"It really works!" "Well, I'll be?!"
BJ like so many others in the workshop was astounded that a technique so simple could produce such an amazing result. You must try it. Next time your partner flares up in anger do this. In a very non-threatening calm and sincere tone of voice say...
"You're really mad right now?" or "Something I did made you angry?"
And watch the energy change. The anger dissipates almost like magic. A sense of relief replaces the intense emotion.
Most every time acknowledging anger in a compassionate manner diffuses the emotion and a rational conversation can continue. It works for life and business partners, for parents of teenagers, employers and staff, and even customer service representatives fielding calls from enraged consumers.
A word of caution, this technique is not to be used with the violent abuser, the rage-aholic, or a person under the influence of a mood altering substance. With this population this approach may well back fire and heighten the negative emotion instead of diffuse it. However, it works fantastically 99% of the time with those of us average folk who get frustrated and mad due to life's common stresses.
Wait a minute though, we're not done yet, there are two important keys to this 'magic' that you must remember:
Tone of Voice: This is so critical. If you come across the least bit hurt, angry yourself, or sarcastic you dispel the magic. Your partner, friend, child or colleague will get defensive and the anger will not dissipate. Your tone must be calm, totally sincere, warm and kind. For it to be that way you have to feel that way. Not necessarily easy if you are experiencing elevated emotions yourself. Therefore this tactic generally works best right at the onset of a possible argument and not when one is already raging.
So, the key here is act quickly, focus on remaining calm and genuinely feel for the other person.
Verbally identify the Anger: Formulating the right words is not as crucial as coming across sincere and kindly. It is important that you verbally state the perceived emotion, in this case anger. You may choose to label it 'frustration' or say 'annoyed' instead of 'anger' which ever you feel fits best. The important thing is to identify it in a questioning manner. Yes, it must be a question and not a statement of fact. You must allow the other person to confirm your assumption. If you express your comment as a fact your partner, friend, child or colleague is liable to stay anger and put up more barriers instead of allowing them to crumble.
Key here is to pose a brief question regarding the anger you perceive in such a manner that the other responds in the affirmative.
"Yes I am" is accompanied or immediately followed by a sense of release and a rational conversation is once again possible.
Where to go from here, well, that's for another discussion, for now just remember to stay calm and focused on the issue at hand and you'll do fine.
Remember, life is short?ENJOY!
Margrit Harris
Your Relationship Expert for Life and Business Partners
http://www.stratateam.com/advice.asp
Margrit is a former Team Relationship Consultant for First Union Securities [now Wachovia], Morgan Stanley, and many small business owners and professionals. She was a marriage and family therapist for several years as well. Today Margrit offers free relationship advice on-line, writes articles for Horsesmouth [an on-line service for financial advisors] and makes money selling her Relationship Tests [called Awareness Tools]. Soon her Relationship Principles e-books [for Life and Business Partners] and other stuff to make bad relationships good and good relationships great will also be available at http://www.stratateam.com/advice.asp
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carImproving this single attitude makes your days fly by. You... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
WE ARE ALL THINKING ALL OF THE TIME.Can you believe... Read More
I once heard the story of a grown bear that... Read More
In many ways the Star War movies are simply a... Read More
I went online -- and what do I see? A... Read More
Several years, I was listening to a radio talk show... Read More
The way to define your personality is to refine your... Read More
In order for you to make positive ground daily you... Read More
From experience, one of the biggest stumbling blocks for people... Read More
I'm lucky.When I was fifteen, I was the sole survivor... Read More
We all know them. We all have somebody like them... Read More
You are already a winner, and so am I.Although you... Read More
"If I have the belief that I can do it,... Read More
Your mindset is a strong factor in achieving any type... Read More
I was playing tennis today with one of my tennis... Read More
Philippians 4:6-do not be anxious about anything, but in everything,... Read More
Emotions are controlled by a combination of reason and action.... Read More
Most of what we've been taught about how to be... Read More
Conflict is unavoidable. How we respond to it makes a... Read More
This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when... Read More
Music is very powerful. The kind of music you listen... Read More
So people will reject us no matter how good we... Read More
Woe is me... life has dealt me a bad hand...... Read More
Do you really believe that there is anything in this... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..Change your attitude, change your lifeIn my experiences, I've found... Read More
Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More
Every day that I eat EnergyRich? Food, I get almost... Read More
Words, Ignorance, and Casper The Friendly Ghost!Do your best to... Read More
Can you do something for me?Tell me?Please don't think tomorrow.What?Yeah,... Read More
One of the most powerful influences on your attitude and... Read More
Facing a change and want to make it work for... Read More
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't... Read More
Few people are aware of the thoughts that pass through... Read More
Life shouldn't be so complicated. Have you ever wondered why... Read More
You don't need to a piece of paper to prove... Read More
Satisfaction 100% guaranteed or your money back! That was the... Read More
Many people don't really understand the gift they have been... Read More
INNER CRITIC UNVEILED! Part 2: AFFIRMATIONS TO THE RESCUE!"Almost everybody... Read More
At some point in our careers, we may find ourselves... Read More
The others in the raft didn't seem to share Eddie's... Read More
Good morning I love you.This is a basic exercise, which... Read More
Why do we help others? There is a whole lot... Read More
One of the biggest potential problems we face with every... Read More
In 1978, Erma Bombeck wrote a book entitled "The Grass... Read More
ARE YOU IN... OR OUT?Are you in or out of... Read More
I am an educator as well as a coach and... Read More
Are feelings and attitudes the same thing or different? Does... Read More
If you suffer with or have in the past suffered... Read More
"You Are My Sunshine My Only Sunshine You Make Me... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |