The Parent Teen Relationship: How Effective is Yours?

It was the homework that did it. Each night became a challenge in how I was going to get my son, a non-academic, to do his homework. I tried patience, encouragement, and teaching, all to no avail. I moved on to bribery, threats and punishment, still no success. Finally I tried anger, frustration and tears, but still no joy. At the end of my tether I knew it was time for a change.

Looking back on my behaviour I could see how I had changed from a calm, encouraging parent into a demanding, controlling tyrant. This was a true wake up call; I could not believe I had turned into the very thing I hated to see in others. I asked myself, "what is more important, homework or the relationship with my son?"

The parenting relationship is a tricky one; one that needs to continue to evolve over time. It is made doubly tricky by the fact that the child uses this relationship as a role model for future relationships. As a child they see that adults have the control and power in a relationship; as they grow into adolescents they want this control and power for themselves. No wonder there are so many battles between parents and teens.

However, the desire for control and power is also reflected between the teenagers themselves. Mixed with the self-centeredness left over from childhood and the need to belong, a potent mix is created; otherwise known as peer pressure. This pressure can take many forms, from daring someone to do something that you haven't got the courage to do, to manipulating someone to give you what you want. Standing up to this pressure, particularly from their close friends can be difficult,

Teenagers need to learn how to get their needs met but without resorting to using control, power or manipulation. Just as importantly they need to learn how to resist pressure from others. If parents can change the relationship they have with their teen so that each other's needs are dealt with using respect, understanding and appreciation, then teens can experiment and realise the benefits of such a relationship.

Fortunately, the tools required for such a relationship can be easily taught, although putting them into practice will take a little more effort. Just telling teens what to do rarely works so parents will need to initiate the change and use the tools with their teen. Once your relationship has changed with your teen, you will both be in a better position to tackle the other relationships in your teen's life.

How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Teen

  • Listen to their point of view. Put yourself in their shoes and see the world through their eyes. Ask them how it makes them feel.
  • Understand what makes them tick. Look for the differences between you and them and then learn more about them.
  • Accept them for who they are. Differentiate between them as a person and their behaviour. Ask for behaviour to change but accept them as they are.
  • Acknowledge their presence. Look for what they do that's positive and verbalise your appreciation. Appreciate what they don't do as well as what they do.
  • Give them space. Teens need privacy, not just in their bedrooms but also in their thoughts. Avoid interrogation techniques and opt for genuine interest.

    Carol Shepley has been involved with teenagers for over 10 years and, as the parent of a teen herself, fully understands the pressures placed on parents and teens today. She now shares this knowledge and experience through her website http://www.howtohelpteens.com so that parents can help their teens become resilient, resourceful and responsible adults. Now offering a fun quiz so you can rate you listening skills.

    bathroom cleaning service Lincolnshire ..
    In The News:

