Home
>
Parenting
>
Saying No To Our Children

Saying No To Our Children

Saying no to our children is not always easy or pleasant. Sometimes it is very hard work and we don't want to face the struggle. Most of us at some time will find ourselves saying yes when we know we should have said no. Some people almost never say no. The funny thing is though, the more I am prepared to say no, and mean it, and enforce it, the less I have to say it. Children get the message. We have to say no to our diabetic children often enough, for health reasons, that you would think we would be better at it for other things. I know sometimes I feel a little guilty saying no to something after a series of diabetes related no's. But I still have to say no anyway. Parents who have to say no for most of the day will probably admit that they are not enforcing it. They give in too soon. When you do this you are sending mixed messages to your children about what they are and are not allowed to do. There are many reasons why we find it difficult to say no. However, there are some common patterns that we all display at some time or another. These are some common reasons, I know I need to raise my own hand at a couple of these.

* We want to protect or child from the "pain" or discomfort of disappointment.

* We want to protect ourselves from facing his feelings of anger or disappointment.

* We want to avoid the responsibilities of making a decision about an issue.

* We want to keep the peace and fear the row, or other consequences that may follow.

* We need our child's approval, want to be his friend, and fear his rejection.

* We want to keep the times we are with our child free from conflict.

We can get the necessary strength, confidence and authority to say no when it matters by understanding these reasons more fully.

Protecting Your Child from the Pain of Disappointment. Of course it hurts to see our children suffer, but mild discomfort and disappointment are a part of life. Our children will be better equipped to cope with the realities of life if they experience and learn to manage disappointment. This doesn't mean we should go out of our way to expose them to pain. It does mean that being the cause of their disappointment is not something we should feel guilty about. Being used to accepting no, and realizing that they can survive the disappointment, makes them stronger in the face of adversity and gives them a better idea of which "wants" are really important to them. Going without once in a while helps to develop a sense of priorities and character.

Protecting Ourselves from our Child's Feelings of Anger or Disappointment. We sometimes avoid saying no to protect ourselves from having to respond to our children's negative reaction. As parents, we are used to "making them feel better"; but how can we do this without giving in? We can't. We also can't avoid their negative reaction. We have to "stand in" and tough it out. Sometimes saying nothing is best for the situation

Avoiding the Responsibility of Making a Decision About an Issue. Sometimes we avoid saying no because it involves us in making a decision about rights and wrongs of an issue and taking responsibility for that decision afterward. It is easier to say yes, particularly if we don't find it easy to make decisions. Saying no puts the burden on us to have a reason for the refusal. If we cannot think of two good reasons for our decision then maybe we should re-think our position. We don't always have to supply our reasons to our children. When we say yes they don't ask why, they just accept the answer because it was what they wanted to hear. However, as parents it won't kill us to check our reasoning from time to time.

Fearful of the Row, or Other Consequences, That May Follow. If you find yourself often avoiding saying no because you are frightened of the power battle or retaliations that will follow, you need to ask yourself two questions.

* Have I got myself into a power-contest with my child, and if so, why?

* Am I letting myself be blackmailed by their threatened emotional reaction?

If the answer to either of these questions is yes, then you have two more questions to answer.

* Who is in charge?

* Who should be in charge?

Needing Approval, and fearing Rejection. Some parents may find it hard to say no because they are afraid their children won't like them if they don't give them what they want. They need to be liked and need to feel that their child is their friend. If you are looking for approval and friendship from your child, especially if you need it for your own self-esteem, then you are putting a huge burden on your child that they should not be asked to carry. We as parents need to be the constant factor in our children's lives. We need to be their rock of guidance and security.

Wanting to Keep the Times You Are Together Free from Conflict. It is very hard for a parent who does not spend much time, for whatever reason, with their child to start being tough and causing upset. It is only natural that you want to keep those precious moments free from conflict. Non custodial parents sometimes spoil their children when it's their weekend "on". Working parents who arrive home near bedtime may find it hard to resist the pleas for more time and attention. Our children have a way of knowing the weak spot, and will exploit it for all it's worth. To them it's worth a lot. But giving in or being soft is not in their best interest.

