It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework. I tried patience, encouragement, and teaching, all to no avail. I moved on to bribery, threats and punishment, still no success. Finally I tried anger, frustration and tears, but still no joy. At the end of my tether I knew it was time for a change.
Looking back on my behaviour I could see how I had changed from a calm, encouraging parent into a demanding, controlling tyrant. This was a true wake up call; I could not believe I had turned into the very thing I hated to see in others. I asked myself, "what is more important, homework or the relationship with my son?"
The parenting relationship is a tricky one; one that needs to continue to evolve over time. It is made doubly tricky by the fact that the child uses this relationship as a role model for future relationships. As a child they see that adults have the control and power in a relationship; as they grow into adolescents they want this control and power for themselves. No wonder there are so many battles between parents and teens.
However, the desire for control and power is also reflected between the teenagers themselves. Mixed with the self-centeredness left over from childhood and the need to belong, a potent mix is created; otherwise known as peer pressure. This pressure can take many forms, from daring someone to do something that you haven't got the courage to do, to manipulating someone to give you what you want. Standing up to this pressure, particularly from their close friends can be difficult,
Teenagers need to learn how to get their needs met but without resorting to using control, power or manipulation. Just as importantly they need to learn how to resist pressure from others. If parents can change the relationship they have with their teen so that each other's needs are dealt with using respect, understanding and appreciation, then teens can experiment and realise the benefits of such a relationship.
Fortunately, the tools required for such a relationship can be easily taught, although putting them into practice will take a little more effort. Just telling teens what to do rarely works so parents will need to initiate the change and use the tools with their teen. Once your relationship has changed with your teen, you will both be in a better position to tackle the other relationships in your teen's life.
How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen
Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.howtohelpteens.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults. Now offering a fun quiz so you can rate you listening skills.
house refresh service Morton Grove ..1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Most of our Founding Fathers, including Ben Franklin, Sam Adams,... Read More
The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
Child Safety Restraints and children in work vehiclesIf you take... Read More
"Where did he come up with that?" Kids often amaze... Read More
Do you know what these famous people have in common?Alexander... Read More
Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike,... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it... Read More
When you talk about multiply your child's intelligence, you can't... Read More
Research published by University of Rochester neuroscientists C. Shawn Green... Read More
Maintain CommunicationEven though teens need to separate from their parents... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Anyone can splurge on a formal dinner or a pricey... Read More
cleaning service near Mundelein ..Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
We are all so very happy to see that the... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
You can learn a lot from children.The best part of... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More
What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More
The question I have for you drives right to the... Read More
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More
Libraries offer more than books. They are places of learning... Read More
Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
Most people with children want to be good parents. The... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
Parenting |