Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life.
Every family's circumstances are certainly different in some ways. There are numerous uncontrollable factors, which will inevitably effect your relationship with your stepchildren, like: whether the children have a living biological mother; whether they have any contact with their biological mother; how long ago and why their biological parents are no longer together; etc...
Consider the following seven suggestions to help you be the best stepmom you can be...
1) Remember that they are not YOUR children. You do not automatically become equal to their father in any way - particularly when it comes to discipline, enforcing rules etc... Discuss your role in their lives with their father and then with them. Let him tell them how he expects them to interact with you. (For example: Your husband may say that his children must listen to you just the same as they listen to him... or He may decide that he is the still the primary care-giver, law-maker, rule-enforcer...) Make sure he is fair to you and them, so you do not become the instant "enemy."
2) Make time for your stepchildren. Show an interest in their daily lives - how they're doing in school, what they do after school, their hobbies at home, etc... Get involved with their social life, sporting events, extracurricular activities IF they want you to. Do not try too hard or push yourself into their life. And definitely do not pry into their business.
3) Do not break their trust in you. Develop an open line of communication by talking to them and respecting their wishes. If they ask you not to tell their father something they've shared with you, DO NOT betray their confidence by running to him. (Unless of course, it is something critical that he must know and then ask him not to tell the kids that you were the person who told him...)
4) Be yourself. Develop a totally unique relationship with your stepchildren - in a way that does not try imitate their mother. Do not try to be like her or to replace her.
5) Never talk badly about the children's mother in front of them. Try to establish some level of communication with her if she is still involved in their life. It can help the kids tremendously if you and their mother get along. And it can hurt them deeply if you don't.
6) Have patience. Do not expect miracles to occur overnight. This is not an "instant" happy family... But if you try to make the transition a pleasant one and create an positive living environment, time will do the rest.
7) Remember that you are the "outsider." They did not choose you. Their father did. Their standards are probably extremely rigid. You are the adult. They are children and you have to earn their love and respect.
Resource Box - ? Danielle Hollister (2004) is the Publisher of BellaOnline Quotations Zine - A free newsletter for quote lovers featuring more than 10,000 quotations in dozens of categories like - love, friendship, children, inspiration, success, wisdom, family, life, and many more. Read it online at - http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8364.asp
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
She slipped her small, soft eight-year-old hand into mine. Her... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
"Now don't you go getting any ideas, Harold.""Don't you get... Read More
You are in the final round of your favorite game... Read More
We are all familiar with the stories that most students... Read More
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More
To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece... Read More
Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we... Read More
We were all teens at one time for some many... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Well first off, please to don't institute the ? hour... Read More
Volunteering together is a fantastic way to spend time as... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
Peaceful Parenting? ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More
? Let the child choose his or her own lunch... Read More
Here in Kansas, where we live, the leaves are turning... Read More
Oh yes you have! Suddenly, "Where's Bobby?" You instantly realize... Read More
For every season, check, check, check, There is a chart,... Read More
bathroom cleaning service Lake Forest ..One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
My kids ask me all the time to take them... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years... Read More
A small town, somewhere in the world, was managed by... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More
Recently I took my two children to a popular new... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More
I was changing Ford's diaper the other day when he... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
In theory, working at home is an ideal situation. But... Read More
There is a front line and a back end to... Read More
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Finding out that a child has been born with a... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
Parenting |