Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called me today and told me a very troubling story. She told me on a T.V. news program she heard of a mother who was driving with her four year old child. The mother became angry with her child and couldn't cope anymore with her child's misbehaving. Finally the mother abruptly braked, stopping the car on a busy highway. She pulled over to the side of the highway, opened the door and pushed her child out of the car, slammed the door and just drove away! Luckily, someone saw this poor kid on the side of the highway, stopped and spoke to the child, had the police come by and the mother was eventually found. Unbelievable ? dropping your child off on a busy highway because you can't cope with a four year old's misbehaving or with your own anger!
Anger is feeling irked, annoyed, furious, impatient, irritated, frustrated and disgusted. There is nothing wrong with the feeling of anger. Feeling and expressing your anger is healthy for everyone. What is not appropriate is taking your anger out on someone else. Hitting, yelling, and belittling are not the answers for expressing your anger.
Parents are understandably older, bigger, more powerful and stronger than their child. Even with all this clout on the parent's side, parents are uncomfortable with their child's behavior and become angry toward their child. Children are petrified of their parent's anger. If you ask anyone what is their one worse memory of anger, it will most probably relate to their parent's anger either towards each other or to their child. When a child hears loud voices, a certain tone of voice, and hears his parents fighting, it plays havoc with him because his parents' relationship is the foundation of his existence. Parents are an irreplaceable figure in the lives of their children. The thought of not having a family life leaves a child believing he will be all alone on this earth. He wonders what will happen to him? Scary stuff for a child to contemplate.
Four-year-old Beth had frequent bouts of temper tantrums, dawling, rudeness, and just loved to tease her younger brother Ken. Beth's parents were becoming fed-up and angry with Beth because no matter what they did, Beth continued being a hands-full. Beth's parents found themselves nagging, scolding, punishing and finally spanking Beth every time she acted up. They started to feel guilty. Beth's parents knew there had to be a better way to overcome their anger, as well as to guide Beth to more emotionally acceptable behavior, but didn't know what to do. They noticed that the more aggressive their behavior toward Beth, only increased exactly the behavior they wanted to discourage. They saw that their punishment really had virtually no corrective value.
Beth's parents needed some beneficial strategies that would allow their feeling of anger. They needed a demonstration to their child on ways of overcoming their anger. It's simple: children learn by imitating. Every child watches and learns from his mother and father. Beth also needed a way to be encouraged to express her anger constructively, not disruptively. Allowing your child to express their anger, to say what's on their minds is a healthy way to connect with your child. Your child's verbal expression of anger is allowing you to know that your child feels safe enough to express an uncomfortable thought.
Many parents know that time-out, being grounded, loss of privilege, and disappointment expressed are far more effective forms of punishment than hitting or belittling. In these cases, a child learns that they are still OK people even thought their actions and behaviors were not. The next time you feel angry, try one, or all, of the following:
Step 1: Physical Exercise to Exhaustion Activity
When you're angry, take your child outdoors and take a brisk walk. Tell your child that you are working off your anger. Keep walking until you start to feel calmer and in control. Or you can try jogging, lifting weights, or walking up and down a flight of stairs until you feel exhausted. These forms of exercise always calm everyone down.
Step 2: The Closed Door Gigantic Bear Activity
Tell your child that you are angry and need to let it out. Go into a room; don't invite your child in, just tell your child to wait outside the door. Close the door and pretend you are a gigantic bear! Grunt, groan, stomp around and let it all out! This episode sounds funny, but it allows your anger to come out in a non-threatening way. You may hear a fit of giggles on the other side of the door, as your child will think this sounds very funny. You need to vent and let that anger out.
Step 3: Angry Letter Time
When you become angry, bring your child to a table with two pencils, two envelopes, and some paper. Tell your child that you are writing your anger away. Give your child a pencil (or crayon) and paper. Encourage your child to start writing or drawing. Start writing your "anger letter" (just write, don't speak), by placing on paper what it is about your child that makes you so angry, what they did or didn't do. After you finish, put the letter in an envelope unsealed. When you feel angry again, open and read it. Add how you are feeling to the end of it. After you no longer need to look at the letter, dispose of the letter with a ceremony. Make a meaningful occasion out of the disposal. This gesture allows your child to understand that anger can be expressed, placed on paper, and not by physically hurting another person by spanking or yelling.
Step 4: Anger Role Play
Go into a room alone and place two seats facing each other. Imagine your child sitting in the other seat. (Don't invite your child to this activity!) Tell your imaginary child how angry you are with him/her. Then move to the empty chair and speak as he/she would speak to you. Them jump back to your chair and discredit your child's argument or logic. Tear it to shreds! Go back and forth, playing yourself and your child as long as you need to. You can share this Anger Role Play with your child once you vent all your anger out and can demonstrate how effective this technique is to expressing anger and feeling refreshed by its outcome.
Remember, feeling and expressing your anger in a non-threatening way is healthy for everyone.
Linda Milo, aka The Parent-Child Connection Coach, has a simple philosophy: "Raising healthy children takes more than the right expectations, or knowing appropriate ways of disciplining or rewarding your child. Parenting children is also a deeply emotional experience that requires you, the parent, to maintain an awareness of your own needs". For a FREE consultation on having a healthy and trusting relationship with your child in 90 days, guaranteed, go to: http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com or e-mail Linda at: http://www.empoweringparentsnow.com.
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carNot nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More
Is it hard to communicate with your teenager about issues... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
Elana, born in Russia, was told "We really don't know... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
One of the questions I ask in parenting presentations is... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
'And all because of a damned cat! It's only a... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
It was at that time when our marriage was falling... Read More
What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems?... Read More
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years... Read More
1 "Law of Belonging": The greatest need of teenagers (after... Read More
I never dreamed that I would be in a position... Read More
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and... Read More
Are men to blame for the divorce problem in this... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
The cost of being a parent and raising a child... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Recently, a much-anticipated game of mini-golf with my children soon... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
There are few thoughts as terrifying as the abduction of... Read More
It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More
In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
Those of you that have children know what an excursion... Read More
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment,... Read More
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
Parenting |