Home
>
Parenting
>
Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child

Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child

Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference for parents when their children's behaviour worries them. This point was evident recently when I was involved in a minor disagreement with one of my daughters.

I was annoyed that she dug her heels in and refused to give me any ground while we discussing the issue of bed-time. As she went off to her room with a victorious look on her face I said through gritted teeth, "She can be so pig-headed sometimes. I just wish that she would give in occasionally. She is so determined."

My wife reminded me that my daughter's determination was the same quality that I had been admiring on the basketball court about an hour earlier. She was right. I was nearly hoarse cheering my daughter as she ran up and down the court like a terrier. She was involved in every contest, burrowing in, determined to get the ball and do the best for her team. She continually encouraged her team-mates when the game wasn't going their way. Giving up is not in her nature. As a parent I was so proud of her tremendous tenacity and will-to-win.

Yet here I was little more than an hour later cursing the same quality that I admired in a different arena. Her never-say-die attitude in sport had become never-give-in at home and I wasn't comfortable with that.

I can't have it both ways - a daughter who is tiger in sport but a pussy cat at home. The strong-willed girl that I cheer in basketball is not going to become a quiet, acquiescent little thing at home just to appease her father. So I shrugged my shoulders, thankful that my daughter knows what she wants and has the determination to achieve it.

This same determination has been an asset in many areas of her life. It has helped her overcome earlier reading difficulties and is being put to good use as she tries to improve in other areas at school.

My challenge as a parent is to channel her behaviours rather than change her or snuff out her determination to get what she wants. My daughter will learn in time that she cannot always treat every situation head-on and that to get her own way sometimes it is essential to give a little ground. In the meantime I will have to change my own way of dealing with her if we are to avoid unnecessary conflict. It will make for interesting times when she enters adolescence!

As a parent it is easy to see only the negative side of children's behaviours. At times we are so close to our children or tired and fatigued that we lose our objectivity and our sense of proportion goes out the window. When they fail to meet our expectations it is often hard to look for a positive side.

Often it takes another person, a neutral observer to paint a brighter picture. A friend told me of her surprise when her son's teacher commented on his "creative, artistic streak". She informed the teacher that she found the assessment strange as the only creativity she ever saw from her son was "the endless chaos of an untidy bedroom." She admits that she sees the mess in a different light since then.

Another friend who was so tired of her son continually asking her questions that she dubbed him "the walking question mark" was heartened when a friend congratulated her for having such an inquisitive son. "You are lucky to have a child who asks you questions. I just wish my children showed the same attitude to learning," said the hapless mother who was frustrated by the lack of curiosity of her off-spring. One child's vice is another child's virtue. It just depends on the perspective that you take.

No matter how infuriating our kids can be if we look hard enough or even change our perspective we can see a positive side. The same qualities that may annoy parents can be an asset in the schoolyard, classroom or even the workplace a few years down the track. Stubbornness is a short step away from assertiveness which is an admirable quality for both sexes. Attention-seekers while draining for parents can be very gregarious and have a stack of friends. Bossy kids who love to give orders can make good leaders provided you show them how.

Effective teachers look for opportunities to turn children's more dubious behaviours into assets. Talkative kids are given opportunities to use their verbal skills legitimately through oral reports and other classroom activities. Strong-willed children are encouraged to be independent, take more responsibility for their own learning and be involved in decisions that affect them. Those children who have difficulty sitting still often excel in activities like sport, art or drama when given the chance.

The way that adults see children's behaviour affects how they treat them. Trying to find a positive side even when children are getting up our nose is not only a sanity-saver but helps us enjoy rather than simply endure our kids.

Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael's Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au

kitchen deep cleaning Deerfield ..

In The News:

X Square Robot unveils Wall-OSS open-source AI model that helps robots adapt to unpredictable real-world tasks beyond narrow scenarios.

Airport workers report surge in fake lost luggage claims as scammers retrieve discarded baggage tags containing passenger names and travel information.

Unlike robotaxi competitors, Tensor focuses on consumer-owned self-driving cars that adapt to highways and urban roads with full redundancy systems for safety.

Medicare scams cost $54 billion in 2024 as fraudsters target beneficiaries with fake calls demanding payments and personal information to steal benefits.

Scammers create fake Evite invitations that mimic legitimate event emails, requiring users to verify senders and use antivirus software for protection.

The new Apple Watch hypertension feature passively monitors blood pressure patterns over 30 days using sensors to detect chronic high blood pressure signs.

Chrome extension spyware disguised as a free VPN service highlights security risks after it captured private browsing data from trusted sites.

New research shows how fatty acids in cooking oil can safely dissolve and recover silver from circuit boards without harmful chemicals or environmental damage.

The Fox News AI newsletter gives you information on the latest AI technology advancements, and about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Anthropic investigates alarming AI abuse case where hacker automated entire cybercrime campaign using Claude, stealing sensitive data from defense and healthcare firms.

TikTok, Meta and YouTube restrict Charlie Kirk shooting videos with age gates and warnings while X faces criticism for allowing continued circulation.

Cybercriminals use fake troubleshooting websites to trick Mac users into running terminal commands that install Shamos malware through ClickFix tactics.

San Francisco startup Fable launches Showrunner, an AI platform dubbed the 'Netflix of AI' that generates animated episodes from text descriptions with Amazon support.

Apple raised iPhone prices for some models despite receiving tariff relief from President Donald Trump, with the new lineup starting at $799 for the base model.

A two-story 3D concrete printed home in Western Australia demonstrates faster construction methods that could reshape American housing amid rising costs.

Credit scores remain important during retirement for insurance rates and housing applications, while seniors become prime targets for identity theft and financial scams.

Scammers now send unexpected packages with QR codes that redirect victims to fraudulent websites or download malicious software to steal sensitive information.

Meeting AI tools record private conversations alongside work discussions, creating privacy risks that can be managed with proper settings and awareness.

Hotel privacy concerns are valid but rare, with methods to detect hidden tech using smartphone flashlights, mirror tests and scanning apps.

Improve your Wi-Fi speed and reliability with 10 simple router optimization tips that don't require special apps or expensive subscriptions.

A Columbia University breach exposed names, Social Security numbers and academic records of nearly 869,000 people, with notifications beginning in August.

Rental car drivers use AI-powered apps like Proofr to protect themselves from unfair damage fees as major companies deploy automated inspection tools.

Fox News' AI newsletter brings you the latest on technology advancements around artificial intelligence.

OnTrac data breach between April 13-15, 2025, exposed personal information of over 40,000 people including Social Security numbers and medical records.

Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child

Parenting