Feel Those Feelings and Develop Emotional Intelligence

There is an old joke about a man who is walking home along the street in the early hours of a weekend and he sees another man, who is obviously very drunk, on his hands and knees, searching for something. "What are you looking for?" he asks the drunked man. "My house keys" the man replies. "Where did you drop them?" he asks. "Two streets away" he slurs. "Why aren't you looking there then", he asks, puzzled. "Because the light's much better here."

Now, during my initial training and learning, I was quite unsure about myself in many ways! Yes, even me, some may say that I have gone rather extremely the other direction now! I tried lots of the things I learned with self-hypnosis and different aspects of the standard NLP approaches to overcome this uncertainty and lack of confidence in my ability to do what I wanted to do, but none of them seemed to work for me. I still got the butterflies in my tummy and lacked a real sense of confidence, in fact I felt nervous about doing what I wanted to do (what if it all went wrong and I failed!!). I had spent some time fighting the anxious feeling, then one day I said to myself "Adam, just experience it, stop resisting it, stop fighting it; just feel it" and an amazing thing happened. I felt the nervous feeling, then it disappeared! I was shocked. All those previous months and years of fighting it, and all that I really needed to do was to feel it. I acknowledged it and stopped resisting.

Doing this is to heighten your own awareness of your own map of the world.

One of the presuppositions of NLP is 'meet people at their map of the world'. This is a process of seeing things from their point of view or being aware of their experience and is a far depper discussion for another time. Now, I was fine at doing this with other people and my successful therapeutic consultancy is over the years has been solid proof to me of that, but before all that started, all those years ago, I suddenly realised that I had not been meeting myself at my map of the world. Whenever I felt feelings that I did not like, I would struggle, resist and fight them, and you know what they say: When you fight with yourself, someone always loses, and that someone is you. So I decided to stop fighting and resisting my feelings and instead to acknowledge them and start working with them.

WHere am I going with all this then? If there is a feeling that you find unpleasant or that seems unhelpful or that you just plain don't like, firstly, map out the feeling. This is just a process of identifying where in your body that feeling is, really locate that feeling in your body. Now think about what size it is, how it moves; I used to have a fluttering feeling in the pit of my tummy that as I reisted it more would spread into my chest and back down again. Really be aware of the feeling physiologically, even think about what temperature it is, you can even take it a step further and think about what colour it would be if it had one etc.

While most people profess to know what they are feeling, you would be amazed at how many people have not got in the slightest bit acquainted with the physical characteristics of the emotions they are experiencing, they just let them happen passively without really getting an awareness of them. Emotions are physical (they are chemicals and all sorts of other things too), so the first step is to map out that physicality.

Next up, accept the feeling. Become OK with the fact that you are feeling it. For more on how to accept things in your life, again, dig out the article from a previous edition of "Adam Up" that was all about that, it is there in the archive on my website.

Of course, this can be a bit of a struggle for some people, who will no doubt say "But I don't want to feel it" or "I shouldn't be feeling it." I know some of you are thinking that.

So here is the thing: you are feeling it, and if you want to change the feelings quickly, the most expedient way to do it is to meet yourself at your map of the world and accept that presenting feeling that you are having. If you refuse to do this, then you are just resisting it or fighting it as I was doing back then. Then any attempt to change it will involve starting from where you aren't, and that rarely works out well (as our tipsy man looking for his keys on the wrong street can attest to.)

Then, you find the positive intent. What is your body or your unconscious trying to tell you? Sometimes feelings have a message of some sort for us. Other times, they're just sensations that our body has some purpose for feeling. What (if anything) is this feeling doing for you or trying to tell you?

Then; feel it. Just feel it. Be sure not to struggle or fight, just feel it. Remember to breathe too ;-)

You don't have to do this for long, but it is really good to feel something. Even if it feels bad, the fact that you can feel it means that you are alive (woo-hoo!) and it also means that you are in touch with how you feel. These are both good things to be able to acknowledge and realise within yourself. Often, just accepting and realising a feeling is putting it in a vast different perspective.

The final part of this process is to then play with the feeling.

Increase the feeling's intensity. The reduce it. If it was one colour, make it another, if it was moving in a certain direction, move it in another, if it was a certain size, enlarge it or make it smaller, basically, have a play with it and discover just how much influence you have over this feeling. I think you will be surprised when you realise just how much influcence you really do have.

One of the things you'll begin to find as you start to experience is just how much it's possible for you to get a handle on your feelings. You may well discover for yourself that feelings aren't true or false. They don't really mean anything. They are just sensations that you are experiencing in your body. If you resist them, they'll be there for some time, but if you accept them, you can start to play with them and change them. Does this mean you'll not have a bad feeling ever again? No. Feelings will come and feelings will go, but what it does mean is that you can start to have more and more of the sorts of feelings you want to have. I know that whatever you are wanting to do in life, you'll be wanting to punctuate your life with more and more good feelings, am I right?

So, enjoy your day today and make sure that you are spreading some good feelings into your life.

Copyright 2005 Adam Eason. All rights Reserved.

Adam Eason is an author, consultant, trainer and motivational speaker in the fields of hypnosis, nlp, personal development and human potential. His website is filled with information, stimulating articles, resources and uniques products.

