1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just keeping it for someone else.
Yeah right. The next question for the parent to ask is, "If you are keeping this for your friend, what is your friend keeping for you?" One of the reasons parents can get fooled here is that you so desperately want to believe that it is not theirs and they are not doing drugs. It's important to remember that this is something your teen might be counting on.
2) When caught with drugs - This is just the first time I've tried it.
Unlikely. Usually when kids get caught with and/or using some drugs, they have been doing it awhile. They have simply slipped up, gotten caught, and are trying to find a quick way out of it.
3) We don' have homework in that class
Sometimes this is true. Or they have already done it at school. Often times it's a good excuse for not doing homework, or for covering up for skipping class. Either way, it's one of the easiest to check out by talking with the teacher. Which parents need to be doing anyway.
4) The teacher doesn't like me
Maybe so. This is usually just a handy excuse for bad grades or getting in trouble. Either way, it's the kid's job to find a way to make it work, even if the teacher doesn't like them. It's simply practice for the real world, where not everyone is going to like you; sometimes even bosses or co-workers. The interesting thing about this one is the teens solution to the problem. It goes something like this - "Well, the teacher doesn't like me, so I'll show them by flunking the class." And who is this hurting?
5) Of course there will be parents at the party
The answer to this one is, "If that's true, then you certainly won't mind me calling up your friend's parents to see if there is anything I can do to help."
6) Everyone else gets to do it, so why can't I?
Another popular one designed to make parents feel guilty and old fashioned, so they will give in to something they think is wrong. My mother had a wonderfully confusing answer to this one; "If everyone else stood on their head in the middle of the street at three in the morning in their underwear, would you?" Probably would have.
7) Everyone drinks and smokes. There's not a single person my age who doesn't.
Many, many teenagers do. But not each and every one. I know of plenty who do not and have a very good time with what they do. Another one designed to get parents to tolerate behavior they don't like.
8) If you let me off just this once, I'll promise I'll never do it again.
Another one parents want so badly to believe. Unfortunately, what the teenager usually learns here is that the parent really doesn't mean it about consequences. While in some ways it might be easier to let them off the hook, it teaches very little about the real world.
9 & 10) Give me one good reason why I can't do that!
This one gets two places because it is so common and so important. The crucial part not to believe here is that they are really asking for a legitimate answer to the question. After giving a well reasoned adult answer, here is something you will not hear from your teenager, "Well, thank you for explaining it that way to me folks! And now that you have, not only do I no longer what to do that, I'm embarrassed and ashamed for asking. Please forgive me and good night." If your teen ever says this, call me quickly, something is really wrong!
Jeff Herring, MS, LMFT, is a marriage and family therapist specializing in working with teenagers and their parents. A nationally syndicated relationship columnist and speaker, Jeff is also the founder and CEO of http://www.parentingyourteenager.com, where you can subscribe to his f'ree internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager." E-mail Jeff at http://www.parentingyourteenager.com
cleaning service near Bannockburn ..All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
According to a September 2004 study by the RAND Corporation,... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
As a parent, are you at your wits end? Does... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
Peaceful Parenting? ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
pet-friendly home cleaners Mundelein ..This is one of the most common questions asked of... Read More
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More
As with everything, names go through cycles of change with... Read More
Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on... Read More
Q. With another school year starting, we are not sure... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Summer Survival The... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More
Many years ago, my children were raised on the various... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
We begin forming healthy habits at a young age. With... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
1. Boundaries are necessary for control and safety.All children need... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
I look out of the window as I am writing... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't... Read More
Those of you that have children know what an excursion... Read More
Parenting |