unhealthy, unhappy relationship, then not doing it

When a person's behaviours are not in line with what they say they want, there are three main possibilities:

Firstly, it may be that they don't really want it; maybe they are not convinced of the benefits.

The second possibility is that they may well want it, but there are hidden benefits of the current state that will be lost. (For example, someone may get some short-term good feelings from eating all that chocolate when at home bored in an evening)

Then the third possibility is that they want it, but don't believe it is possible and/or appropriate for them.

The power of WHY?

Although the why question is frowned upon by many in NLP, personal development and hypnosis professionals, the place that I have found the Why question useful is in establishing someone's motivation for doing something. Assuming that you have a clear idea of what you want.

When you have an idea of something that you think you want, go ahead and ask yourself "Why do I want this? What will it get me? What will it do for me?

Identify to yourself the benefits of making the change you wish to make. How much do you want them? Is it worth the effort? My experience with this is very straightforward: I will only put effort into something that I really want. Now, you can really rocket-fuel the experience by following this simple procedure:

As I have suggested before, imagine that you are in that future situation enjoying the benefits of the change you have made. See what you'll see, hear what you'll hear and feel what you'll feel once you have achieved that outcome (stopping smoking, achieved ideal weight, earned a certain amount of money, got that promotion, asked that person out on a date etc, etc.). Make the colours bright and really experience it in your mind as you think it would be.

Then, just step out of the experience, dissociate yourself from it and see it, look at it as if you are looking at a picture of yourself in the future, enjoying the benefits of that change. Also, make that picture big, bold and bright.

If at this point you are feeling motivated to make the change, great. If not, think to yourself; do you really want it, or is it just something you think you should do? If you don't want to do it ? don't do it! (If it's something you don't want to do but have to, like pay taxes, there are other techniques for dealing with that.)

Assuming that you do want to make the change, check for a secondary gain. By that I mean, check to see how you will benefit if you do NOT make the change. Have a think to yourself about how there might be a sceondary gain or a hidden benefit of NOT achieving the change; something that might be making it worth not achieving the goal or the change.

Once you've taken care of motivation and secondary gain, it is time to check for belief.

Ask yourself or get someone to ask you the following questions: Do you want this? Is this possible for you? Do you know how to do this? Do you deserve this?

Then notice your own immediate response, be honest with yourself or ask the other person to watch and to listen to you closely when you respond. Does it seem like a congruent response (ie. like you really believe it) or are you unsure / incongruent.

If the answer to any of these questions is 'no', or if the 'yes' response is incongruent (eg. head shaking while saying yes), then there may be an issue of belief. A simple way to start shifting beliefs is through using the good old new age technique of affirmations. (Unless you have learned self-hypnosis, in which case do that; it is far more powerful. You can of course look at my learn self-hypnosis DVDs at my website)

So, to create this affirmation, create a first person present tense sentence containing what you are affirming, then say it to yourself in a positive and encouraging tone of voice (Eg. 'I am supremely confident', 'I am fit & healthy')

You may find that you have to say your affirmation a number of times before you really begin to start noticing differences, but they do work (plus, lots of people say horrible things to themselves lots of the time anyway, so you may as well start saying nice things to yourself in good tonality.) The way I see it, if you are going to say anything to yourself in your own mind, you may as well say nice and progressive things eh?

Here is a nice idea for you to have a go at, it is one to stretch your flexibility. Practice looking in the mirror and saying 'I love you'. If, when you do this, your statement seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever. If (as is the case for many people) it seems unbelievably yucky, insincere and horrible, do it anyway. Pretend that you mean it. Keep on doing it for at least three weeks ? you may be amazed at what starts to happen. Once it seems obviously true and positive, great! Do it twice a day forever.

Really enjoy the first half of the month of May. Do some different things and let me know what you have done differently and the difference it made, or get in touch with me if you need some inspiration.

Just last week, some pointed to me a quote that has been re-hashed several times before, but is a great one;

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting.'...Holy Cow...What a Ride!!'

Copyright 2005 Adam Eason. All Rights Reserved.

Adam Eason is an author, consultant, trainer and motivational speaker in the fields of hypnosis, nlp, personal development and human potential. His website is filled with information, stimulating articles, resources and uniques products.

