Condition or Definition?

In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a habit, but it was no more "who she is" than to say that the package your food comes in is the food. It is the package. It may represent the food or cover the food, but it isn't the food. And therein lies a key distinction. I challenge you this week to examine whether you have given power (identity) to something that is actually a condition rather than a definition of who you are.

Listen for how often in casual conversations we associate our identity with something we do or don't do. "I'm just disorganized" becomes the definition of who I am instead of a description of a messy desk. "I'm sick," becomes part of my identity rather than the truer statement, "I have X condition." A condition doesn't have to possess you, unless you wrap your identity around it. When you do, you automatically ascribe power to that condition that it doesn't have. You'll hear this powerlessness come out in statements such as, "I'm no good at..." or "When I get X, then I can truly be happy or satisfied." In other words we delay "being" happy or satisfied until some future time when a certain condition is met. In truth, if we can't be happy or satisfied right now, no condition in the future will make us any more so.

In 5th grade, my male teacher told me I (because I was a girl) wasn't good at math. From that point forward, I unconsciously adopted "I'm not good at math" as part of my identity. And sure enough, I struggled in every math class from then on. It caused me other problems as I grew up and convinced myself that "not being good at math" also meant I couldn't balance my checkbook. That's because the moment we give something an identity in ourselves, we begin to align "reality" to concur with that picture. A more accurate statement of my math proficiency might have been to say that I had the ability to handle concrete mathematical problems but was challenged by conceptual mathematics like algebra (a subject I could never see much use for anyway!)

Listen to yourself today. Where have you defined yourself and then aligned your behavior with that definition? "I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm no good at public speaking. I'm disorganized. I'm sick and tired of X." The examples are everywhere. Our language about our situations reveals whether we've acknowledged a condition or adopted a definition. Realize that a condition is usually temporary. Create some space around it by simply noticing how you've allowed it to define you. Oh yes, and notice how much judgement you're carrying around about yourself over whatever condition you've adopted as a definition. When you can get to the point where you simply notice, "Oh I've gained 5 pounds," without wrapping an identity of "I'm fat" around it, you're free to choose a set of behaviors that produces a different set of conditions for you.

Learn to distinguish between conditions and definitions. Beware of definining who you are in terms of habits or behaviors. Refuse to allow your identity to be limited by a limited condition. It can be the beginning of a very real place of peace and choice in your life. And as always, enjoy the journey.

Betty

***********************
Quote of the Week
***********************

"The Master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky." ~~Lao-Tzu

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

weekly home cleaning Highland Park ..

In The News:

Threat intelligence firm Synthient uncovers one of the largest password exposures ever, prompting immediate security recommendations.

Viral video shared by Elon Musk shows Tesla's Optimus humanoid robots performing tasks from cooking to construction, garnering over 58.5 million views on social media.

Chinese hackers used Anthropic's Claude AI to launch autonomous cyberattacks on 30 organizations worldwide, marking a major shift in cybersecurity threats.

Apple's new Sleep Score feature gives you a rating for your nightly rest quality. Learn how to set it up on your Apple Watch and iPhone today.

Essential phone settings to enable before losing your device, including Find My network, location services and security features for iPhone and Android.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Cybersecurity research shows weak passwords remain a major threat, with simple patterns and number sequences putting millions of accounts at risk.

New Android malware BankBot YNRK silences phones, steals banking data and drains crypto wallets automatically. Learn how this advanced threat works.

FDA approves first human trial for Paradromics' brain-computer interface that could restore speech for paralyzed patients through neural technology.

New phishing platform QRR targets Microsoft 365 users across 1,000 domains in 90 countries. Learn how to spot fake login pages and protect your accounts.

OpenTable now uses AI to track your dining habits and share insights with restaurants. Learn what data they collect and how to protect your privacy.

Google's discontinued Nest thermostats still secretly upload home data to company servers despite losing smart features, raising serious privacy concerns.

New Android malware NGate steals NFC payment codes in real-time, allowing criminals to withdraw cash from ATMs without your card. Learn protection tips.

DoorDash confirms data breach exposing customer names, emails, addresses after social engineering attack. Learn how to protect yourself from scams.

Concerned about Google's AI scanning your Gmail? Learn how to disable Gemini features that access your emails, Drive files and Chat messages for privacy.

Google warns Android users about dangerous fake VPN apps hiding malware that steals passwords, banking details and personal data from phones and tablets.

Apple's digital passport feature lets iPhone users breeze through TSA checkpoints this holiday season using Digital ID technology at 250+ airports.

A new phishing scam targets family photos with fake "Cloud Storage Full" alerts. Criminals steal credit card information through fake sites. Learn protection tips.

South Korean scientists create ultra-thin fabric muscles that turn clothes into robotic assistants, lifting 33 pounds while weighing under half an ounce.

Archer Aviation has acquired Hawthorne Airport for $126M to launch an LA air taxi network ahead of the 2028 Olympics, featuring AI-powered eVTOL operations and next-gen aviation tech.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Fake AI apps disguised as "ChatGPT" and "DALL·E" are flooding app stores with dangerous malware that steals data and monitors users without detection.

Fake buyers demand specific vehicle reports from unknown sites to steal credit card information from car sellers, but warning signs can help identify these scams before paying.

Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.

NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.

Condition or Definition?

Positive Attitude Tips