Most of what we've been taught about how to be happy, how to be successful, how to get what we want was well intended ? but wrong.
We've been told that we have to work hard to succeed and when we're a success we'll be happy. Maybe that's true ? if we're clear about what we need to be happy. Too many of us have been misled by well-meaning parents, teachers, spouses and employers to believe that success means big houses, fancy cars, luxury vacations and bulging bank accounts.
Few would disagree that those are our society's measure of success and nice to have, but too often they don't bring happiness. Instead, they often lead to addictions, illnesses, wounded children and divorce, which can lead to unhappiness, loneliness and financial woes.
The good news is that you can change your thinking and change your life. I know, because I did.
I was a workaholic for most of my adult life until breast cancer forced me to slow down and take a look at the messages that had driven me to be so driven. I remembered an experience I'd had years before, when I went to a hypnotherapist and, in trance, was more relaxed than I'd ever been in my life.
"What would you have to do to feel like this all the time," he asked. And I knew immediately. I'd have to let go of being so attached to the way things turned out. What was I attached to? Everything!
I was attached to people saying and doing certain things (even in the past, so I kept rehashing old dialogs so I'd get to say what I hadn't said then), I was attached to my saying and doing certain things. I was attached to motorists being courteous, check-out clerks being efficient, my clients buying lots of product, my boss being able to lead, my neighbors being quiet? well, you get the picture.
On the way home I asked myself, what if I let go of my attachments to outcomes? What if I turned what I wanted into a goal, instead?
I discovered it was easy to tell the difference. I could work hard to reach a goal and if I didn't make it I was okay. I'd learn from the experience and try again. When I was attached, not getting what I wanted, or even thinking I might not get it would trigger a wash of an unpleasant emotion ? anger, fear, anxiety, stress, doubt, frustration, victimization, etc. Whenever I recognized I was attached, I'd ask myself: just this once, can I let go of my attachment to this? Can I turn it into a goal, instead? Almost always, the answer was yes.
The advantage to having goals instead of attachments is that you can reasonably work toward having what you want without being so stressed and stressing that you lose your health or your family. You can let go of your attachments to living life the way society tells you you "should," and discover what truly makes you happy.
You don't have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice letting go of your attachments to outcomes, change your thinking and you will change your life.
Karin Ireland, author of the award-winning Learning to Trust Myself: Lessons From Cancer and Other Life Dilemmas and 10 Practices That Will Bring You Peace, Confidence and Success: The Workbook is a popular speaker, workshop leader, and personal coach. Visit her at http://www.irelandcommunications.com
monthly home cleaning Buffalo Grove ..Does negative thinking pay? Is it desirable for me to... Read More
The language we use programs our brains. Mastering our language... Read More
When I was a young man, even a teenager for... Read More
In speaking of comparison we need to be aware that... Read More
"In life, if you give yourself a concession, you'd take... Read More
I will never forget an evening in 2003, when I... Read More
Turn brutality into kindness. There is no small deed and... Read More
There are very many methods for achieving improvement to our... Read More
How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More
Ever witnessed an incident that needed to be reported to... Read More
In many ways the Star War movies are simply a... Read More
Do you talk with yourself? When we hear people talking... Read More
There is a growing volume of research that shows' staying... Read More
It's time to put a bad rumor to rest right... Read More
Well I've finally done it...I turned my heat on. After... Read More
"Most overnight successes are just plain lucky. Just ask any... Read More
The power of positive thoughts to affect one's experience of... Read More
Knowing yourself is the foundation of self-esteem, self confidence and... Read More
Occasionally people will ask me how I keep a positive... Read More
A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted... Read More
Many people don't really understand the gift they have been... Read More
ARE YOU IN... OR OUT?Are you in or out of... Read More
With the probable exception of some basic instincts ? or... Read More
In order to learn how to relieve ourselves of self-defeating... Read More
So people will reject us no matter how good we... Read More
scheduled maid service Mundelein ..What I mean of course is, to appreciate life through... Read More
A balanced life not only leaves you feeling more fulfilled;... Read More
I was always somebody who felt quite sorry for myself,... Read More
Never Quitting Equals Success Most people who achieve fortunes in... Read More
This is the age of the Quick Fix - the... Read More
I woke up this morning feeling sour.No. That's an understatement.... Read More
An Attitude of Gratitude. How important is this to you... Read More
I believe that one of the best ways to stay... Read More
Dear Friends,All human beings have a unique ability right from... Read More
This week I happened to catch a few minutes of... Read More
Lately, I've been hearing that it's not okay to have... Read More
I started life writing in the fifth grade. My mother... Read More
Never used 'em. Not likely to start now.OK, so I... Read More
Using an opponent's force against them is the fundamental teaching... Read More
You've been looking for a job for as long as... Read More
"Spiritual Intelligence" (SI) is the ability of a person to... Read More
Many times when an angry or rageful man comes into... Read More
When you feel lost and confused, it is easy to... Read More
"Putting ourselves down, is an insult to our worth." --Helen... Read More
Every day something changes at work: your products, your customers,... Read More
What are you holding onto? Wanta quit?There are many things... Read More
Every day that I eat EnergyRich? Food, I get almost... Read More
They're out there? they look like people you know, but... Read More
It has been said that CHANGE is THE only constant.... Read More
Many of the books on this page were inspired by... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |