Sibling Rivalry: The Magic Trick That Stops It Instantly

It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining that, "He got a bigger piece of pie," or "She got to stay up an hour later last night."

When sibling rivalry rears its ugly head, what do you do?

Try to reason with the kids? Scream, threaten or punish them? Ignore it and run for cover?

None of these methods is very effective for very long.

But I've discovered a tactic that works every time. It really is guaranteed to end sibling battles, almost instantaneously. The only downside is it requires a bit of patience on your part.

The trick is understanding that it doesn't matter what the kids are arguing about, the real battle is for your attention.

Really. They could be screaming at the top of their lungs over who gets to play with a certain toy. They could be red-faced and foaming at the mouth over who got to sit in the favorite chair. It doesn't matter what they're arguing about. What they're really saying is, "Mom, I want more of your attention. I want to know you love me."

Understand this, and you're 80 percent of the way to resolving all sibling battles.

So here's how to resolve the battles: Try to catch them before the argument escalates to the point where one or both kids need to be reprimanded.

If you can't do that, wait for the next time. There always is a next time, isn't there?

Next, make it clear that you aren't taking sides.

Now try to discern which child is feeling the need for attention most. It will typically be the child who started it, though that's not always easy to figure out.

Turn to that child first and say, "Look, I can see you're upset. I'm wondering if maybe you need some more attention from me. Can I give you a hug?" (Or rub your back or throw the football around or whatever you do when you give your kids attention.)

When that child is calm, repeat with the other child(ren).

Your goal is to let your kids know that:

1) You understand they need your attention; and

2) You accept them; and

3) You aren't going to judge them for needing or wanting your love.

Depending on how old the kids are and how long the rivalry has lasted, you may hear a little sarcasm. But I promise you, there's a soft vulnerability underneath those barbs. If you can ignore the sarcasm and keep offering more attention, you'll be amazed how quickly the arguments disappear.

Giving them attention doesn't mean you have to be at their beck and call for the rest of the day. It may mean you give them hugs and kisses. It may mean sitting and talking with them. Or it may just mean sitting quietly and playing a game of their choice for a few minutes.

When They Both Want Your Attention at Once

It helps if you warn them that you'll have to take turns giving each child individual attention. I handle this in a really straightforward way.

I just say something like, "Listen, I can see you both want my attention now. And honestly, you both deserve it. (That's the best line I've come up with yet!)

I really want to give both of you the attention you deserve, but I'm only human. So how about if I sit over here and talk with you first, then I'll play a game with you...and so on."

This also works really well when there's a new baby in the house. Obviously, if you're in the middle of feeding, changing or bathing the baby, you can't give the older one(s) the attention they want.

So just say as sympathetically as possible, "You know what? I bet you want a hug right now, don't you?" Or, "Could you use some mommy time?" Or, "Does it seem to you like the baby is getting all my attention?"

Then say, "You deserve my attention, too. And I want to give it to you. Right now, I can't because I have to feed the baby. But as soon as I'm finished I'm going to...[give you a great big hug, play Candy Land with you, etc.]

Is This Really Guaranteed to Work?

Yes, but, of course, you have to put it into practice.

I am the first to admit that when I'm tired, hungry, cranky or PMSish (or worse, postpartumish!), I just can't bother with this trick. I mean, geez, even Barney would get PMS if he were a woman (and not a make-believe character)! So don't expect the battles to stop instantaneously and never arise again.

Plus, when the kids are tired and cranky, it doesn't matter how much attention you give them, they're not going to respond to anything but food and sleep. Understand that, too.

The reason this trick is guaranteed to work because it's based on understanding that the root of all sibling rivalry is a battle for your attention. Even if you do nothing other than understand that, and accept that all kids need attention (probably more than you have to give), you're 80% of the way there.

