"How many times do I have to tell you to clean your room?" Why should a child keep his room neat? Many children say they don't care whether it is neat or dirty, so why should it matter to anyone else? Unless it is a health or safety hazard, or things are getting lost and broken? Then comes the age old question, "What is neat?" The answer certainly differs with a ten year old child and a thirty five year old Mom. Who is setting the standard of how clean a room must be to be acceptable.
What constitutes a neat and tidy room may not seem like such a big deal, but it represents a microcosm of how the family works together and how personal responsibility is taught and learned. Even though your child picks up his shoes without being reminded and turns in his homework assignments, it won't guarantee his success in life. It will, however, go far to help him to develop the characteristics and attributes that employers and mates look for.
In the next few minutes, as you read this article, you will find two different and distinct components of responsibility: outward and inward.
1. Outward responsibility deals with everyday life skills such as doing chores, cleaning the room, doing assigned chores, brushing teeth, returning videos on time, and feeding the dog. Each family has its own list of what they consider important, so we will not discuss particular tasks. Rather, we want you to focus on nurturing a positive attitude and good habits in your children - habits that will help them to be productive and reliable.
If your child has the responsibility to clean his room and you clean it for him, he has learned a valuable lesson. He has learned that if he stalls long enough or whines convincingly enough that you will step in. He has no "ownership" of the task. It is not really his job, it is yours and you occasionally get him to do it.
2. Inward responsibility deals with attitudes, beliefs, and values. Being inwardly responsible means admitting mistakes, treating others as you would like to be treated, being unselfish, and caring about other people's health, property and feelings. We frequently get bogged down with the frustration of dirty rooms and forget about more important factors like inward motivation.
Effective discipline and mindful parenting is setting reasonable limits on our children at different developmental stages but giving them choices so they can learn to form their own opinions.
Our goal is to help them become self-disciplined and to learn to think and problem solve without asking or being told what to do in every situation.
Aptitude and competence or the ability to accomplish a task is not nearly as important and vital to a happy life as attitude and confidence. This is the area where we help our children build self-esteem, problem solving skills, a can-do outlook, and positive expectations toward life.
What does it mean to teach your children responsibility?
All parents have a different answer and a different expectation of when and how their children will assume personal responsibility. Responsibility must be taught. It is not a natural skill, but it can be learned at any age. You do not become responsible when you are mature; rather, you become mature when you are responsible. There are four variables in this exciting venture:
1. Your child (learning style, age, motor skills, interest, hot buttons or incentives)
2. Your expectations (perfection or ever-learning; Being kind and firm in discipline)
3. Your example and how you model 'assuming personal responsibility' for your choices (use the four R's: Recognize, Remorse, Restitution, and Resolve to correct mistakes)
4. Consistency and follow-through (natural and logical consequences)
Focus on the learning experience, not the finished product
In teaching your children to assume personal responsibility focus your attention on the learning experience, not on the finished product. It is the process that is most important. Constantly remind yourself that you are a teacher and your subject matter is life skills. A good affirmation to repeat to yourself is one that comes from Dr. Wayne Dyer, "I will be as helpful as I can in assisting my children to help themselves."
A cooperative environment is one where everyone in the family wins; there are no losers. By learning to support and assist each other in small daily tasks, we set the stage for encouragement and a willingness to become self-reliant.
Good luck. As a word of encouragement, I have to tell you that, of our grown children, the ones who were the messiest as kids are the neatest as adults! Hang in there; there is hope for the future.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator ? 2005 www.artichokepress.com
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareFor several years now, I've told the following story as... Read More
Think back to your own childhood. Chances are, some of... Read More
Reading is the most important skill that a child must... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
Childhood friendships are as special as they are a necessary... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Our children are growing up bilingual in the French part... Read More
It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More
We take it for granted that children know how money... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
1) It's not my (pot, beer, cigarettes, etc.), I'm just... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
OK, moms and dads out there, we hear you when... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
I am in pain. I've been in pain all day.... Read More
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Antigo wedding limo ..No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
Anyone can become a parent; there are no tests or... Read More
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
The hot new reality TV show "Nanny 911" has been... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
I am a single mother of a 17 year old... Read More
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
Nanny 911 Interview with Montel WilliamsI saw an interview with... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic... Read More
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard,... Read More
Parents play a critical role in their child's success. These... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling... Read More
It's the third time this week that Sam has complained... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More
Many reasons will cause some people to feel the need... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
One of parents' most important duties is to protect their... Read More
Parenting |