How to Get Rid of Stinking Thinking

Q: I seem to beat myself before I ever get started. I catch myself trying to talk myself out of doing anything because of all the obstacles I see. And then I end up regretting not doing anything and get more and more frustrated. A friend of mine pointed this pattern out to me, but neither one of us knows what to do about it. What should I do?

A: I know what it is.

It's your stinking thinking.

Both of the thinking patterns you describe are examples of stinking thinking, or put differently, thoughts that are so unhelpful, they stink. Another way to think of them are as SDTs or self-defeating thoughts. The two that seem to be hanging you up the most are so common I even have special names for them: Mr. Yabuts and Ms. Ifonly Ida. Let's take a closer look at each of these patterns of stinking-thinking SDTs, and then how to change them.

MR. YABUTS

Mr. Yabuts rears his ugly head when we say something like, "YEAH, I really need to do that, BUT . . ." We can easily "yeah but" ourselves into inaction _ defeated before we even start. Yeah buts are self-defeating, but they serve a self-protective function. If you can convince yourself there is no reason to even attempt to do what you want, then you no longer face the risk of trying and failing. While this can protect you, it also cripples you.

Mr. Yabuts also shows up in the business world and serves as a good example of how to change this self-defeating pattern. Many times when a solution is offered, someone who will say, "Yeah, but . . ." This is followed by all the reasons the idea will not work. A useful alternative to "yeah, but" is "yes, and . . ." followed by a realistic listing of the problems and - here's the crucial part - a reasonable plan of action to deal with them.

In our personal lives, we typically say "yeah but" when we are dreaming about something we want, get scared, and then try to talk ourselves out of pursuing our dreams. Instead of stopping ourselves with "yeah buts," we need to ask, "and what is stopping me?"

The answer is usually ourselves. The same solution applies: Make a list of the obstacles and then create a reasonable plan to effectively deal with them.

MS. IFONLY IDA

Ms. Ifonly Ida shows up as a self-defeating form of regret, as in "If only I'd have (fill in the blank), then everything would be OK."

The purpose of healthy regret is to help us learn from our mistakes, not make the same ones over and over.

By focusing on the past, Ifonly Ida robs you of your present and future. Have you ever tried to drive your car looking only through the rear-view mirror? It's a silly notion, but it's how we live our lives when we get caught up in Ifonly Ida.

When you catch yourself using this particular brand of self-defeating thinking, stop and ask yourself some better questions, such as: "What can I learn from this situation?" "What mistakes did I make that I never want to make again?" "How can I use what I've experienced and learned to live better the next time I face a similar situation?"

These questions help you do two important things with past regrets: Make a place for them because they did happen and to not acknowledge them keeps you from learning from them; and put past regret in its place, which is behind you. Then you are able to live in such a way as to create few, if any, future regrets.

One way to avoid future regrets is to ask yourself, "How will I feel about this decision tomorrow, in a year, and at the end of my life?" Learn and then live so you have as few Ifonly Idas in the future as possible.

Mr. Yabuts or Ms. Ifonly Ida are bad enough each by itself. Combine them and you've set up a vicious cycle that keeps you stuck. Get rid of one of them, and you are doing better. Get rid of both, and you're on your way.

My suggestion is to kick both out of your brain, because they are taking up lots of room and not paying any rent.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

shuttle from O'Hare Brocton .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
According to the FBI, cybercriminals are sending extortion letters, threatening to release victims' sensitive information unless a ransom is paid.
FireSat is a satellite project designed to detect and track wildfires early, aiming to detect a fire that's the size of a classroom within 20 minutes.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reports that researchers have uncovered a Chrome vulnerability used in a cyber espionage campaign.
Preserving voicemails securely on Android: Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals easy methods to keep memories alive forever.
This phishing kit bypasses 2FA via session hijacking and real-time credential theft. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers four ways to stay safe from Astaroth phishing attacks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses Joby Aviation and Virgin Atlantic planning to launch 200-mph U.K. air taxis linking airports and cities.
Fake Apple virus warnings, security alerts and messages are tactics used to prompt you to call a number or click on a malicious link. The CyberGuy explains how to protect your devices.
The combination of artificial intelligence and neuroscience allows a paralyzed man to manipulate a robotic arm by using his brain to imagine movements.
With the help of artificial intelligence, sophisticated fraud techniques emerging today are virtually undetectable to the untrained eye.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
If you need to free up space on your Mac, consider deleting duplicate photos in your image library. Apple makes it easy to do, and the CyberGuy explains the process.
Microsoft is discontinuing Skype in May after 22 years of service. Kurt the CyberGuy addresses other options for internet-based phone and video service.
Tron 1, a Chinese company's two-legged robot, is versatile and can walk, roll and pivot, even on rough terrain. Tron 1 stands 33 inches tall and weighs 44 pounds.
Hackers are tricking people into installing password-stealing malware by making them press keyboard shortcuts under the pretense of proving they're not bots.
Saving the voices of loved ones can be a comforting way to keep alive memories. Kurt "the CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how to preserve voicemail messages.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
The FBI warns that some free online document converters load malware onto people's computers, making their private information vulnerable to attack.
Toyota's compact electric FT-Me is designed to tackle challenges of city living while offering an accessible and eco-friendly transportation solution.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says 23andMe's bankruptcy raises data privacy fears: Opt out, download and delete data now.
UBTech and Zeekr unite with AI robot swarms to make car manufacturing faster and smarter. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how the process works.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Apple's Passwords app had a three-month phishing flaw from iOS 18 to 18.2 patch.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how this super-small electric mini-truck takes a big step toward production.
Artificial intelligence-generated images and videos that use someone’s likeness typically target women without their consent. The CyberGuy unpacks how to protect loved ones.
A humanoid robot developed in China has transformed from a nimble dancer to performing kung fu moves with surprising precision and balance.

Universal Thought Systems Language #3

Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More

Ditch Lack of Confidence and Unlock Full Potential

Being the next Carmen Electra or Paris Hilton might or... Read More

Motivate To Activate A Positive Lifestyle

What do you do when things in your life don't... Read More

How to Stay Motivated Despite Negative People

Getting motivated is sometimes easy enough to do, at least... Read More

Deep Doghouse Communication for Angry Men

Many times when an angry or rageful man comes into... Read More

Moving? Pack an Emotional First Aid Kit

From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More

The Language of Confidence

The language we use programs our brains. Mastering our language... Read More

Let Your Subconscious Be Your Guide... Oh Really? Not!

Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? Do you ever... Read More

Life Can Seem Unfair Until We Change Our Perspective! See How!

Empty, Hollow, Nothing?.those words shout the sound of disappointment and... Read More

How To Gain Confidence Quickly And Effortlessly When You Feel the World is Against You

Have you ever felt the whole world was against you?... Read More

Acceptance as a Path to Inner Peace

Inevitably in life we will face disappointment from time to... Read More

Never Run Out of Altitude, Airspeed, and Ideas at the Same Time: Lessons From the Vietnam POWs

Bosses can't control many things at work. In fact, they... Read More

Is The Glass Half-full Or Half-empty?

Keep focusing on the fullness of your life: Keep remembering... Read More

Is ADD Getting You Down? 6 Tips to Sharpen Your Celebrating Skills

Celebrating is a skill that adults with ADD (Attention Deficit... Read More

It Is All About Attitude!

Why do we really need the experiences that we have... Read More

Understanding Visualization

Visualization is the art of using ones imagination to influence... Read More

Mind Power - Fact or Fiction? Prove It For Yourself In The Next 7 Minutes - Truly Awesome!

Who are you?We all know that we are composed of... Read More

Balanced Living: 18 Steps

A balanced life not only leaves you feeling more fulfilled;... Read More

The Art of Thankfulness

With Thanksgiving approaching, I thought it would be especially appropriate... Read More

Banishing Hannibal Lecter Personalities From Your Life

We all know them. We all have somebody like them... Read More

Living with Chronic Illness & Disorders: Are You a Survivor?

Once upon a time, I was a vibrant, youthful teenager...My... Read More

Develop Yourself - The Power Within

Living without limits. Living your life to the fullest. Living... Read More

Power of Positive Beliefs

I am an educator as well as a coach and... Read More

A Day in Your Life: 17 Ways to Make it a Special Day

A day in your life is a brief and precious... Read More

Mind Games!

Have you ever been caught up in a thought that... Read More

Chicago charter limousine service Hickory Hills ..