When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he moved into a flat with two of his mates. They were boys we'd known throughout his high school years and the flat was only ten minutes from home, but I cried for two weeks!

It just seemed to me that a major part of my life was over. When your kids are little, you assume that they're always going to be around, leaving trails of Lego blocks all through the house and dirty rings around the bath-tub from all the mud they've accumulated while building cubby houses down the back yard.

But they're not. They grow up and want to spread their wings and live their own lives.

WHEN YOUR CHILDREN LEAVE HOME

My son told me that the reason he wanted to move out, wasn't because he didn't love us or want to be with us. It was because we'd done such a good job raising him to be independent and confident.

I eventually saw the logic in that and it made me realize that our kids do listen to us. We'd spent the past 18 years encouraging him to march to the beat of his own drum and not to slavishly follow others, and now he was going to do just that.

WHEN THEY RETURN

Within six months, he asked if he could move back home -- it was costing him more than he'd thought it would to live independently (we acted surprised), and since he was at university, he didn't really have enough time to do his washing, shopping, housework AND study ... (we acted surprised again).

NEW WAYS OF LIVING

However, we all knew that it wouldn't work if he moved back and we tried to live as we'd done when he was at school. Besides which, his sister had appropriated his room the same day he moved out! She converted it into a pleasant little study-cum-sitting room for herself and wasn't about to be evicted without a struggle.

Fortunately, we had a rumpus room at the far end of the house, which he turned into his domain. He had his own entrance and could come and go without disturbing us. He could also stay up as long as he liked without us telling him to turn out lights etc.

Basically, all the same rules applied, but the justification for them changed.

We had to accept the fact that he now made all the important decisions about his life, and we couldn't treat him as a child. But he also accepted the fact that he owed us certain courtesies -- he always rang to let us know if he would be late home (so we wouldn't worry and so we could organise meals). He let us know where he was going and who he'd be with (as a courtesy and in case we needed to pass on his whereabouts to friends who phoned).

He's now 30 and married, and both he and his sister have moved in and out of home several times, according to the state of their finances, leases and overseas trips.

The secret to successful, stress-free living with adult children is all in the mind!

HAVE A LITTLE FAITH

Remember that you gave them all their values, beliefs and attitudes and put your trust in the way you've brought them up. You can't afford to criticise the way they do things, (or their taste in music, clothes or friends). Put yourself in their place and remember how you feel when anyone scoffs at something you value, and bite your tongue before you make even a light-hearted comment about their latest CD or hairstyle.

PRACTICAL MATTERS

On a practical note, you should try to provide as much separate living space as you can. Somewhere where your star boarder can have his or her own music, TV, video, computer or whatever is vital. A comfortable chair for reading, a desk for students and enough storage space are also essential.

If you have a room with an ensuite bathroom, it's probably worth giving that up, so that your child has that extra privacy. You and your spouse can go back to using the main bathroom and it will remove another source of potential conflict (criticizing the way the bathroom is left). Visitors will use the main bathroom and that's the one you look after.

With just a bit of planning and co-operation, you can make living with your adult children a real pleasure for everyone.

If the spelling of words like "organise" worried you, please read this: http://www.write101.com/aus.htm

Jennifer Stewart has a degree in English and History and taught senior High School for over twenty years. During that time, she was Head of Department, responsible for devising and implementing teaching programs, and for supervising young teachers. After leaving full-time teaching, she wrote (and now markets) writing courses for students and adults who want to improve their writing skills. Visit her website at http://www.write101.com and subscribe to free, weekly Writing Tips: mailto:WritingTips-subscribe@yahoogroups.com

Jennifer also offers professional writing services - copy writing, editing and proof reading for your web pages, press releases, technical booklets, newsletters, business proposals, reports or any other writing projects.

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.
Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.
Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.
Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.
China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries
Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.
The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.
ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.
Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.
The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.
You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.
Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.
Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you honor our heroes with these powerful podcasts, audiobooks and documentaries this Veterans Day.

Assume Personal Responsibility? Who, Me?

As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More

What Do You Teach Your Children About Money?

Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More

Top Ten Common Sense Rules for Fathers

There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Ask Questions

Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More

8 Tips To Save On Child Care Costs

Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More

How To Entertain A Child While Working From A Home Office

There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More

Why Wont My Child Do as I Say?

In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More

Teach Your Children About the Importance of Water

The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More

Surviving as a Single Parent

Emotional OverloadMany single parents say they deal with a variety... Read More

Back to School - Disappontment?

Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More

How To Be A Bad Mother

As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More

A Dangerous Environment

The internet is a dangerous place for your children. Don't... Read More

Homework Help for the Attention Deficit Child

Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More

Social Engineering via Robotic Toddlers

Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More

Encouraging Your Child to Write

How in the world do you get your child to... Read More

Frequently Asked Questions About Reading To Your Child

Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More

Teenagers and Stress: What Parents Can Do to Help

More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More

Parents and Children Working Together

When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More

Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)

I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More

Picky Eater Syndrome

'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

?Mommy, I Can?t Sleep!?: Sleep Disturbance in Children

Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More

Real Monsters Under Your Bed

There may really be a real monster under your kid???s... Read More

Really Good News About Your Children?s Video Games

Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More

Public Schools --- Why On Earth Do We Need Them?

From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More

Antigo wedding limo ..