My husband and I have a 12-year-old daughter who wanted to go to a winter retreat with her church youth group last year. Price of trip ? $45. I told her I'd talk to her dad about it. "HOW much is it?" he asked, "didn't she just go somewhere with the youth group?" "Yes," I replied, "and also to two friends' birthday parties. Another one is coming up this weekend." We both agreed that was a lot of money for us to spend for our daughter to have fun with her friends.
But the retreat was a church activity. So we should have forked out the money for her go, right? Well, maybe. In the past year or so our daughter had made a lot of new friends and had been asked to be involved in a lot of new social activities. Last summer was the first year we could afford to let her go to summer camp for a week. It pleased me more than anything to tell her she could go.
The more we've let our daughter go do things with her friends, the more she takes those things for granted, and expects more. She then resents doing something so menial as her household chores. So now we make sure her chores are done before she goes anywhere. "Room's not clean, laundry not started? Better hurry and do them before you go do something with your friends. Don't have time? Then I guess you're out of luck." But that was only the start. Whenever the attitude starts in she's given a warning and then privileges start being taken away, one by one.
You have to figure out what works for you. You may have to teach each child individually, because each is motivated differently. If your children cheerfully hand over their allowance every time they don't take out the garbage, you should take some other privilege away.
Resist the urge to give your children too much allowance. Don't buy them things that they can save money for themselves, like designer clothes, CD's, magazines, make up, video games, etc. Even young children can be taught to save for small things. Almost nothing makes me more sad than seeing children who take their allowances for granted and never have to work for it. Parents aren't doing their children any favors by teaching them to expect everything to be handed to them. We sacrifice, and they don't appreciate it. Why should they? They don't have anything to lose.
So did our daughter get to go on her retreat? We decided she could go if she paid $20 of the $45. She was not happy about it. She only gets $3 a week allowance, and she was saving her money for a new CD. She stewed about it for awhile, and then forked over what money she had. We worked out a payment schedule for her to come up with the rest of the money before the weekend of the retreat, and we let her do extra chores to earn a few more dollars. Are we guilty of child abuse? Our daughter thinks so, but her dad and I know better.
About The Author
Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For more inspirational articles and tips for everyday living, visit her web sites at http://www.creativehomemaking.com and http://www.creativehomemaking.com
limousine airport Glendale Heights .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareFrom the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
One of the most prevalent problems of the computer age... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More
What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More
Along with eating healthier we need to be more active.... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More
According to researchers, most children enter school with a good... Read More
Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose... Read More
Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More
For most children, it is easy to learn to read... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More
The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More
Lincoln Stretch rentals Willowbrook ..How would you like to have more time? Of course... Read More
Because most teens have not had the experience of getting... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
Like anything else in life, there's a method to the... Read More
For many adults, reading a book or newspaper seems effortless.... Read More
How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't... Read More
The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More
Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh... Read More
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
Mother's Day is important for children.This Mother's Day take note... Read More
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking... Read More
Parenting |