Stephanie Gallagher is the author of several parenting books and creator of "Mommy Merry Go Round," the hilarious new online movie that's taking the motherhood community by storm! See it today at http://www.mommymerrygoround.com

family-safe home cleaners Morton Grove ..
In The News:

Discover Android's new Sound Notifications feature that alerts you to smoke alarms, doorbells, and baby cries even when wearing headphones.
New SantaStealer malware reportedly threatens holiday shoppers with password theft. This Christmas-themed info-stealer targets browsers and crypto wallets.
The Christmas season brings a surge in Netflix phishing scams targeting shoppers with fake emails. Stacey P received convincing scam but verified account first.
San Francisco Giants invite Jamie Grohsong to throw ceremonial first pitch at Oracle Park after he learned to play baseball with a bionic hand following an injury.
FBI warns cybercriminals are stealing family photos from social media to create fake proof of life images in virtual kidnapping scams targeting victims.
Instagram's new 'Your Algorithm' tool lets you control your Reels feed in real time. The app now gives you power to customize what videos you see.
Major Marquis fintech breach exposes 400,000-plus Americans' data through unpatched SonicWall vulnerability, with Texas hardest hit at 354,000 affected.
Free up iPhone storage fast by clearing large photos and videos from Messages app. Simple steps for iOS users to delete attachments without losing chats.
Scammers are flooding inboxes with fake tracking alerts that mimic real carriers, exploiting the holiday rush to steal logins and personal data.
The Fox News AI Newsletter brings you the latest news on AI technology advancements and the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Texas family reunites with missing 11-year-old cat Grayson after 103 days using Petco Love Lost's AI photo matching technology and community help.
Tired of AI customer service loops? These insider tricks help you escape "frustration AI" and get real human help when you need it most for urgent issues.
Unlock richer audio from your streaming apps with simple tweaks to volume normalization, equalizer settings, and quality preferences for cleaner sound.
Scammers are sending fake Facebook settlement payout emails that mimic legitimate notices from the privacy settlement administrator to deceive users.
Holiday shopping scams surge as fake refund emails target distracted consumers during Black Friday and holiday seasons, costing Americans billions annually.
The AI-powered IRMO M1 exoskeleton features four modes, including turbo, eco, training and rest for hiking, running, cycling and sports with eight-hour battery life.
OpenAI announced upgrades for its ChatGPT Images platform on Tuesday, saying the program can now make more precise edits and produce images more quickly.
Chrome for Android now turns web articles into AI-powered podcast conversations. Get hands-free browsing with Google Gemini's natural audio summaries.
LastPass faces $1.6 million fine from U.K. regulators after 2022 data breach exposed 1.6 million users. Password manager failed proper security controls.
Petco disclosed a data breach exposing customer Social Security numbers, financial account details, and driver's license information due to a software error.
Baseball teams can now analyze complete swing mechanics in normal training environments using Theia's markerless AI system that processes standard high-speed footage.
Smart home hacking fears overblown? Expert reveals real cybersecurity risks and simple protection tips to keep your connected devices safe from hackers.
MIT develops needle-free glucose monitor using light technology. Revolutionary device could replace painful finger pricks for diabetes management.
The ClickFix campaign disguises malware as legitimate Windows updates, using steganography to hide shellcode in PNG files and bypass security detection systems.
Researchers from Osaka Metropolitan University designed a 21-foot dome that combines aquaculture and hydroponics to create a self-sustaining urban food system.

Paediatric Osteopathy

All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More

Breastfeeding, Its My Right

My name is Duncan and I'm 2 years old. I... Read More

How Public Schools Coerce Parents Into Giving Mind-Altering Drugs To Their Children

Despite the potentially dangerous side-effects of Ritalin, public school authorities... Read More

Maturing As a Parent

I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Love

I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More

The Real Problem With Todays Teenagers (And Why Most Parents Just Dont Get It!)

An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More

Clean Slates and Fresh Starts

Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More

Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right

One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More

Raise Awesome Kids! This 4-Point Plan Gets Results

Are your children truthful, kind, and helpful? If so, read... Read More

Family Meetings Are Now On The Agenda

"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More

How To Teach Children Loyalty and Dependability

Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More

How Two Quarelling Kids Helped Invent the Better Behavior Wheel

When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More

Parenting Confidence - Who Needs It?

It used to strike me as odd - but really,... Read More

Top Ten Things Parents Must Know About State Academic Standards (What Your Child s/b Learning)

Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More

The POWER of Reading

Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More

What Makes a Good Evaluation for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod

Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More

Top Seven Tips for Back-to-School Success

Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More

The Added Advantage In African American Childrens Education: Computer Homeschooling (Part 2)

We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More

Top Ten Ways to Raise Emotionally Intelligent Kids

Having a high level of emotional intelligence in your children... Read More

Children - Blessing or Curse

You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More

How Is Peaceful Parenting? Different?

Peaceful Parenting? ideas are very different from other kinds of... Read More

Beyond the Words, a Childs Voice

Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More

home cleaning services Wilmette ..