Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does one cause the other to happen? Which one has more power over how we respond? Does the person experiencing them have any choice in the matter? What if they are in conflict?
Feelings are what they are. We can't force them. The phrase "I can't help how I feel" keeps rattling around in my head as I write this. There is no magical way to change how we feel. They aren't right or wrong, they just exist. Feelings are very powerful and definitely have a control over how we make choices and how we move through life. We will do almost anything to avoid feeling bad. Think about the money, time, and focus we put into trying to feel good and avoiding feeling bad. That's not a bad thing, it's the nature of feelings. It goes against human nature to want to feel bad.
Feelings are based in emotions. Emotions come from the heart. Therefore, I don't think we can change them from within our logical minds. If your favorite pet dies, then you feel sad. You cannot be expected to simply stop feeling sad. You will feel some level of sadness until you have finished feeling sad. It is possible to distract yourself for awhile, but the feelings will just lay dormant until you allow them time to fully run their course. There's nothing wrong with wanting to distract yourself from the bad feelings of missing your pet, but it will slow down the process. There are constructive things you can do to aid the processing of your feelings. Regardless of how you handle your feelings, you're going to feel what you feel until it works it's way through your heart. You might always miss that pet and feel a slight tug at your heart when you think back, but the overwhelming sadness will eventually pass. It always does. That's why they say 'time heals all wounds.' You can't maintain any one feeling indefinitely. Emotions by nature are shifting and uncontrollable. They simply are what they are.
What about our attitudes? An entire multi-million dollar industry has been built around the power of a positive attitude. The industry wouldn't have survived and thrived as it has if it wasn't a valid and real concept. Our attitudes are rooted in our belief systems. Our belief systems are chosen by our logical minds. Therefore, it is possible to make a conscious decision to change it. Our minds have complete and total control over what we believe. I don't think I need to bore you with another longwinded speech about the powers of a positive attitude. If you've ever tried it, then you have proven for yourself that it is possible to make an internal adjustment regarding your attitude.
So, which is stronger? Which has more influence over our choices and behaviors? Does one overpower the other? Let's say that you find yourself falling madly head over heals in love with someone. That's a feeling, an emotion. It comes from your heart. However, at the same time, you are entertaining a very pessimistic attitude towards love and relationships in general. The attitude comes from your mind. Which will win out, the feelings of falling in love or the dark attitude? It's hard to say. If you change your attitude, then the feelings of being in love can grow and perhaps become a wonderful source of joy for you. If you hold on tightly to your attitude, then eventually it will wear on the loving feelings and you will eventually stop loving that other person. What if the feelings of love were so amazingly powerful, that they caused the attitude to change and your core belief system about love and relationships changed too? Your feelings can definitely have an effect on your attitude, but your attitude wins out more often.
Your attitude is not more powerful because it's more important than your feelings. It's more powerful because it's more stubborn than your feelings. Let's look again at our example where the feelings are positive and the attitude is negative. We've seen people fall madly in love with someone who loved them in return. These same people had bad attitudes about love and relationships in general. Their feelings were not able to overpower their attitude. They believe 'it's never going to work out anyway' and create a self-fulfilling prophecy. By not believing in love, they destroy their good relationship and then feel hurt by the failed relationship. Their minds take that as evidence to further continue with the negative attitude regarding love. The same dynamic holds true regardless of topic. The reason the attitude wins the battle more often then our feelings is because feelings are ever-changing and flexible while attitudes are often locked into place and become an unmovable force.
What if the feelings were bad and the attitude was good? If you felt afraid that you might fail at your goals, but you had a positive attitude and deep down you believed in yourself, then you could choose to keep moving forward despite your feelings of fear. Your attitude would win out over your feelings once again.
If your feelings and attitudes match, then you have an inner balance and harmony within yourself. Isn't this the age-old battle between heart and head? Attitude comes from your head and feelings come from your heart. When the two agree you are able to focus and move forward with confidence. When the two are at war you have to decide which is right? the heart's feelings or the head's attitude? Perhaps in sitting quietly and looking inward at our feelings and attitudes from a detached perspective, we can evaluate and chose for ourselves on a case-by-case basis which one should lead us, our feelings or our attitudes.
Copyright 2003, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge
About The Author
Skye Thomas began writing books and articles with an everyday practical approach to spirituality, motivation, and inspiration in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, motivation, and parenting. More of her articles can be found at www.tomorrowsedge.net as well as free previews of her books.
Willow Springs limo O'Hare .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareAt some point in our careers, we may find ourselves... Read More
In the self-help and wellness industry, a mission has been... Read More
Life is the greatest roller coaster ride we will ever... Read More
As a being of thought, your dominant mental attitude will... Read More
A day in your life is a brief and precious... Read More
From Making the Big Move: how to transform relocation into... Read More
A joke is a way of getting people to laugh.... Read More
It would be pretty hard to become successful without first... Read More
The other evening, I was meticulously assembling and painting one... Read More
"Thinking is responsible for man's primacy on earth today. Existence... Read More
One of our most active senses is sight. What we... Read More
Your ability to forgive those who have hurt you in... Read More
I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More
Many people find it extremely difficult to be assertive, whether... Read More
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is... Read More
"For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is... Read More
(The following is an actual email conversation between Newton Hightower,... Read More
"Work on your career and you'll make a living. Work... Read More
I believe that one of the best ways to stay... Read More
"There is an infinitely worthier subject for philosophers (to study)... Read More
Everyone faces challenges during their life, from suffering the death... Read More
What's wrong with me? When I'm sick I get grumpy... Read More
How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More
Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a... Read More
"The knowledge of actions or events before they occur; foresight."You... Read More
group transportation logistics management Highland ..How would your life shift if you moved into what... Read More
A more positive future, a happier life, a body that's... Read More
I was always somebody who felt quite sorry for myself,... Read More
When you have a case of FABS, it may be... Read More
I have a 440-page guide on how to simplify my... Read More
There are many dynamics that go into making a great... Read More
Whether it's the other kids making fun of you at... Read More
As a trainer of coaches I often teach my students... Read More
What is an affirmation? One possible definition is a specific... Read More
Kasia is a talented landscape designer who speaks several languages,... Read More
One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Inevitably in life we will face disappointment from time to... Read More
Unhappy? Stressed out? Do you feel you not only want... Read More
Does negative thinking pay? Is it desirable for me to... Read More
Woe is me... life has dealt me a bad hand...... Read More
In my work as a professional coach, I've had the... Read More
The infamous "glass ceiling" is blamed for business issues for... Read More
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Is the glass... Read More
Normally I race around multitasking. I am always thinking about... Read More
As a financial economist my motivation has long been to... Read More
I thought this was fitting sense I just experienced a... Read More
This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when... Read More
Water is an important tool for magic rituals in many... Read More
When you look at your future in terms of your... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |