Criticism is punitive
Our children judge themselves on the opinions we have of them. When we use harsh words, demeaning adjectives or a sarcastic tone of voice, we literally strip a child's core of self-confidence and make them less likely to try to please us.
Studies have shown that verbal abuse is more likely than physical abuse to damage children's self esteem.
Not only does it damage their soul, it is counter productive to cooperation and lasting change.
Encouragement is uplifting
Encouragement is the process of focusing on your children's assets and strengths in order to build their self-confidence and feelings of worth.
Parents need to convey though words and gestures that we appreciate their efforts and improvement, not just their accomplishments. We need to make sure they understand that our love and acceptance is not dependent on their behavior or winning the prize in soccer.
Positive correction that changes behavior
A very effective way of communicating is create a verbal Encouragement Sandwich:
1 Start off with a slice of the bread of life. For example, "I really admire the way you are learning to take better care of your things."
2. Next, add a little mayo spread lightly, "I felt happy when I saw you hang up your new jacket last night."
3. Then, the slice of sharp cheese, "However, I noticed you left your bike outside in the rain again."
4. On top of the cheese, a little spicy mustard to catch their attention, "Please put it away every night or we will have to lock it up for a week each time it is left out.".
5. Finally, another slice of bread, "All in all, you are a responsible kid and I have confidence you will choose to take better care of your bike."
Do they get the message of the mistake of leaving the bike out? Yes, but it is not by attacking them personally and this method of correction gives them an incentive to do better.
Nurturing better behavior
Some parents and care givers, particularly those who did not receive much love or encouragement in their childhoods, often fail to see the importance of nurturing the inner core of a child. The sad part of this is that encouragement and kind feedback will bring about positive change, whereas criticism brings about rebellion, anger and loss of self worth.
Encouragement Works
Zig Ziglar, an internationally known motivational speaker, has said "When we have positive input, we have positive output, and when we have negative input, we have negative output."
As a parent educator, mother and grandmother, may I suggest that you need to be very careful of the words you choose to motivate your children?
It helps if you break up the word to read "en" courage, which means giving a gift of courage: the courage to keep trying, to keep up the good work, to focus on next time and not give up. This courage helps the child realize that they can make mistakes and they will still be loved and valued. Where as "dis" courage or criticism takes away the courage to try new things or work harder for fear of getting in trouble and displeasing the adults.
What choices could you make next time?
Help the child and yourself recognize that mistakes are never final and frequently we get a "do-over" or a second chance. The past is done; we can learn from it and then focus on the future
For a listing of encouraging words and phrases, please check out the website www.ArtichokePress.com.
Thank you for doing a great job
Those of you working with children on a daily basis do the most important work in the world. I applaud your efforts and "en" courage you to choose your words carefully when you want the children you care for to improve their behavior. Words have the power to build up or destroy. As caring adults the goal is to strengthen the character of the child as well as get the jackets, bikes, toys, etc. picked up on a consistent basis.
? 2005 Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator
This article was written by Judy Wright, parent educator and author. Feel free to use it in your newsletter or publication, but please give full credit to the author and mention the contact information of JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com, 406-549-9813.
You will find a full listing of books, tapes, newsletters and workshops available on finding the heart of the story in the journey of life by going to www.artichokepress.com
house refresh service Morton Grove ..During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More
Your child's leadership skills begin at the family dinner table.... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year... Read More
There's a new trend for party entertainment. It seems as... Read More
Dear friends here we will charge up our mind with... Read More
Does the homework battle so typical with your hyperactive or... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More
I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More
Single parenting has seemingly become an acceptable norm which is... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
cleaning service near Mundelein ..A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
Many years ago, my children were raised on the various... Read More
Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Some people can concentrate on an assignment, to the exclusion... Read More
My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
We know that ancient cultures and Indians and the like... Read More
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
One of the basic issues we need to understand is... Read More
I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More
1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on... Read More
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
Parenting |