Unilateral Disarmament - The First Step to Improving Communications with Your Teenagers

Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak that we do not realize whether or not we are effectively communicating with our teens. This is especially true when they upset us.

To ensure that you are fostering an environment that will encourage your teenager to talk to you, as opposed to fearing you, the first step is to evaluate your communication style. How you express yourself and what you say to your teens, especially when you are angry, can inhibit your relationship with them. Reacting by shouting short sarcastic phrases will usually turn off most people, including our teenagers.

The following are twelve examples of statements and questions that you should avoid saying:

1. When I was your age

2. What part of the word "NO" don't you understand

3. Because I said so

4. Who pays the mortgage around here?

5. You're NOT going out dressed like that

6. What do you see in him, you can do better

7. You kids have it so easy today

8. I didn't say that

9. You live under my roof, you live by my rules

10. Are you PMSing?

11. When are you going to grow up?

12. This conversation is over

Activity:

Think through the things that you say that are similar to the above, and create a list. Then, meet with your teen and ask her for her input. Explain that you are doing this because you love her and want her to trust you and to not fear coming to you to discuss things that are important to her. Go over the list and then ask your teen to add any statements that you may have missed. For example, you can say, "Tell me the things that I say to you that you feel are hurtful; or prevent you from wanting to talk to me about important issues." Add them to the list and make a mental note of them. Then, ask your teen to tell you when you react to her behavior and use any of those phrases. Stress that improved communications is a "two way street" and you are going to do your part to make things better. Then add that you also expect her to do her part, as it will take both your efforts to improve communications.

What to do

Remember to have a "thick skin" and thank her for her feedback when she provides it ? even if you are angry. The best way to change this reactionary behavior is to try and think before you react, and talk more constructively to your teenager. Think of how you would have to react at work if a subordinate or coworker did something to upset you. As angry as you might be, you would strive to act professional because your job depended on it. If you do react and your daughter brings it to your attention, thank her and then discuss the issue more constructively because your relationship depends on it.

You also need to set guidelines with your teen, instead of making rigid rules that will alienate her and create a vicious cycle of poor communicating and hard feelings.

Unilateral disarmament is the first step in demonstrating to your teen that you are serious about improving communications with her. When you lead by example, you are establishing the foundation and setting your expectations. This works better that a "do as I say, not as I do!" reactionary approach which causes your teen to be more rebellious.

Copyright 2004 by V. Michael Santoro and Jennifer S. Santoro, All Rights Reserved.

This article is an excerpt from the book "Realizing the Power of Love," How a father and teenage daughter became best friends...and you can too, coauthored by V. Michael Santoro and his teenage daughter Jennifer S. Santoro. For more information visit their Web site: http://www.dads-daughters.com/

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Fueled by artificial intelligence, CyberDog the robotic dog is designed specifically locate fire ant nests, which are endangering ecosystems.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.
Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.
Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.
Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.
China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries
Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.
The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.
ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.
Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.
The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.
You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.
Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.
Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.

Home And School Education - Your Kids Can Benefit From Both!

Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More

Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids

Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make... Read More

The ADD Child: Challenging Parents, Teachers and Friends

The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More

Guide to Choosing a Computer System for Your Child

Before going further into choosing computers for children, I believe... Read More

Teaching Your Child Safety

Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: How to End the Curfew Battle

Q. Things have been relatively calm and OK with our... Read More

How Many Sex Offenders Live On Your Block?

For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More

Committed Parenting

When you think about it, probably the one thing that... Read More

Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills

Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More

Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It

There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More

Aquini Potty Training Dolls - A Great Tool For Potty Training!

Corolle Paul or Emma Drink-and-Wet SET potty dollsThis is the... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

Five Ways To Build Super-Strong Relationships With Your Children

One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More

Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right

One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More

Discipline on My Mind

I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More

Understanding A Childs Beliefs, Nuturing Young Beliefs

Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More

Hiking with Children

There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More

Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M.

Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

Single Mother Sanity Savers Pt. 1

Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More

Where Will YOUR Kids Get A Job?

Let's face it.The job market is getting tougher every day.Computerization... Read More

CAMP INJURIES- 7 Things You Must Know

WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More

Sanity Savers For Busy Mums Page

Question 1 "How do I get more time to play?"... Read More

Antigo wedding limo ..