Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or"I don't have any friends." We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others. We can teach them some skills and behaviors that will enhance their chances of being picked as a friend.
New research shows that all likeable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults. There is a language of likeability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called"shorthand" to making friends.
Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, it has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills. Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier and so it much more important than just having a play date.
Parents, teachers and other caring adults: Here are 10 secrets to assisting your child to be more likeable. Teach and model them on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.
1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach them to be aware of other people's needs and to offer assistance spontaneously, before they ask for it.
2. Find something that makes them feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don't have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do they enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts.
3. Say "hello" first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you?
4. Be Pleasant to be around. It is simply too much work to try to figure out someone's "moods" and if your child tends to complain a lot or blame others, they will find associates distancing themselves. If your child is consistently negative, help them to see the positive and break the habit of pessimism. Explore the energy techniques of EFT for some simple ways to change thought patterns.
5. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you are disrespectful to others or gossip about those who are not present, people tend to wary of how you will treat them. Don't blame other people for not living up to your expectations. It is important that you teach your child that he or she is loveable and that if they continue to behave in positive ways, a friend will come along.
6. Don't stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially.
7. Ask to join in the fun. When approaching a group that is already engaged, pick one person to look in the eye and ask if you can join them. If that person says no or seems hesitant, then smile and say, "Okay, maybe next time?" You will get much better response if you ask one person than if you address the group at large. If the one person accepts, then the others will go along with it. Be sure to say, "Thanks for letting me join you. It was fun."
8. Don't take it personally. Help your child understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach them that people are really less concerned about us than we would like to think.
9. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the language of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people's space by not standing too close.
10. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.
One of the most effective tools I have found for change is to think about an incident that happened ether positive or negative and then say "next time??." It helps you to cement what went right and reflect on what didn't go so well, so you can make changes in behavior and attitude. It also reminds the child that we all get another chance to try again, and that somewhere there is a friend just waiting for them.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator
? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
personalized cleaning services Des Plaines ..As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
So you're going to become a father. Now is not... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Part of the responsibility of being a father is to... Read More
With the beginning of the new school year coming VERY... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More
What are the easiest things citizens can do to prevent... Read More
Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Arlington Heights ..I wanted to share with you one of the most... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
What makes parenting so challenging at times? One widespread research... Read More
Until about the age of six, children do not generally... Read More
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
10 Fun Things You Can Do With Your Children this... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
Parenting |