The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes wound us deeply, to the very core of our soul. The hurtful words of our children can scar us like no other. They are capable of hurting us with the deepest kind of hurt. When the words "I hate you" spurt forth from the mouth of a five year old in the throes of a temper tantrum we tend to overlook them. When words such as those are hurled at us from the lips of our teenage or adult offspring they cut sharper than any blade forged from steel. The wound can fester leaving us open and vulnerable to future hurt. We forgive them. They're our children, we love them so how can we not forgive them? Yet the pain of such damaging words still lingers. In the back of a parent's mind, it is only natural that doubt should remain. Did he really mean what he said or was it just anger talking? Does my child really hate me? Have I failed as a parent?
We're only human so we're bound to question ourselves. We automatically assume that our offspring are acting out due to our own inadequacies as a parent. We are left feeling a jumble of mixed emotions. We feel angry with our children for the tone they've taken with us; we feel angry with ourselves for not raising them better but most of all we feel hurt. We wonder what we've done to deserve such treatment. Times have changed. Children are more outspoken and candid with their parents but a change of times should not warrant disrespect. As a teenager I would have never treated my mother with the type of disrespect that is so common these days. Certainly we had our moments like every parent and child but I would not have deliberately spoken out against her with malice or contempt.
Many parents tend to blame themselves to the point that they will utterly deny any disrespect directed toward them from their own children. This is done more to protect themselves rather than their offspring. To admit disrespect on the part of their children would be to admit failure on their part. Parents shouldn't always blame themselves for the shortcomings of their daughters and sons. We do the best we can and each child is different as is each parent. It used to be that parents expected too much of their children. Although that still occurs, it seems the roles have reversed to some extent. Now, children expect too much of their parents. This is due in part to the commercialism and competitiveness of the world we live in. Society is one huge commercial venture.
Oftentimes parents are expected to have better jobs, nicer cars and bigger houses. If they can't provide their offspring with fat allowances and the newest name brand clothes they may be labeled a bad parent. Many teenagers have an issue with respect. They fully expect others to treat them with respect but they certainly don't know how to treat others, including their own parents, the same way. Teaching kids good old fashioned values may work for some but definitely not all. Sadly, it appears the temptations of today's world seem to be winning out. Perhaps, divine justice will prevail when our children reap what they sow through their own children.
Darlene Zagata is a freelance writer and columnist for the print publication Moon Shadows Magazine. She is also the author of "Aftertaste: A Collection of Poems" and "The Choosing." Her work has been published extensively both online and in print. For more information visit her website at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com or contact Darlene at http://darlenezagata.tripod.com
disinfecting cleaning services Winnetka ..Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More
Recess has begun disappearing in states all around the country.... Read More
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More
Q. How do we decide what our teens should be... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You... Read More
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience... Read More
last minute cleaning help Highland Park ..Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
How often do you think of family life as an... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
Just the other day my oldest son asked:"Daddy, am I... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
My kids just can't get enough of playing games with... Read More
Picture this. Your child comes home with a special assignment... Read More
Parenting |