Adam's bi-monthly free ezine is packed with modern, innovative psychological tips, techniques and strategies; all those who sign up receive an instantly downloadable, unique hypnosis, nlp, personal development and human potential to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

shuttle from O'Hare Brocton .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
According to the FBI, cybercriminals are sending extortion letters, threatening to release victims' sensitive information unless a ransom is paid.
FireSat is a satellite project designed to detect and track wildfires early, aiming to detect a fire that's the size of a classroom within 20 minutes.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reports that researchers have uncovered a Chrome vulnerability used in a cyber espionage campaign.
Preserving voicemails securely on Android: Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals easy methods to keep memories alive forever.
This phishing kit bypasses 2FA via session hijacking and real-time credential theft. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from Astaroth phishing attacks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses Joby Aviation and Virgin Atlantic planning to launch 200-mph U.K. air taxis linking airports and cities.
Fake Apple virus warnings, security alerts and messages are tactics used to prompt you to call a number or click on a malicious link. The CyberGuy explains how to protect your devices.
The combination of artificial intelligence and neuroscience allows a paralyzed man to manipulate a robotic arm by using his brain to imagine movements.
With the help of artificial intelligence, sophisticated fraud techniques emerging today are virtually undetectable to the untrained eye.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
If you need to free up space on your Mac, consider deleting duplicate photos in your image library. Apple makes it easy to do, and the CyberGuy explains the process.
Microsoft is discontinuing Skype in May after 22 years of service. Kurt the CyberGuy addresses other options for internet-based phone and video service.
Tron 1, a Chinese company's two-legged robot, is versatile and can walk, roll and pivot, even on rough terrain. Tron 1 stands 33 inches tall and weighs 44 pounds.
Hackers are tricking people into installing password-stealing malware by making them press keyboard shortcuts under the pretense of proving they're not bots.
Saving the voices of loved ones can be a comforting way to keep alive memories. Kurt "the CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to preserve voicemail messages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
The FBI warns that some free online document converters load malware onto people's computers, making their private information vulnerable to attack.
Toyota's compact electric FT-Me is designed to tackle challenges of city living while offering an accessible and eco-friendly transportation solution.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 23andMe's bankruptcy raises data privacy fears: Opt out, download and delete data now.
UBTech and Zeekr unite with AI robot swarms to make car manufacturing faster and smarter. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how the process works.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Apple's Passwords app had a three-month phishing flaw from iOS 18 to 18.2 patch.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how this super-small electric mini-truck takes a big step toward production.
Artificial intelligence-generated images and videos that use someone’s likeness typically target women without their consent. The CyberGuy unpacks how to protect loved ones.
A humanoid robot developed in China has transformed from a nimble dancer to performing kung fu moves with surprising precision and balance.

Are You Thinking The Right Thoughts?

"A person is limited only by the thoughts that he... Read More

Lifes Curveballs

Do you realize how good you have it? Yes, everyone... Read More

Today, A Wonderful Day

Believe me, today is the most wonderful day of your... Read More

Negative vs Positive: The Ever-existing Battle In Your Mind

WE ARE ALL THINKING ALL OF THE TIME.Can you believe... Read More

If Youre Stuck Then Make a Different Decision

Many people don't really understand the gift they have been... Read More

Shifting Your Paradigm

What is a paradigm? In my own words, a paradigm... Read More

Eight Simple Anger Management Tips

"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant.... Read More

Thought Patterns To Create Success

Let's say you're ready to change some aspect of your... Read More

Change

One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More

Positioned For Success - The Refined Art Of Taking A Chance

ARE YOU IN... OR OUT?Are you in or out of... Read More

Positive Self-Talk

One of the most powerful influences on your attitude and... Read More

Success Through The Way You Think About Yourself

If you think you are a loser, you train or... Read More

The 5 Words That Are Ruining Your Life

How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More

Dispell Anger in 2 Simple Steps

"It really works!" "Well, I'll be?!"BJ like so many others... Read More

Mastering Your Moods: How To Take Charge Of Your Feelings

John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More

5 Ways To Use Mind Power To Maximise Your Potential

Why do patients who are given placebo pills report that... Read More

Your Dominant Thoughts - How to Take Advantage of Them

Self belief is a wonderful thing.I know from my own... Read More

How I Make And Save Thousands Of Dollars Using Only My Subconscious Mind-You Can Do The Same!

Thousands of dollars will be yours, just by using your... Read More

Universal Thought Systems/Forgiveness

Philosophy of Forgiveness:The most powerful tool that human beings possess... Read More

Let Your Subconscious Be Your Guide... Oh Really? Not!

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? Do you ever... Read More

In A Slump?, Rejoice I Say, Rejoice!

Yea, I know........I hear you saying "that's easy for you... Read More

Another Life: I Wish I Were Someone Else

In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass... Read More

Are You A Prisoner of Your Own Making?

There is a wonderful story about the famous escape artist,... Read More

Top Tips for the Temporary Move

Question: "It's only three months. Or six months. Or a... Read More

Our Beliefs Define Our Limits

The universe is vast, it's dimensions inconceivable, it's potentialities unimaginable,... Read More

Chicago charter limousine service Hickory Hills ..