Why Me?
"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count." --Neil Maxwell
Yesterday morning, my family and I got up at 5:30am in Mexico to begin our journey home from a holiday retreat. Eight hours of packing, driving, flying, and standing in line later, we arrived at the airport in Los Angeles physically intact but emotionally a bit worse for wear.
It was at this point, standing in yet another line with a screaming toddler in my arms, that my six year old daughter Clara decided she absolutely had to have a look at her passport picture. This was a seemingly innocuous request, but in fact would have involved my unhooking several bags from my shoulders and letting loose the toddler who, screaming aside, had already demonstrated her intention to leave no 'Do Not Enter' sign undisturbed in her exploration of the world of airport immigration.
Now, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have thought 'why me?' when Clara was nipping at my ankles and the people around me in line were silently nominating me for a 'person I'd most like to not sit next to on an airplane' award. (Actually, many of the people around me may have been asking themselves just that.)
But after responding to Clara's continual requests like a six year old adult, (I believe the words "I'm not going to do it and you can't make me!" may have passed my lips), I took a deep breath, recognized that my reaction was more a function of my emotional state than her behavior, and I apologized for being mean to her.
"Mean?" she asked, incredulously. "You weren't mean to me. You're my daddy. Daddies can't be mean."
It was at this point that the question 'why me?' popped into my head. Why me? Why do I get to be loved so unconditionally by someone who is all too frequently in the line of fire when I lose my cool? How is it possible that her love and trust are still firmly intact after six years of sporadically positive parenting?
As I thought about some possible answers to those questions, the following story came to mind:
One day, a human went to heaven, in the way that humans often do. On arrival, the human was greeted by a host of angels and given a tour of all of heaven's wonders. Over the course of the tour, the human noticed that there was one room the angels quickly glided past each time they approached.
"What's in that room?" the human asked.
The angels looked at each other as if they'd been dreading the question. Finally, one of them stepped forward and said kindly, "We're not allowed to keep you out, but please believe us - you don't want to go in there."
The human's mind raced at the thought of what might be contained in that room. What could be so horrible that the angels of heaven would want to hide it away? The human knew that one should probably take angels at their word, but found it very hard to resist temptation. "After all", the human thought. "I'm only human."
Slowly walking towards the room, the human was filled with dread and wonder at what horrors might be about to be revealed. But in fact, the room was filled with the most wonderful things imaginable - a beautiful home, nice cars, great wisdom, a happy family, loving friends, and riches beyond measure.
Eyes wide, the human turned back to the angels. "But why didn't you want me to come in here? This room is filled with the most amazing things I've ever seen!"
The angels looked at each other sadly, then back at the human.
"These are all the blessings God wanted you to have while you were on earth, but you never believed you were worthy."
There is a notion in Jewish mysticism that the nature of the universe is not one of reward and punishment but rather one of receiving or rejecting God's blessings. When we connect with our sense of value in the world and connection to others and to life, we become like God - we share naturally and receive continually. When we cut off from our awareness of being of value and a part of all things, we become distinctly human. We retreat into ourselves and experience a world of pain, loss and suffering.
Maybe when good things happen to me, it's not so much a reward for good behavior as it is a case of an abundant universe sharing freely with one of its citizens. Maybe the reason I have a daughter who loves me unconditionally is to make it easier for me to be a really great father to her. And if you find yourself to be happy, or beautiful, or successful, or talented, or wealthy, maybe it's so you will be able to share your happiness, beauty, talent, and wealth with the world.
Michael Neill is a licensed Master Trainer of NLP and has written over 450 articles on in the areas of business success, money, relationships, health, happiness, well-being, and spirituality. His weekly coaching column is reprinted in newspapers and magazines throughout the world, and can be found online at http://www.geniuscatalyst.com
weekly home cleaning Highland Park ..When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
It has been a long day. Home from work, you... Read More
A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More
On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
From the book Spider's Night on the BoomI've only begun... Read More
A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More
My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
whole house cleaning Park Ridge ..Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
It used to strike me as odd - but really,... Read More
In the first premise, some films and video tapes which... Read More
Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More
Dear Camille,As I thumb through the photographs that I carry... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
If you're looking for toys that are both fun to... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More
Parenting |