We know that it can be a hard world out there sometimes. At some point in their lives our children are going to have to face it on their own. We meet our responsibilities as parents by properly equipping them to successfully meet and overcome the obstacles they will surely face. Don't send your precious child out there unprepared.

About the Author
Russell Turner, USA
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com

Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children info@mychildhasdiabetes.com

bathroom cleaning service Northbrook ..

In The News:

ETA sharing on Apple Maps and Google Maps keeps contacts updated automatically while you drive safely. Learn step-by-step instructions for iPhone and Android.

Data removal from brokers protects against AI-powered scams and deepfake threats in 2026. Learn how data brokers sell your personal information to scammers.

Learn how to act against cybercriminals in 2026 with essential security steps like two-factor authentication, software updates and credit freezing.

Choose between OpenAI releasing Sora text-to-video model, the AI race heating up, or Waymo driverless cars launching in cities across the country

Learn how to set up Google Maps and Apple Maps on your phone to automatically remember where you parked. Step-by-step instructions for enabling location services and parking detection.

Phishing scammers use rnicrosoft.com domain to impersonate Microsoft by replacing "m" with "rn" in typosquatting attacks that steal login credentials.

OpenAI announces new teen safety rules for ChatGPT users under 18, blocking romantic roleplay and requiring extra caution on body image topics.

A 2025 data breach at fintech company 700Credit exposes personal information of more than 5.8 million people through compromised third-party integration partner.

Retailers lose $76.5 billion annually to return fraud as nearly 10% of U.S. retail returns involve fraudulent activity, with $850 billion in returns expected in 2025.

ShinyHunters claims responsibility for stealing 94GB of Pornhub user data affecting over 200 million records and demands Bitcoin ransom.

ChatGPT 2025 now connects to Apple Music, Canva, Expedia, TripAdvisor and OpenTable through built-in apps that help users create playlists, design graphics and more.

Apple releases emergency patches for two zero-day vulnerabilities actively exploited in attacks. iPhone and iPad users urged to update immediately.

DoorDash launches Zesty, an AI-powered social app that recommends restaurants through conversational search, now testing in San Francisco and New York.

Cybersecurity firm Infoblox reveals that over 90 percent of parked domains now redirect visitors to scams and malware, making simple typos extremely dangerous.

The Fox News AI Newsletter covers the latest artificial intelligence technology advancements, including the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

GPT-5.2 is now live for all ChatGPT users with improved coding, writing and image interpretation, with Kurt Knutsson offering his review.

New iPhone replacement scam uses pressure tactics and fake carrier calls to steal devices from buyers. Criminals claim shipping errors and demand urgent returns.

Amazon Ring's new facial recognition feature sparks privacy controversy as Electronic Frontier Foundation critics argue the AI upgrade expands surveillance risks.

New Android banking trojan Sturnus steals credentials, reads encrypted messages and controls devices.

Denmark's 3D-printed student village proves automation builds 36 apartments faster than traditional methods. Skovsporet project shows housing future.

Discover Android's new Sound Notifications feature that alerts you to smoke alarms, doorbells, and baby cries even when wearing headphones.

New SantaStealer malware reportedly threatens holiday shoppers with password theft. This Christmas-themed info-stealer targets browsers and crypto wallets.

The Christmas season brings a surge in Netflix phishing scams targeting shoppers with fake emails. Stacey P received convincing scam but verified account first.

San Francisco Giants invite Jamie Grohsong to throw ceremonial first pitch at Oracle Park after he learned to play baseball with a bionic hand following an injury.

FBI warns cybercriminals are stealing family photos from social media to create fake proof of life images in virtual kidnapping scams targeting victims.

Saying No To Our Children

Parenting