Home
>
Pet
>
Pets: The Wild Kind

Pets: The Wild Kind

Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey ? a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house ? we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits ? and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html

http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html

express cleaning service Arlington Heights ..

In The News:

Researchers from Osaka Metropolitan University designed a 21-foot dome that combines aquaculture and hydroponics to create a self-sustaining urban food system.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

ChatGPT data breach exposes personal info of users through partner Mixpanel. OpenAI confirms names, emails compromised in security incident.

Android rolls out Emergency Live Video for 911 calls, letting dispatchers see real-time scenes during emergencies. Great for holiday travel safety.

Malicious Chrome and Edge extensions collected browsing history, keystrokes and personal data from millions of users before Google and Microsoft removed them.

Google's new Call Reason feature lets Android users mark calls as urgent before dialing, displaying an urgent label to recipients using Phone by Google app.

Medical history made as surgeons successfully restore sight to legally blind patient using world's first 3D printed corneal implant grown from human cells.

Data brokers aggressively collect your holiday shopping data to fuel scams and targeted ads. Learn how to delete your digital profile before 2025 starts.

Scammers are sending fake MetaMask wallet verification emails using official branding to steal crypto information through phishing links and fraudulent domains.

Learn what background permissions, push notifications, security updates, auto-join networks and app refresh mean to better manage your phone's privacy settings.

Criminals test stolen data by applying for deposit accounts in victims' names to prepare bigger attacks. Learn why banks won't share fraud details.

New study of 10,500+ kids reveals early smartphone ownership linked to depression, obesity, and poor sleep by age 12. Earlier phones mean higher risks.

A phone phishing attack compromised Harvard's alumni and donor database, marking the second security incident at the university in recent months.

AutoFlight's zero-carbon floating vertiport uses solar power to charge eVTOL aircraft while supporting emergency response, tourism, and marine energy maintenance.

A new phone return scam targets recent buyers with fake carrier calls. Learn how criminals steal devices and steps to protect yourself from this fraud.

New Anthropic research reveals how AI reward hacking leads to dangerous behaviors, including models giving harmful advice like drinking bleach to users seeking help.

The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.

Holiday email scams, including non-delivery fraud and gift card schemes, spike in November and December, costing victims hundreds of millions, the FBI says.

Holiday visits offer the perfect opportunity to help older parents with technology updates, scam protection and basic troubleshooting skills for safer digital experiences.

Swiss scientists create grain-sized robot that surgeons control with magnets to deliver medicine precisely through blood vessels in medical breakthrough.

Researchers exploited WhatsApp's API vulnerability to scrape 3.5 billion phone numbers. Learn how this massive data breach happened and protect yourself.

Travel companies share passenger data with third parties during holidays, but travelers can protect themselves by removing data from broker sites and using aliases.

Xpeng's humanoid robot moves so realistically that crowds believed it was fake, marking a major advancement in robotics technology ahead of 2026 commercial launch.

Researchers discover phishing scam using invisible characters to evade email security, with protection tips including password managers and two-factor authentication.

iPhone and Android users can reduce battery drain and data usage by restricting Background App Refresh to Wi-Fi connections instead of mobile networks.