Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent or teacher more than the plaintive cry "nobody likes me" or"I don't have any friends." We wish there were something we could do to insure the child will be, if not the most popular, at least included in the games on the playground. Actually, there is something we can do to increase their acceptance by the group and become more approachable to others. We can teach them some skills and behaviors that will enhance their chances of being picked as a friend.
New research shows that all likeable children behave in certain ways. These skills are not in-born but can be taught by parents, teachers and other caring adults. There is a language of likeability that some children cannot pick up by osmosis, but must learn. It has been called"shorthand" to making friends.
Not only does fitting in and having friends feel good, it has numerous other advantages including better grades, healthier bodies, less stress, and more opportunities to learn social skills. Children who feel like they have friends tend to stay in school longer, make wiser decisions, and are generally happier and so it much more important than just having a play date.
Parents, teachers and other caring adults: Here are 10 secrets to assisting your child to be more likeable. Teach and model them on a daily basis and you will find your social circle enlarging.
1. Look for opportunities to assist others. Studies show that helpfulness correlates more strongly than any other attribute to being liked. Teach them to be aware of other people's needs and to offer assistance spontaneously, before they ask for it.
2. Find something that makes them feel special. Encourage your child to find an activity, hobby or interest that they really enjoy. They don't have to excel at it, just enjoy it. Do they enjoy drama, dance or railroads? Join a group of enthusiasts.
3. Say "hello" first, and smile. People who smile are perceived as nice and approachable. Friendly and optimistic people act as a magnet to others. Have you ever gotten mad at someone who smiled or said hi to you?
4. Be Pleasant to be around. It is simply too much work to try to figure out someone's "moods" and if your child tends to complain a lot or blame others, they will find associates distancing themselves. If your child is consistently negative, help them to see the positive and break the habit of pessimism. Explore the energy techniques of EFT for some simple ways to change thought patterns.
5. Treat others as you would like to be treated. If you are disrespectful to others or gossip about those who are not present, people tend to wary of how you will treat them. Don't blame other people for not living up to your expectations. It is important that you teach your child that he or she is loveable and that if they continue to behave in positive ways, a friend will come along.
6. Don't stand out from the crowd. Whether we like it or not, kids are judged by the way they look. Try to help them fit in socially.
7. Ask to join in the fun. When approaching a group that is already engaged, pick one person to look in the eye and ask if you can join them. If that person says no or seems hesitant, then smile and say, "Okay, maybe next time?" You will get much better response if you ask one person than if you address the group at large. If the one person accepts, then the others will go along with it. Be sure to say, "Thanks for letting me join you. It was fun."
8. Don't take it personally. Help your child understand that another person may just be having a bad day and may not be mad or dislike him or her. Teach them that people are really less concerned about us than we would like to think.
9. Watch your body language. Verbal communication is the language of information. Body language is the language of relationships. Appear open, friendly and eager to join in and make friends. Stand up straight and look people in the eye. Respect other people's space by not standing too close.
10. Recognize the difference between friendship and popularity. Friendship is more important and will last a lifetime. Popularity is fleeting and dependent on the group. You really only need one good friend.
One of the most effective tools I have found for change is to think about an incident that happened ether positive or negative and then say "next time??." It helps you to cement what went right and reflect on what didn't go so well, so you can make changes in behavior and attitude. It also reminds the child that we all get another chance to try again, and that somewhere there is a friend just waiting for them.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator
? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareI used to have a really challenging job. It was... Read More
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical... Read More
Looking back through my files I've come across several great... Read More
If I had a dollar for every time I persuaded... Read More
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
Not all parents subscribe to the notion of "tough love,"... Read More
There may really be a real monster under your kid???s... Read More
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience... Read More
Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More
I hear from many parents that their child is stressed... Read More
Assuming there are no serious motor problems present, what can... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
There are many useful jogger stroller accessories out on the... Read More
How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
Part of the responsibility of being a father is to... Read More
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More
Antigo wedding limo ..Is your babysitter watching the kids and your k9 family... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More
Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
It has been a long day. Home from work, you... Read More
1. Tell me something you like about yourself? Help your... Read More
Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More
I was reading "A Modern Infant Armada", a humor column... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own... Read More
The last decade has seen heightened interest in and awareness... Read More
Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
Speaking as a Michael (a Hebrew name, meaning "Who is... Read More
Prenatal intelligence, also known as fetal intelligence, has become a... Read More
Though you can cover even very long distances by car... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
Parenting |