Condition or Definition?

In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a statement about a negative habit followed by these words: "that's just who I am." I challenged her to re-examine what she had said. In fact, the truth was, she had a habit, but it was no more "who she is" than to say that the package your food comes in is the food. It is the package. It may represent the food or cover the food, but it isn't the food. And therein lies a key distinction. I challenge you this week to examine whether you have given power (identity) to something that is actually a condition rather than a definition of who you are.

Listen for how often in casual conversations we associate our identity with something we do or don't do. "I'm just disorganized" becomes the definition of who I am instead of a description of a messy desk. "I'm sick," becomes part of my identity rather than the truer statement, "I have X condition." A condition doesn't have to possess you, unless you wrap your identity around it. When you do, you automatically ascribe power to that condition that it doesn't have. You'll hear this powerlessness come out in statements such as, "I'm no good at..." or "When I get X, then I can truly be happy or satisfied." In other words we delay "being" happy or satisfied until some future time when a certain condition is met. In truth, if we can't be happy or satisfied right now, no condition in the future will make us any more so.

In 5th grade, my male teacher told me I (because I was a girl) wasn't good at math. From that point forward, I unconsciously adopted "I'm not good at math" as part of my identity. And sure enough, I struggled in every math class from then on. It caused me other problems as I grew up and convinced myself that "not being good at math" also meant I couldn't balance my checkbook. That's because the moment we give something an identity in ourselves, we begin to align "reality" to concur with that picture. A more accurate statement of my math proficiency might have been to say that I had the ability to handle concrete mathematical problems but was challenged by conceptual mathematics like algebra (a subject I could never see much use for anyway!)

Listen to yourself today. Where have you defined yourself and then aligned your behavior with that definition? "I'm fat. I'm lazy. I'm no good at public speaking. I'm disorganized. I'm sick and tired of X." The examples are everywhere. Our language about our situations reveals whether we've acknowledged a condition or adopted a definition. Realize that a condition is usually temporary. Create some space around it by simply noticing how you've allowed it to define you. Oh yes, and notice how much judgement you're carrying around about yourself over whatever condition you've adopted as a definition. When you can get to the point where you simply notice, "Oh I've gained 5 pounds," without wrapping an identity of "I'm fat" around it, you're free to choose a set of behaviors that produces a different set of conditions for you.

Learn to distinguish between conditions and definitions. Beware of definining who you are in terms of habits or behaviors. Refuse to allow your identity to be limited by a limited condition. It can be the beginning of a very real place of peace and choice in your life. And as always, enjoy the journey.

Betty

***********************
Quote of the Week
***********************

"The Master observes the world but trusts his inner vision. He allows things to come and go. His heart is open as the sky." ~~Lao-Tzu

Betty Mahalik has been coaching small business owners, independent professionals and leaders who want to achieve more but stress less, since 1996. Her background includes several years in the broadcasting and public relations fields prior to starting her own firm in 1987. She is an accomplished public speaker and corporate trainer specializing in communications, goal-setting and leveraging your strengths. Since 2001, she has written a weekly motivational message, free to subscribers, titled Monday Morning Coach. To subscribe or learn more about Betty's coaching and training services, visit http://www.dynamic-coaching.com

limo prices to midway Crystal Lake west of Randal .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

A multipurpose robotic system promises to transform how items are stacked onto pallets, aiming to maximize space utilization and reduce shipping costs.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

The number of people affected by a UnitedHealth data breach in February 2024 was actually higher than previously reported and was the largest medical data breach in U.S. history.

A phishing campaign uses Google Calendar to schedule fake meeting invitations that appear legitimate, redirecting targets to phishing sites.

Toll road text scam: Fake messages claim unpaid fees, seek payment via fraudulent links. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says this scam is becoming increasingly sophisticated and widespread.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says these steps ensure that your friends and family get to the exact moment you want them to see. Try it out and streamline your sharing experience.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers tips on how to protect your identity: Be vigilant, monitor accounts, use smart security, know theft response.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says cybercriminals are exploiting iMessage phishing protection, tricking users to reactivate links.

It's hard to imagine life without in-flight Wi-Fi these days – but sky-high web surfing comes with its own set of privacy concerns. Here's how to protect yourself.

Over 400,000 cases of credit card fraud were reported in 2024 to the Federal Trade Commission. The CyberGuy explains how to protect against becoming another victim.

A nondescript metal box transforms into a fully functional electric motorcycle that blurs the line between vehicle and urban infrastructure.

Many apps unrelated to location still ask users for tracking permission, and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton has filed a lawsuit seeking to end this alleged practice by Allstate.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Melody, the artificial intelligence-powered robot, is life-sized and represents a move toward creating robots that resemble people in appearance and interaction.

Here are five easy smartphone rules from the National Security Agency that you can follow to better protect your mobile device from hackers and scammers.

A U.S. robotics company has developed "Jennie," a robotic pet powered by artificial intelligence that's designed to comfort those facing mental health challenges.

Healthcare records for more than 184 million Americans were breached in 2024, but you can take steps to minimize that risk. Kurt the CyberGuy explains.

The Skyrider X1 from Rictor claims to be the "first amphibious flying passenger motorcycle," and it combines land and air travel in one sleek design.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Home inventory and restoration apps help itemize and track every item in your home in the event you have to make an insurance claim after a natural disaster.

The White House launched a new cybersecurity safety label, the U.S. Cyber Trust Mark, intended to help consumers make informed decisions on smart device safety.

Today's tech can help make life so much easier — if you know how to use it. Here are a few tips on the quickest and best ways to make your phone, laptop and other devices work for you.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers Windows 11 restart fixes: Update drivers, run system scans and check hardware.

Sony and Honda's Afeela 1 EV launches with advanced tech and entertainment for $89,900. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives his takeaways.

With limited hard drive space, tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers these tips for storing large video files and photos.

Condition or Definition?

Positive Attitude Tips