Why Me?
"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should also make our blessings count." --Neil Maxwell
Yesterday morning, my family and I got up at 5:30am in Mexico to begin our journey home from a holiday retreat. Eight hours of packing, driving, flying, and standing in line later, we arrived at the airport in Los Angeles physically intact but emotionally a bit worse for wear.
It was at this point, standing in yet another line with a screaming toddler in my arms, that my six year old daughter Clara decided she absolutely had to have a look at her passport picture. This was a seemingly innocuous request, but in fact would have involved my unhooking several bags from my shoulders and letting loose the toddler who, screaming aside, had already demonstrated her intention to leave no 'Do Not Enter' sign undisturbed in her exploration of the world of airport immigration.
Now, it would have been the easiest thing in the world to have thought 'why me?' when Clara was nipping at my ankles and the people around me in line were silently nominating me for a 'person I'd most like to not sit next to on an airplane' award. (Actually, many of the people around me may have been asking themselves just that.)
But after responding to Clara's continual requests like a six year old adult, (I believe the words "I'm not going to do it and you can't make me!" may have passed my lips), I took a deep breath, recognized that my reaction was more a function of my emotional state than her behavior, and I apologized for being mean to her.
"Mean?" she asked, incredulously. "You weren't mean to me. You're my daddy. Daddies can't be mean."
It was at this point that the question 'why me?' popped into my head. Why me? Why do I get to be loved so unconditionally by someone who is all too frequently in the line of fire when I lose my cool? How is it possible that her love and trust are still firmly intact after six years of sporadically positive parenting?
As I thought about some possible answers to those questions, the following story came to mind:
One day, a human went to heaven, in the way that humans often do. On arrival, the human was greeted by a host of angels and given a tour of all of heaven's wonders. Over the course of the tour, the human noticed that there was one room the angels quickly glided past each time they approached.
"What's in that room?" the human asked.
The angels looked at each other as if they'd been dreading the question. Finally, one of them stepped forward and said kindly, "We're not allowed to keep you out, but please believe us - you don't want to go in there."
The human's mind raced at the thought of what might be contained in that room. What could be so horrible that the angels of heaven would want to hide it away? The human knew that one should probably take angels at their word, but found it very hard to resist temptation. "After all", the human thought. "I'm only human."
Slowly walking towards the room, the human was filled with dread and wonder at what horrors might be about to be revealed. But in fact, the room was filled with the most wonderful things imaginable - a beautiful home, nice cars, great wisdom, a happy family, loving friends, and riches beyond measure.
Eyes wide, the human turned back to the angels. "But why didn't you want me to come in here? This room is filled with the most amazing things I've ever seen!"
The angels looked at each other sadly, then back at the human.
"These are all the blessings God wanted you to have while you were on earth, but you never believed you were worthy."
There is a notion in Jewish mysticism that the nature of the universe is not one of reward and punishment but rather one of receiving or rejecting God's blessings. When we connect with our sense of value in the world and connection to others and to life, we become like God - we share naturally and receive continually. When we cut off from our awareness of being of value and a part of all things, we become distinctly human. We retreat into ourselves and experience a world of pain, loss and suffering.
Maybe when good things happen to me, it's not so much a reward for good behavior as it is a case of an abundant universe sharing freely with one of its citizens. Maybe the reason I have a daughter who loves me unconditionally is to make it easier for me to be a really great father to her. And if you find yourself to be happy, or beautiful, or successful, or talented, or wealthy, maybe it's so you will be able to share your happiness, beauty, talent, and wealth with the world.
Michael Neill is a licensed Master Trainer of NLP and has written over 450 articles on in the areas of business success, money, relationships, health, happiness, well-being, and spirituality. His weekly coaching column is reprinted in newspapers and magazines throughout the world, and can be found online at http://www.geniuscatalyst.com
disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Single parents are not often thought of as good parents.I... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
By not planning for the future we guarantee that we... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
It can be difficult on all family members to have... Read More
A great many parents are concerned that the electronic games... Read More
Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
Who Can Register A Birth? The child's mother... Read More
The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
Nail biting in all its various forms is problematic... Read More
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More
The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
In today's fast-paced society, many families depend on some form... Read More
The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't... Read More
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More
Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More
Memorabilia ? Children can create enough artwork for an entire... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems?... Read More
Do you have a consistent problem with your child lying... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Non-compliance is the family therapist's big word for your child... Read More
Parenting |