Parenting

This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist, and father.

The following suggestions will be useful for any parent or caregiver who wants to improve their relationships with their children.

In more extreme situations, many of the approaches will still be directly useful, and the overall approach is a guide for what the extreme situation needs to come back to.

It would also be very useful to attend relationship and/or family counselling to uncover the deeper sources of any family conflict.

Main points:

  • Often, it is the unresolved trauma or early needs in the parents or caregivers that set up the behaviour and feelings of the child, so an absolutely necessary first step is for the caregiver to acknowledge and begin to deal with their own unresolved unconscious processes and reactivity.

  • The main thing that children need is to be genuinely liked and delighted-in. They instinctively know your feelings about them. Parents need to arrange their lives so that they have enough opportunity to feel and express delight in their children.

    Children have a primary need to be played with, and talked to, with actual connection, imagination to imagination - eg, on the floor, both delighting in the building and toppling of the blocks!

    The imagination connection has to be real - kids know! It's as real a need as food.

  • The second most important thing is that the parent's relationship is the priority ? not the children. The children need the parents to be the priority as well, as this gives them stability, security and example.

  • There is no such thing as "naughty" - there is always a reason for crying and "misbehaving".

  • How you want your child to be, you need to be yourself ? there is no avoiding this, children are acutely aware of hypocrisy and "natural" justice. Be honest about yourself with them ? you don't have to be "perfect", just honest.

  • If children are considered as an inhibition on your "lifestyle", there will be problems - they love to be included in what you do (exclusion is very damaging).

    It takes much less effort overall, to actually pay real attention to, and to play with children on a genuine level, than to have them continually whining, crying, sulking and demanding.

  • Be consistent and sparing with commands and discipline ? a continual barrage of un-enforced, or inconsistently, enforced "don'ts" just makes children switch off to what you say. (This can be very dangerous, when an especially important "don't" comes along).

    It is very important to consistently apply previously stated consequences to any inappropriate behaviour.

    It is also very important that rules are fair and adhered to by the parents as well.

  • Fairness is very important. Real, and/or perceived unfairness is probably the main trigger of conflict (even with adults).

  • Give children definite, fair, and un-hypocritical limits that are socially acceptable, and as free as possible.

    Your children want your respect and approval, so "discipline" them by withdrawing yourself from them - only for as long as the socially unacceptable behaviour continues. The only "reward" for "good" behaviour is social acceptance - "good" behaviour should be considered as "normal", nothing special.

  • Children are naturally fully intelligent - they are only lacking experience and information.

  • Encourage physical and emotional "robustness" so that they can take, and enjoy, whatever textures life has for them. Don't over-protect or smother a child when hurt. Encourage self-reliance by supporting them to help themselves. But beware, this is not an excuse for abuse or neglect, it's a call for diligent, parentally-nurtured self-reliance.

    Encourage self-confidence and self-responsibility. (If a child is obsessively over-protected, with the "message" that they are not capable, then they will be incapable).

  • Uninhibited physical contact is very important ? avoid imparting your own phobias and obsessions to them. Again, this is not an excuse for abuse ? as parents and caregivers we must do the work on ourselves, to become free of our own dysfunction.

  • Bring about an awareness and appreciation of beauty.

    (A person, who is happy, and aware of beauty, cannot deliberately destroy that beauty, or harm others or the planet).

  • Action and behaviour need to come out of willingness never fear. (Discipline coming out of fear and hate can never allow a person to be "whole" and creative).

  • Uninterrupted "daydreaming" has been found to be a crucial element in well-being and growth, because lateral thinking, creativity, and internal connections happen in this mind state. Allow children this space ? if they over-daydream, it's possible that there is some unresolved issue in the child's life that needs attending to.

  • Avoid trying to "convince" a younger child with "reason", just state your position and hold to it firmly and lovingly.

  • Allow children to develop at their own rate, (physically, mentally, and emotionally), while continuing to provide an environment that draws them on.

  • Try not to limit a child's exploring - exploring is absolutely natural and necessary.

  • Avoid creating conflict with a child by denying them doing what you are doing, or having, yourself - if you can't change your own ways, (to lead by example), then allow them a minimum of what you are doing or having, (while seeming to allow a lot). Conflict born of (perceived) unfairness is a big problem.

Summary

  • The child needs to be genuinely delighted in.

  • No parent is "perfect" ? intention, awareness and self-honesty are what are important.

  • Parents need to be firm, consistent, non-violent (physically or emotionally), non-materialistic, un-hypocritical and loving.

  • No put-downs, no guilt, no devaluing.

About The Author

Clive Taylor has spent years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics, physics, sociology and psychology.

His ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches.

Author/illustrator children's books and co-creator of a music CD.

Related web site: www.becomereal.com

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.
Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.
Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.
Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.
China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries
Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.
The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.
ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.
Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.
The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.
You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.
Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.
Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you honor our heroes with these powerful podcasts, audiobooks and documentaries this Veterans Day.

School Days - Top 10 Tips for Establishing a Good Routine

Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More

Back to School - Disappontment?

Our back-to-school buying habits do not help kids succeed in... Read More

Parents and Children Working Together

When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More

Its OK to Say No

In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to... Read More

What is Hyperactivity in Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder?

Most of the ADHD kids that are seen in a... Read More

The Importance of Fathers

There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading... Read More

Stay at Home Mom You Need to Raise Cowboys

Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More

How To Foster An Environment For Successful Communications With Your Child

As parents, we strive to address all of the questions... Read More

Raising Teenagers? Stay C.A.L.M.

Parents of teenagers frequently ask what can be done to... Read More

When A Parent Is Deployed

When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More

Adderall and Its Side-Effects

Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More

Child Safety at Home

Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More

Three Tips to Get Children with Sleeping Problems Asleep

According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More

The Top 5 Reasons Why Unwed-Parents Must Establish Paternity

"It takes a village to raise a child" is more... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Tips for Effective Discipline and Consequences

A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More

Life Lessons in a Glass of Beer

It was blisteringly hot last Saturday. As I took that... Read More

10 Secrets To Know You?re A Good Working Parent To Your Kids!

How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More

Communications for Family Emergencies

You know that children can get into trouble. The older... Read More

Children Who Talk to Angels

What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More

Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?

Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More

My Teenaged Parents

Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More

How Public Schools Lie to Parents and Betray Our Children

Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More

You Want Whaaat???

Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More

The Thing with Quality Time

It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More

5 Simple Steps Guaranteed To Allow You To Spend More Time With Your Children This Summer

Look around: Your kids are counting sleeps until the last... Read More

Antigo wedding limo ..