A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely, a strange thought occurred. You see, my eldest son helped me install a new kitchen. He was the expert handyman. Me? Well, I was the 'gofor'. "Dad, could you go for this?" "Dad, will you go for that . . ."
And you know, it took me back to my childhood. I used to stand by MY dad's side, helping him mend this and build that. What a pride I took in those days, holding a plank of wood at one end while he measured it, or going into his toolbox to fetch a bigger screwdriver. The master and the apprentice!
Yet despite all my admiration, I never quite mastered the secrets of DIY. In my own house, I muddle through jobs as best I can, or just leave them undone. Occasionally I'll send for a tradesman.
Yet somehow I raised a son who, like his Grandad, can turn his hand to anything - while I STILL stand and watch!
This particular creative talent managed to skip a generation, only to re-emerge with a flourish in my boy.
There lies the crux of this article.
We each discover our own talents, leanings, and strong points. As a teacher I hear so many kids complain about their parents, who - with the best will in the world! - force their kids into curriculum choices or career paths which say more about the parents and their aspirations.
Why do so many of us insist on directing, or even dictating, career choices for our kids?
Many possible reasons spring to mind:
Talk about a recipe for disaster!
Trying to live our own lives through our kids tends to fill them with resentment. Go along this path and we'll soon encounter a breakdown in relationships, and our kids will seethe with unhappiness and a lack of fulfilment.
Sometimes our children may even go along with our wishes because they want to please. They feel grateful for all we've done and don't want to disappoint us. The outcome here can be even more insidious: if a child or young person lacks one hundred per cent commitment to the path we choose for them, it can manifest itself in low achievement, depression and even physical illness.
What a waste of everyone's time, energy, talents and resources!
On the other hand, we do want to guide them, don't we? We instinctively know we should give them the benefit of our experience.
So how do we go about it?
The key lies in ENCOURAGEMENT.
From the earliest possible age, encourage your child to be confident, positive, and optimistic.
And observe them in all they do. Cherish their uniqueness, and enjoy seeing their individual talents unfold.
Avoid forcing any issues; concentrate on encouraging growth and development, even if - especially if! - their talents take them along a road unfamiliar to you. Often, what a parent least expects develops into a major plus in their child.
Strive for open and unbiased expectations. If ballet dancing interests your child, encourage him or her to research that activity, try it out, and make a confident, realistic appraisal - don't try to force them into medicine or the law instead!
In high school some teachers encourage kids to make their curriculum choices to suit future career aspirations. But this stresses many unsure kids. My advice has borne fruit over the years: "Choose what you're best at and what you enjoy most. The rest will take care of itself!" And it does.
Again, encourage confidence and optimism. Because today and in the future, most of our kids will not enjoy the luxury previous generations enjoyed - a job for life. Our kids need adaptability in order to face change willingly and without fear.
By encouraging them to follow their hearts, we can do much to help them. Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. His writing includes motivational books for both parents and teenagers. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
How would you like to have a closer relationship with... Read More
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
Q: Whenever we tell my daughter "no," she just bugs... Read More
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
Chiladult? Whatever you call them, teenagers are a changin' and... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More
Child support is defined as that part of your income... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Ask any teacher or adolescent counselor what the most disturbing... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
tidy up service Buffalo Grove ..What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More
When it comes to exams, or indeed any academic work,... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country.... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Parental Alienation Syndrome was probably first identified and codified by... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted... Read More
It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More
What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More
If you really want to get your children to eat... Read More
Parenting |