Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make you feel dreadful. However consistency is one of the most important elements in the relationship with your children, but it is the one most frequently overlooked.
Consistency means dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means saying no to children's constant requests for five more minutes of television at night or a third serve of ice cream. It means following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave every time. It doesn't mean if children arrive home after dark from a friend's place you ground them sometimes but at other times you just voice your disapproval. That type of inconsistency makes you responsible for children's misbehaviour and teaches children nothing about accountability.
Consistency also means that both parents have a similar approach to behaviours. If mum is too strict and dad is too lenient children will know who to go to if they wish to take advantage. They will soon play one parent off against each other. If a child wants to get away without doing a job or stay an extra hour at a friend's place just ask dad because he is easy-going. Even if you are separated, talk about your approaches to discipline and find some common ground. Agree on such issues as family rules, pocket money, and guidelines for going out and suitable consequences for misbehaviour.
If you disagree with a partner's approach do so behind closed doors. When unplanned situations occur don't be afraid to tell your children that you need to consult with your partner before making a decision. Children will realise that you are working as a team and that you are making a considered approach to their behaviour or request.
Consistency, like routines, are often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the 'too hard basket'. When we are tired, stretched and overworked the last thing we want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. You may have spent the whole day dealing with difficult customers or colleagues only to come home and find that you have another battle on your hands with equally belligerent children. So to avoid an argument, a tantrum or tears you give in to your child's unruly behaviour or unreasonable request.
But giving in rather than being consistent and holding your ground is a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before they give in. If you give in occasionally they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. So consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because the average child will push parental boundaries about 30per cent of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much. It is hard work being consistent but good parenting demands it.
A comprehensive strategy to help you effectively manage children's behaviour is available in Michael Grose's landmark parenting book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au.
Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.
For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
professional maid services Deerfield ..There are times when my ideas of raising a child... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Hey Parents! I hate to tell you, but there is... Read More
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
Are you being smart about water conservation? Do you consider... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
All too often, children with learning disabilities are seen through... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the... Read More
Q. We just got our daughter's progress report, and it... Read More
There are so many learning labels floating around these days... Read More
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More
A certain educator was once asked at what point should... Read More
Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
What is in a name?The answer is everything!Jo J. of... Read More
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
quick home cleaning Lake Forest ..My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles,... Read More
Home-schooling provides children with a superior education. Parents can quickly... Read More
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
It is not the divorce but the conflict arising after... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
Puberty can be a difficult time for children. Not quite... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More
Recently, a parent came to me, conflicted over whether to... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with... Read More
She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More
We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Parenting |