    The Omoway Omo X features a modular design, obstacle detection and emergency braking, and can drive itself to charging stations, signaling the future of smart urban mobility.
    PillTrek, a tiny wireless smart capsule created by Caltech, provides real-time gut health data by detecting electrolytes, metabolites, glucose, hormones, pH levels and temperature.
    Learn to spot fake bank text messages with five warning signs of Chase phishing scams, including suspicious links and urgent deadlines designed to steal your account information.
    Robot coyotes built on motorized cars reaching 20 mph are being deployed at military airfields as an innovative solution to wildlife threats to aircraft safety.
    Explore Google Drive's strengths and weaknesses as a backup solution, including its encryption security, privacy concerns and comparison to dedicated backup tools.
    As environmental challenges grow, underwater habitats gain momentum with DEEP's Vanguard, supporting short missions and Sentinel designed for 28-day stays at depth.
    The new Urban Eyes safety vest features dual cameras, reflective panels and a wireless remote to deter harassers and provide peace of mind for outdoor workouts.
    The $200 billion data broker industry tracks your personal details across websites, posing privacy risks that can be mitigated through data removal services.
    UCC Holding has teamed up with COBOD to create desert-inspired, 3D-printed schools in Qatar, featuring dune-like wavy walls impossible with conventional construction.
    Darkling beetles equipped with microchip backpacks can be guided through disaster areas using electrical signals, offering a biological solution for search and rescue.
    Scammers use number porting to take control of outdated landlines still connected to financial accounts, bypassing two-factor authentication to steal funds while avoiding detection.
    Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey developed Bitchat, a privacy-focused messaging app that works offline via Bluetooth without requiring email, phone numbers or personal data.
    Google is making a push to ensure its AI, Gemini, is tightly integrated with Android systems by granting it access to core apps like WhatsApp, Messages, and Phone.
    A new green energy system is set to change how we capture clean power, and it all starts with the ocean. French startup Seaturns has designed technology that taps into the natural motion of the sea.
    Cybersecurity researchers are warning that hackers have started exploiting flaws in chatbots to carry out AI phishing attacks.
    Google has just made it easier than ever to regain control of your inbox with Gmail's new Manage Subscriptions tool.
    Despite the benefits, residential power saver programs come with several potential drawbacks and concerns that have been raised by both customers and experts.
    The Blackdot AI tattoo machine is quiet. It's steady. And according to early users, it hurts a lot less.
    Attackers have started to exploit the very signals that users assume will keep them safe when it comes to add-ons to improve productivity or entertainment.
    Located on Cerro Pachón in Chile, the world's most powerful digital camera is set to transform how we see the universe.
    The innovative DQ Tower stands 28 feet tall with 420 square feet of living space, featuring floor-to-ceiling windows and premium amenities in a prefabricated design.
    A new mmWave imaging system allows warehouse robots to scan and create 3D models of objects inside sealed containers, potentially revolutionizing shipping processes.
    Family fraud endangers seniors when relatives exploit their trust, but removing personal data online and monitoring identity can prevent financial harm to aging parents.
    A study analyzing 500,000 customer service interactions shows chatbots struggle with complex issues while human agents excel at matching customer communication styles.
    Aigen's Element robot uses solar power and AI to provide farmers with a sustainable alternative to herbicides, working efficiently in cotton and soy fields.
  • Of Kings and Youth Leadership

    (Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More

    My Teenaged Parents

    Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More

    Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines

    Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More

    A Dialogue with an ADHD Non-Believer

    Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More

    Drugs and Violence In Public Schools

    Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More

    Five Easy Steps to Picking the Perfect Baby Name

    One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More

    The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

    ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

    You Dont Need a Supernanny to Be an Active Parent

    The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More

    How to Assist Troubled Teens

    What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More

    Going Out to a Restaurant with Kids

    Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More

    After the Driving School

    If you visit search engines you can find several resources... Read More

    Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!

    Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr.... Read More

    The Homeopathic Nutraceutical Attend as an Alternative to Ritalin

    You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More

    Books Around the House Make A Difference in Literacy Rates

    We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More

    Back to School

    It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More

    Gaining a Child?s Trust

    My daughters and I went to the beach several weeks... Read More

    The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid Them: Top 5 Internet Safety Tips

    The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More

    In Defense of the Jelly Bean

    Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More

    Childhood Obesity

    Economist John Kenneth Galbraith has said that more people die... Read More

    Celebrating Mom: How To Make Every Day Her Special Day!

    Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More

    Child Safety at Home

    Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

    Bad Boys/Good Boys (Avoiding The Pitfalls Of Being An Insensitive Dad)

    I WAS AMAZEDI could hardly believe what I was hearing.... Read More

    Stress is No Kiddy Matter

    Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More

    Life Lessons in a Glass of Beer

    It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More

    How Fathers Can Step Up to Fathering

    When our oldest son was 2, my wife went out... Read More

    recurring housekeeping Des Plaines ..