A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted to the expression of anger. While many people feel better when they "let it all out" a rageaholic should totally and completely abstain from expressing their anger.
If anger or rage is a problem for you or someone you love, the following creed will help get things moving in a more positive direction. Read this list each morning before beginning your day:
1. I will practice self-restraint as a *top* priority today. (Notice that it does not say, "I will practice standing up for what is right.")
2. I will act *the opposite* of how I feel, when angry. (Notice that it does not say, "I will share how I really feel.")
3. If I feel that my anger is about to erupt, I will *quietly* leave the situation. (Notice that it does not say, "I will stay around and process my feeling.")
4. I will find truth in *all* criticisms directed toward me today, especially from my partner. (Notice that it does not say, "I will explain my point of view.")
5. I will say, "You are right," in a sincere, meaningful way, when I am criticized. (Notice that it does not say, "I will say, 'You are right, but...'")
6. I will give an example of how the person who criticized me is *right*. (Notice that it does not say, "I will point out an exception to their observation.")
7. I will repeat the following sentence to myself today: "I am better off being *wrong* because when I am right, I am dangerous." (Notice that it does not say, "I need to stand up for myself when I am right." That is in the self-help literature for depressed women. Rageful men are not depressed women.)
8. I will avoid explaining myself in any way by saying, "I have no idea why I did that...it doesn't make any sense to me either." (Notice that it does not say, "I will make sure she understands *my* point of view." Life can go on without you being understood.
9. I will listen sympathetically to my partner when she tells me about her day. (That means maintaining eye contact and turning the television off...not just on mute.)
10. I will not give unsolicited advice to my wife or children. (That also means not asking questions such as, "Do you know what you should do?" or "Do you want to know why that happened?")
11. I will avoid blaming family members for anything today, especially if it was their fault. (Instead, say things such as, "It's not your fault you ran out of gas. That stupid gas gauge shows there is gas when there isn't!")
12. I will avoid trying to make any family member "understand" anything. (You may find out that they don't want to understand what you think is the moral or the "truth" of some situation.)
13. I will avoid trying to convince my child or spouse that I am being fair. (Enjoy the relief of *not* trying to convince your teenager that you are being fair, and just sympathize with them for having an unfair parent that wants to ruin their lives.)
14. I will look for an opportunity to sincerely praise everyone I live with, especially the cat I don't like. (Yes, every day! Pet the cat and say nice things to it. The children and your wife will know that you have changed...insist that you have come to have warm feelings toward the cat.)
15. I will humbly commit myself to removing my angry behaviors today, as my contribution toward a more peaceful world. (Realize that there is enough anger and grief in the world without you adding to it.)
Put this list on the refrigerator and ask your wife and children to remind you about it. When they do, calmly say, "You are right. I am sorry. I was wrong."
About The Author
Newton Hightower is the Director of The Center for Anger Resolution, Inc. in Houston, Texas, and author of the new book Anger Busting 101: New ABCs for Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them. Visit Newton's website for more anger- busting ideas and a free email newsletter filled with guest articles and tips for husbands, wives, and therapists. http://www.angerbusters.com
cleaning team near Winnetka ..The summer I was 20 years old, I worked as... Read More
Often, I've come across individuals who, while in conversation, will... Read More
One day while in deep meditation and self analysis, a... Read More
I will never forget an evening in 2003, when I... Read More
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone... Read More
? Make a list of all your accomplishments in life... Read More
In talking with a coaching client recently, she made a... Read More
Everything exists twice. First, in your mind. Later, before you... Read More
Our thoughts define who we are. They can make us... Read More
I'm often asked how it is that I stay so... Read More
Want to improve your personal performance? Positive self-talk can help.Edward... Read More
Yuk!One thing, I really have a problem with is criticism.... Read More
Speaking comes to most people as naturally as breathing. On... Read More
I was a young girl aged 12, when the one... Read More
What is an affirmation? One possible definition is a specific... Read More
Every day something changes at work: your products, your customers,... Read More
Unhappy? Stressed out? Do you feel you not only want... Read More
This may sound quite aberrant to most of the younger... Read More
Your response (reaction?) to change is conditioned by your entire... Read More
There was someone I used to work with who, well... Read More
Bernard always had a problem with money.He was always lacking... Read More
Many centuries ago there was a Greek philosopher who lived... Read More
Do you talk with yourself? When we hear people talking... Read More
Striving to improve our self esteem is on everybody's mind.... Read More
The most dangerous thing is illusion. ~ Ralph Waldo EmersonFailure... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..Thousands of dollars will be yours, just by using your... Read More
The invisible force surrounded him, squeezing tightly around his chest.... Read More
The power of positive thoughts to affect one's experience of... Read More
As a being of thought, your dominant mental attitude will... Read More
How would you like to stop feeling like your life... Read More
Being a mom can take a toll on your body,... Read More
The milkman knocks at the door of the old lady's... Read More
"Every prayer - every thought, every statement, every feeling -is... Read More
I've had several coaching clients come to me who, while... Read More
If you think you are a loser, you train or... Read More
Part 1Recently, in a women's therapy group that I run,... Read More
Are you a person who loves challenges, or hates them?... Read More
Year after year I find more and more individuals saying... Read More
Before we are able to use the Universal Thought System... Read More
When you have a case of FABS, it may be... Read More
The way we use language can have a huge impact... Read More
Imagine the what you could achieve if:You were 100 %... Read More
Do you realize how good you have it? Yes, everyone... Read More
During these times of uncertainty in the outside world, look... Read More
Have you ever considered that you may be subconsciously sabotaging... Read More
Wahms, do you constantly compare yourself with others and come... Read More
What's wrong with me? When I'm sick I get grumpy... Read More
The mind absolutely amazes me. It will never be understood,... Read More
Does the thought of failure send a cold shiver down... Read More
While trying to ignore my teen daughters rap music a... Read More
Positive Attitude Tips |