Here is a list of ways to convey the message "You are worthwhile" to your children. This list could fill a hundred newsletters, since the ways to raise responsible, happy children are limited only by our imaginations. Here are some places to begin.
1. Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say the words. If you think, "I don't have to tell her. She knows," you are wrong. It doesn't count if you think it but don't say it out loud.
2. Tell him that you are glad he is your child. Say the words and mean them. If you don't feel it, there is something wrong and you should find out what's going on. We all have moments when we have a hard time getting in touch with our positive feelings for our children. I'm not talking about those times. I'm talking about in general, most of the time, if you're not feeling good about being your child's parent, something is wrong. He will never feel good about himself if he senses that you are not connected to him.
3. Give her an example to follow. Take the time to teach her the steps. Kids need models. It's unfair to expect that she will know what to do in her daily life if you haven't shown her how to do it.
4. Spend time with him. If you are absent most of the time, he notices, and he probably thinks it's because he isn't important enough.
5. Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, "This is important and you are important."
6. Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, "What you are saying is important. You are important."
7. Explain why. It takes more time, but it conveys that she is important enough to spend the time helping her understand. When you explain why, you are also saying, "I understand that you need to know why. I am going to help you meet your needs."
8. When he tells you about something that happened, ask him how he feels about it. Take the time to listen to his answer.
9. When you ask a question, encourage her to elaborate. Say, "Tell me more about that," or ask, "What was that like?"
10. When you ask a question, don't interrupt when she is answering.
11. When you ask a question, watch your responses. Don't disagree or criticize his answer. This teaches him that it isn't safe to be candid and will make him edit what he tells you.
12. Take her seriously.
13. Participate in the driving. The kids whose parents never help with the driving feel bad about themselves.
14. Say no when you need to say no. Kids need to know there are limits and that some things are outside of those limits.
15. When you say no, explain why.
16. When you say yes, explain why.
17. Set a positive example with your own behavior. You can only expect her to behave with dignity and self-respect if she sees you doing it.
18. When you lose your temper or make a mistake, apologize. Say that you are sorry, be specific about what you are sorry for, and give him a chance to respond.
19. When you know that you have disappointed him, acknowledge it. Ask him how he feels about it.
20. Spend time alone with her. Arrange activities for just the two of you.
21. Ask him what he would like to do.
22. Give her a private space where she can express herself.
23. Respect his privacy.
24. If he did a good job on something, say so.
25. If she didn't do such a good job on something, point out what she did well.
26. After a disappointment or failure, ask, "What did you learn from the experience?"
27. When you are giving feedback, describe specific behavior. For example, "I like how you asked the question so politely" or "You still need to pick up the towels off the floor."
28. When there is a problem, focus on the issue, not the child. For example, "You didn't do the last ten problems on this assignment" is more constructive than "You never finish anything."
29. Ask what he thinks.
30. Let her be the one to choose the restaurant, movie, or activity some of the time.
31. Ask him to go with you on routine errands just because you want to spend some time with him.
32. Touch her when you talk to her.
33. Give him a hug at least every few days.
34. Go in and say goodnight before she goes to sleep. (This is easy to forget once they become teenagers.)
35. Look up and smile when he walks into the room.
36. Introduce yourself when she is with a new friend.
37. Ask her to tell you about the book she is reading or the movie she just saw.
38. Review child development literature regularly to stay updated on what is normal at each age and stage. It is important to recheck your standards and expectations to be sure they are realistic for the child's age and individual abilities.
39. Look for ways to maintain your own self-esteem. If you are unhappy, discontent, or disappointed in how your life is turning out, it will be difficult for you to build the self-esteem of your children.
40. Every child needs to be the object of a parent's undivided attention on a regular basis.
41. Make certain that your body language matches your words. If they are out of synch, he will be aware of it.
42. Be yourself. Tell the truth.
43. Be appropriate. You don't have to say everything that is on your mind or tell him things he isn't ready to know.
44. If you show that you accept yourself and your actions, you give permission to her to do the same.
Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
cleaning help near Mundelein ..Finding answers to a child's underachievement is often a difficult... Read More
Here is a list of ways to convey the message... Read More
As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
(Isaiah 11:6 KJV) The wolf also shall dwell with the... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
Loving your step-child can be both simple and hard. It... Read More
Why Me?"We should certainly count our blessings, but we should... Read More
Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More
There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
Vacations are fun ! Weekends with the family are nice.... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
An Awesome Dad in by no means perfect. But that... Read More
Most of us when asked what we want our children... Read More
The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More
The subject of competition is one that provokes some pretty... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
Some years ago when touring the Scottish Highlands, a man... Read More
reliable maid service Wilmette ..Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Night Visits From Your ChildIn the middle of the night... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More
Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More
Voices!So many voices crying out for adherence and so many... Read More
We adopted our first child when he was three months... Read More
Bearers of life, wipers of noses, givers of unconditional love... Read More
Choosing a good car seat for your child's protection is... Read More
Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was... Read More
There are so many learning labels floating around these days... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More
Once, as a Learning Support Teacher, I made my way... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
I have been a single mom for almost 20 years.... Read More
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More
Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More
My kids ask me all the time to take them... Read More
Oh Please, Don't Say Maybe!!!!Are you often a participant in... Read More
Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
Parenting |