It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework. I tried patience, encouragement, and teaching, all to no avail. I moved on to bribery, threats and punishment, still no success. Finally I tried anger, frustration and tears, but still no joy. At the end of my tether I knew it was time for a change.
Looking back on my behaviour I could see how I had changed from a calm, encouraging parent into a demanding, controlling tyrant. This was a true wake up call; I could not believe I had turned into the very thing I hated to see in others. I asked myself, "what is more important, homework or the relationship with my son?"
The parenting relationship is a tricky one; one that needs to continue to evolve over time. It is made doubly tricky by the fact that the child uses this relationship as a role model for future relationships. As a child they see that adults have the control and power in a relationship; as they grow into adolescents they want this control and power for themselves. No wonder there are so many battles between parents and teens.
However, the desire for control and power is also reflected between the teenagers themselves. Mixed with the self-centeredness left over from childhood and the need to belong, a potent mix is created; otherwise known as peer pressure. This pressure can take many forms, from daring someone to do something that you haven't got the courage to do, to manipulating someone to give you what you want. Standing up to this pressure, particularly from their close friends can be difficult,
Teenagers need to learn how to get their needs met but without resorting to using control, power or manipulation. Just as importantly they need to learn how to resist pressure from others. If parents can change the relationship they have with their teen so that each other's needs are dealt with using respect, understanding and appreciation, then teens can experiment and realise the benefits of such a relationship.
Fortunately, the tools required for such a relationship can be easily taught, although putting them into practice will take a little more effort. Just telling teens what to do rarely works so parents will need to initiate the change and use the tools with their teen. Once your relationship has changed with your teen, you will both be in a better position to tackle the other relationships in your teen's life.
How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen
Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.howtohelpteens.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults. Now offering a fun quiz so you can rate you listening skills.
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport car"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More
Grandparents, what better way to stay close to your grown... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
A growing body of scientific evidence shows that the way... Read More
Why Is Spending Time with Your Child So Important?For children... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More
Join a growing number of parents and teachers!Fact: Last year,... Read More
It is so important to create an environment that promotes... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More
Did you know that inconsistency on matters of discipline gives... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
When you hear the phrase, 'guerrilla parenting techniques', what images... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty... Read More
"The greatest gift I ever had Came from God, and... Read More
We all scream for ice cream. Or, we don't, at... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
Researching career education uncovered the following shocking statistic: The average... Read More
Once upon a time, I thought I had it all.... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Many people still think that the game of chess is... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes... Read More
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More
Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
I am sure that this list can be jogged and... Read More
Parenting |