The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty strong feelings in the United States. In fact, even hinting that competition might not be such a great thing can cause one to be labeled un-American.
The prevailing belief is that competition is good for everyone ? that someone without a strong competitive nature is just a wimp. That being competitive is human nature and to be noncompetitive is to have been born without a necessary gene.
But is it human nature, or is it learned behavior? The research shows that, given a choice, most preschoolers prefer cooperative to competitive activities. This would seem to indicate that dog-eat-dog is not a natural inclination. And in a New York Times essay, Nicholas Kristof told a hilarious story about trying to teach the game of musical chairs to a group of five-year-old Japanese children, who kept politely stepping out of the way so others could sit in their chairs. This would certainly seem to indicate "dog-eat-dog" is taught in some societies ? and not taught in others.
In America we play musical chairs in child-care centers, during play dates, and at almost every preschooler's birthday party. The rules say that a chair is removed with every round ? and one more child gets to sit against the wall and watch everybody else continue to have fun. The game is over when there remains one winner ? and lots of losers.
In case you don't recall from your own childhood (or maybe you were always the one winner among many losers), being eliminated feels lousy, as does feeling like a loser. And those other kids you're playing with? For the duration of the game they're not your friends; they're what's standing in your way. Children only have to play this game once to know that, if they're not going to be labeled losers, they have to do whatever it takes to win. And we've all seen what that means: punching, poking, kicking, scratching, screaming, and shoving. It's no wonder the research shows that competition fosters antisocial behaviors.
When parents consistently place their children in situations where winning is the ultimate goal ? where the winners are considered heroes and the losers "losers" ? winning is what they come to value. They learn that only the end result counts, not the process involved in getting there. Further, when parents themselves fail to conduct themselves with character, their actions speak much louder than any words preached about good sportsmanship and the value of teamwork and cooperation. While the goal of many parents is to give their children a running start on the development of sports skills (because success in sports certainly must equal success in life!), the research shows that competition is actually detrimental to skill development. One reason is fear of failure and its resulting stress, which isn't conducive to either learning or performance. Young children, in particular, are susceptible to this problem because pleasing their parents means so much to them. And when their parents focus on winning ? either through action (screaming on the sidelines) or words (asking "Who won?" instead of "Did you have fun?") ? winning becomes the children's goal as well.
Of course, you may think the goal of winning would be enough to propel children into performing their best. But young children aren't cognitively ready to make that connection. They attribute winning or losing to ability, not effort. Nor are they emotionally ready to handle the pressure of playing mistake-free games. And they're not physically ready to play without making mistakes!
Finally, when product (winning) is emphasized over process (making an effort), extrinsic reward is granted more validity than intrinsic reward. As a result, trophies and championships become the whole point of participation. And while this may not seem like such a bad thing in a goal-oriented society, we're back to the issue of the young child's stage of development. Children under the age of eight are motivated by pleasure. And, yes, winning feels good when everyone around you is making a big deal out of it. But does that feeling last? And what about the children who aren't winning?
Dare I say it? Winning isn't everything. And if we want our children to grow up to be self-assured, character-driven adults ? who also happen to have positive feelings about physical activity ? then it really shouldn't be.
Rae Pica is a children's physical activity specialist and the author of Your Active Child: How to Boost Physical, Emotional, and Cognitive Development through Age-Appropriate Activity (McGraw-Hill, 2003). Rae speaks to parent and education groups throughout North America. You can visit her and read more articles at http://www.movingandlearning.com.
Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareIn "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
You send your child to school and the teachers teach... Read More
How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More
Parents looking for a quick fix usually choose troubled teen... Read More
Choosing a baby name is an important job, so make... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Gift shops are a kid magnet and often a trip... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
Many parents seem to be more than a little confused... Read More
Imagine yourself lying flat on your back, totally strapped down... Read More
Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
AD/HD (attention deficit disorder) is one of the most common... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
Antigo wedding limo ..MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
"Setting the alarm on Sunday mornings is inhuman?..God should know... Read More
Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More
Did you know there's a game children and parents play... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Maryann is so focused she's blind. She's slipped over the... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
Everyone loves penguins. And now, everyone has a chance to... Read More
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More
Child tantrums are a way for children to express their... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
Several similar terms describe the central attribute of a character... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More
In the last few years, parents started getting more and... Read More
Sara loves pampering. Haircuts, facials, manicures, and makeup bring smiles,... Read More
Peaceful Parenting? ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More
1. Create... Read More
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father... Read More
Parenting |