Adam's bi-monthly free ezine is packed with modern, innovative psychological tips, techniques and strategies; all those who sign up receive an instantly downloadable, unique hypnosis, nlp, personal development and human potential to enjoy in the comfort of your own home.

executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport car
In The News:

Getting virus alerts on your iPhone? Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you learn how to handle fake scam alerts and boost security.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says opening emails is safe, but risks arise from interacting with links, attachments or HTML content.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals four signs of compromised Social Security numbers and offers five steps to protect yourself.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how MAB Robotics' Honey Badger 4.0, a versatile robot, now walks underwater with amphibious skills.
An updated Android trojan called FakeCall hijacks bank calls. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Android phone manufacturers and Google need to step up their game on security.
The Massimo Modular E9 is a sleek, smart and comfy tiny home in 409 square feet. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson takes a closer look at what the future of housing might look like.
Every stock trader should consider a virtual private network to safeguard their trading, according to tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.
Apple recently announced its new lineup of Macs and rolled out Apple Intelligence, its latest artificial intelligence-powered feature for its products.
A Swiss-engineered robot can climb ladders, showing why it's at the cutting edge of autonomous robotic solutions for harsh industrial settings.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents the cities targeted most by robocalls, why this is happening and what you can do about it to protect your privacy.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares tips and suggestions for how to get the best use out of the updated Calendar app available with the latest iOS update.
Your Social Security number, your unique identifier used for many purposes, has likely been leaked on the Dark Web; here are some steps you can take to protect yourself.
Researchers have developed a new technology that creates strong, sticky fibers capable of lifting objects and capturing things from a distance.
Smart rings track the same things that smartwatches do, including steps, sleep and a general overview of your overall health, and they tend have more battery life than smartwatches.
Researchers have developed a robotic finger that can perform routine medical exams like those conducted by doctors, helping to address the growing shortage of trained professionals.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Insurance administrative services company Landmark Admin reported that a data breach from a May cyberattack affected over 800,000 people.
Sotheby's will auction the first artwork created by Ai-Da, the world's first robot artist created in 2019 by British gallerist Aidan Meller.
More than 250 million users of the Verizon Messages app will have to switch to another app. Verizon is shutting down Messages in the next month.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides a list of 10 celebrities who are the most targeted by deepfake scams, including Tom Hanks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Vast's Haven-1, launching in 2025, transforms space living with human-centric design.
UnitedHealth confirms over 100 million Change Healthcare users had their data stolen. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals what happened and what caused the breach.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how iOS 18 brings new text formatting and animated effects to the Messages app.
Whether you're a social media veteran or novice, Facebook friend request scams are common. Kurt the CyberGuy provides tips to keep your account safe.

Lifes Curveballs

Do you realize how good you have it? Yes, everyone... Read More

The Illusion of Failure

The most dangerous thing is illusion. ~ Ralph Waldo EmersonFailure... Read More

Power of Positive Beliefs

I am an educator as well as a coach and... Read More

Life Changing Attitude

Do you really believe that there is anything in this... Read More

The Top Ten Ways To Be Positive In The Workplace Of Life

There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More

Positive Attitude is Not Enough

Contrary to the popular saying "attitude is everything" attittude is... Read More

Mental Fitness For Confidence And Winning In Life

Studies show that men and women profit most with having... Read More

Your Choice of Music can Shape Your Beliefs

Music is very powerful. The kind of music you listen... Read More

Start Your Day on Your Terms

Most of us start the day like we're trying to... Read More

Five Ways to Stay Positive in a Negative World

In view of the increasing negative events happening around the... Read More

Managing Your OCD, Panic Attacks, and Obsessive Thoughts

There are times that we encounter fearful thoughts that can... Read More

Creating an Emotional Retreat

Emotions have the tendency to take over our actions and... Read More

Change Your Thoughts And Your Life: 5 Simple Ways To Bring More Peace And Harmony To Your Life

When you change your thoughts, you change your life. The... Read More

How To Condition Your Mind For Success

Your mindset is a strong factor in achieving any type... Read More

Time To Give Up Resentment

Resentment isn't a spectacular emotion, but it is long-lasting and... Read More

Success or Failure: How to Cope With Failure

There is no such thing as failure ? only feedback... Read More

Just Another Day

During a Messenger chat session the other day, I asked... Read More

5 Tips To Keep Happy... Even In Wartime

The world is going downhill faster than an Olympic skier.... Read More

Is Your Glass (Ceiling) Half Empty or Half Full?

The infamous "glass ceiling" is blamed for business issues for... Read More

Need A Miracle? Build One, Everyday!

Henry Ford, after he had achieved great success, was the... Read More

Theres No Negative In My Program - Part 1

Imagine the what you could achieve if:You were 100 %... Read More

10 Passion Principles to Creating the Rest of Your Life

1. Take passionate action towards living your life by design.... Read More

Train Your Brain, Or Cook Your Goose!

One day while in deep meditation and self analysis, a... Read More

Whats My Life All About?

What's my life all about is the question so many... Read More

Seeing Challenges as Opportunities

Are you a person who loves challenges, or hates them?... Read More

O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..