Often when radical change occurs in our lives we feel confusion - not only about what's happening but also about how we'll cope with it. This is especially true of negative change such as the loss of a romantic relationship, a job or a loved one. Of course, confusion is perfectly normal and natural, but it needn't get in the way of handling situations effectively and of accommodating any kind of change. Why? Because your personal path through change is probably predictable.
To be aware of this path and how it works can make the transition easier, perhaps faster, and definitely more effective.
There are four stages that each of us experiences as we traverse the landscape of major life change. Each has specific characteristics relating to how you may think, feel and act.
Think of the change process as a picture. Imagine a sort of "V" shape. In fact, on a piece of paper, draw a large letter "V" From left to right on the "V," label it as follows:
? Upper left: DENIAL. SHOCK is another word for this. You just can't believe that some big change is going to happen...or has. "This can't be happening," is a typical comment. Another way to deny is by IGNORING it...usually by attempting to wait until it all blows over. But it doesn't. And there's MINIMIZING by assuming, for instance, that "It just needs a few minor adjustments." It's possible to continue working in this phase, but sooner or later you feel the impact and MUST respond.
? Left side, line to the bottom of the letter: RESISTANCE. As time passes, things seem to get worse, stress increases. Often we resort to BLAME at this time; we COMPLAIN. You may become physically ill, feel physical symptoms. You may even begin to doubt that you can survive the change. A feeling of hopelessness, even depression, isn't uncommon. Actually, what's happening here, in the psychological sense, is that you're mourning the past -- rather than getting ready for the future. Be aware of the real danger that you could wallow in this place for quite some time. But remember, the next step is entirely up to you?it's your choice!
? Right side, line to the top of the letter: EXPLORATION. This important phase usually begins subtly...you just somehow feel better...you sleep through the night again...you realize that you actually have a chance of making it through. Your energy level rises, and you begin to conceive of the notion that there may be new possibilities. This is a great time to set goals, create positive directions, experiment with those "possibilities." A caution, though...don't be hasty at this time. Resist moving out of this phase before you've arrived at the very best situation you're capable of?that is, the highest level of confidence that your next move will be the right one. But remember, no matter what course you choose, there'll be risks as you navigate it.
? Right side, top of the letter: COMMITMENT. This phase begins when you focus on a new course of action...one you've decided upon, not one that's been thrust on you. At this point, the major growth within yourself has already happened, and your new assignment is to capitalize on it. Note that the shape of the "V" can be infinitely variable. A goal, of course, is to shorten the denial phase, to create a shallower penetration into resistance, perhaps to lengthen the exploratory phase a bit, and to move purposefully into the commitment area when you're ready.
There's a certain rhythm to the process of personal change. And seldom does it happen that you're facing only one challenge at a time; often you're in various phases of separate change processes all at once. Being aware of the process helps you to sort this all out and to prevent overload. It also gives you an opportunity to avoid getting stuck in any one phase. It also allows you to move through all stages, in order and in appropriate time frames, rather than to breeze through without examining the feelings and the process, only to run up against a psychological brick wall later. Again, we see that time is important. Don't be in too much of a hurry to come out the other side.
Copyright 2002, 2005 Optimum Performance Associates/Paul McNeese.
Paul McNeese is CEO of Optimum Performance Associates, a consulting firm specializing in transitional and transformational change for individuals and institutions through publication. His publishing company, OPA Publishing, is an advocacy for self-publishing authors of informational, instructional, inspirational and insightful nonfiction.
Email: pmcneese@opapublishing.com
Websites: pmcneese@opapublishing.com and pmcneese@opapublishing.com
Life shouldn't be so complicated. Have you ever wondered why... Read More
I have a 440-page guide on how to simplify my... Read More
When someone thinks of a person with self-esteem most people... Read More
Most of us carry on a running internal dialogue at... Read More
Many people who suffer from low self-esteem would give anything... Read More
"We can change our circumstances by a mere change of... Read More
Are you the kind of person who dwells on your... Read More
I started life writing in the fifth grade. My mother... Read More
From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More
"Who am I fooling?" "I'm a loser," "I'm too old,"... Read More
Aging is a matter of the mind.The years may creep... Read More
You've been looking for a job for as long as... Read More
Most of what we've been taught about how to be... Read More
You don't need to a piece of paper to prove... Read More
Imagine what your life would be like if you could... Read More
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is... Read More
For some reason, most people find it easier to think... Read More
Words, Ignorance, and Casper The Friendly Ghost!Do your best to... Read More
This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More
You are the only one that can give confidence to... Read More
A Model of the dysfunctional, unconscious human psyche. A way... Read More
You have probably noticed those people at work, school, and... Read More
The Alchemists of old worked over many years, centuries, in... Read More
"Spiritual Intelligence" (SI) is the ability of a person to... Read More
Getting motivated is sometimes easy enough to do, at least... Read More
green cleaning service Deerfield ..Failure is my favorite subject. For I have spent my... Read More
Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does... Read More
We all have a unique way of communicating our story,... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving... Read More
Did you ever run into that person that just nags... Read More
Decades ago, I saw a metaphysical movie that wonderfully illustrates... Read More
Ever feel like giving up? Do you ever feel so... Read More
Dr. Phil says each of us has a personal "truth"... Read More
Do you ever feel sorry for yourself? Do you ever... Read More
Do you wish you had high self-confidence? Some of us... Read More
In order for you to make positive ground daily you... Read More
At some point in our careers, we may find ourselves... Read More
Smart folk have always realised how vital it is to... Read More
The other day I bought an unusual piece of software:... Read More
Does the thought of failure send a cold shiver down... Read More
Since the beginning of human history we have been living... Read More
Apart form the Emotions and the attitude, Anger is a... Read More
"Thinking is responsible for man's primacy on earth today. Existence... Read More
Think for a moment about all of the signals people... Read More
In frustration it's easy to jump to false conclusions that... Read More
Have you ever considered that you may be subconsciously sabotaging... Read More
Knowing yourself is the foundation of self-esteem, self confidence and... Read More
Thinkers know better than to be racist. It's generally understood... Read More
P.M.A - so what is it? Some people will automatically... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |