Most of what we've been taught about how to be happy, how to be successful, how to get what we want was well intended ? but wrong.
We've been told that we have to work hard to succeed and when we're a success we'll be happy. Maybe that's true ? if we're clear about what we need to be happy. Too many of us have been misled by well-meaning parents, teachers, spouses and employers to believe that success means big houses, fancy cars, luxury vacations and bulging bank accounts.
Few would disagree that those are our society's measure of success and nice to have, but too often they don't bring happiness. Instead, they often lead to addictions, illnesses, wounded children and divorce, which can lead to unhappiness, loneliness and financial woes.
The good news is that you can change your thinking and change your life. I know, because I did.
I was a workaholic for most of my adult life until breast cancer forced me to slow down and take a look at the messages that had driven me to be so driven. I remembered an experience I'd had years before, when I went to a hypnotherapist and, in trance, was more relaxed than I'd ever been in my life.
"What would you have to do to feel like this all the time," he asked. And I knew immediately. I'd have to let go of being so attached to the way things turned out. What was I attached to? Everything!
I was attached to people saying and doing certain things (even in the past, so I kept rehashing old dialogs so I'd get to say what I hadn't said then), I was attached to my saying and doing certain things. I was attached to motorists being courteous, check-out clerks being efficient, my clients buying lots of product, my boss being able to lead, my neighbors being quiet? well, you get the picture.
On the way home I asked myself, what if I let go of my attachments to outcomes? What if I turned what I wanted into a goal, instead?
I discovered it was easy to tell the difference. I could work hard to reach a goal and if I didn't make it I was okay. I'd learn from the experience and try again. When I was attached, not getting what I wanted, or even thinking I might not get it would trigger a wash of an unpleasant emotion ? anger, fear, anxiety, stress, doubt, frustration, victimization, etc. Whenever I recognized I was attached, I'd ask myself: just this once, can I let go of my attachment to this? Can I turn it into a goal, instead? Almost always, the answer was yes.
The advantage to having goals instead of attachments is that you can reasonably work toward having what you want without being so stressed and stressing that you lose your health or your family. You can let go of your attachments to living life the way society tells you you "should," and discover what truly makes you happy.
You don't have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice letting go of your attachments to outcomes, change your thinking and you will change your life.
Karin Ireland, author of the award-winning Learning to Trust Myself: Lessons From Cancer and Other Life Dilemmas and 10 Practices That Will Bring You Peace, Confidence and Success: The Workbook is a popular speaker, workshop leader, and personal coach. Visit her at http://www.irelandcommunications.com
professional maid services Park Ridge ..Does negative thinking pay? Is it desirable for me to... Read More
One thing that is important to realize about thought: one... Read More
Emotions are controlled by a combination of reason and action.... Read More
Spring is here at last! The season brings with it... Read More
"Those people who think they can do something and those... Read More
Have you truly tried and still failed? Have you pushed... Read More
There was someone I used to work with who, well... Read More
Are you completely happy in your life right now? Honestly?... Read More
Do you realize how good you have it? Yes, everyone... Read More
One thing in life is certain---change. Things never stay the... Read More
In the international bestseller, Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explains how researchers... Read More
Looking for a bit more mindfulness in your daily life?... Read More
" If you have faith as a grain of musterd... Read More
Let's say you're ready to change some aspect of your... Read More
Positive Affirmations are things we say to ourselves that build... Read More
Life is an enigma...It starts without our knowledge, grows without... Read More
Problems, disappointments and trouble; the three skunks that sometimes think... Read More
Humans tend to categorize things by large or small, bright... Read More
Apart form the Emotions and the attitude, Anger is a... Read More
Contrary to the popular saying "attitude is everything" attittude is... Read More
Every emotion, wether we classify it as good or bad,... Read More
John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More
I'm a working mother with a preschooler, worrying about Mom... Read More
"A person is limited only by the thoughts that he... Read More
This is a technique that sounds a bit silly when... Read More
cleaning lady near Lincolnshire ..The milkman knocks at the door of the old lady's... Read More
No one likes rejection. And yet it happens. Here's how... Read More
John Ryder awakens feeling rested, refreshed, and sensing a calm... Read More
Why do we have such a downer on Pollyanna? After... Read More
This week's wisdom is on the power of living in... Read More
It's time to put a bad rumor to rest right... Read More
Whether it's the other kids making fun of you at... Read More
"Those people who think they can do something and those... Read More
When you look at your future in terms of your... Read More
Ever had the sense that there is more to life... Read More
Inevitably in life we will face disappointment from time to... Read More
Self belief is a wonderful thing.I know from my own... Read More
As a financial economist my motivation has long been to... Read More
There is no such thing as failure ? only feedback... Read More
An Attitude of Gratitude. How important is this to you... Read More
Are you driving under the influence of impaired emotions?Dateline: December... Read More
How are you? Where do you get a positive attitude... Read More
Many of you may look at my title and wonder... Read More
A Yale University study a few years ago revealed that... Read More
Many times when an angry or rageful man comes into... Read More
Are you aware of your inner dialogue? If not, you... Read More
Do you ever find yourself thinking, "Life has taught me... Read More
The other day I bought an unusual piece of software:... Read More
Does negative thinking pay? Is it desirable for me to... Read More
Can you do something for me?Tell me?Please don't think tomorrow.What?Yeah,... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |