"I don't know and I don't care."
I've heard those words more than a few times in my office. Sometimes I think "I don't know and I don't care" is the universal teen tribal motto.
So what to do?
I remember working with one kid who said absolutely nothing in the first session but "I don't know and I don't care" at least 10 times each.
So just before he came for his next session, I wrote "I don't know" on one side of a sheet of paper and "I don't care" on the other side. I then taped the piece of paper to the couch I thought he was most likely to sit on.
In comes the kid, cracks up laughing, tapes the paper to his shirt, and then begins to talk for the rest of the meeting.
3 Keys for How to Respond
I tell you the above story because it offers three keys on how to respond to "I don't know and I don't care."
1) Don't buy into what they are saying. It's just a way to try to get you to back off, and/or to see if you care enough to pursue them.
2) You simply must keep your sense of humor. Get hooked and get angry and you are dead in the water.
3) Do something different or unexpected. As parents we can become predictable.
If I can get parents to respond in ways that put a confused look on the face of a teen, I know we are getting somewhere.
A Fun Response
The next time you hear the words "I don't know" respond this way:
"Well, you know what, at your age it's OK not to know a whole lot. But if you did know, what would it be?"
I use this in my office all the time. Nine out of 10 times, the kid will answer and start talking.
One time out of 10 times a teen will respond with
"You are just asking the same question in a different way."
To which I respond
"You know what, you are right! And you have also just shown me how very bright you are, so quit playing dumb and answer the question."
In the face of the universal teen motto, remember:
Don't buy it, keep your sense of humor and don't get hooked.
Respond creatively and differently.
Visit parentingyourteenager.com to subscribe to Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."
family-safe home cleaners Morton Grove ..A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
More and more kids these days are diagnosed ADD, ADHD,... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
Recently, our family had the opportunity to care for sisters'... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More
Life is full of competition -- even in childhood. Kids... Read More
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year... Read More
Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More
"Money is tight, and my husband's obsessed with doing everything... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
What do you do when your child begins talking to... Read More
Diapers..Changing a dirty diaper is not the best part of... Read More
We know that you want your little guy or gal... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
'Whose room is it anyway?'If you have a teenager, you're... Read More
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep... Read More
A strange thing happened to me today. Or more precisely,... Read More
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More
home cleaning services Wilmette ..The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More
Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More
Minus all meningitis thoughts. The flu symptons were strong. Headache,... Read More
In memory of 14 year old Matthew Smith; 11 year... Read More
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More
Tripping over the shoes and toys that seem to clutter... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born, later my son.... Read More
Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many... Read More
Children are moral and make moral determinations... at least until... Read More
Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
Sometimes dreams really can come true! May 8th - 11th,... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
There is a front line and a back end to... Read More
Many working families choose a commercial or individual day care... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
You may think once your child has gone off to... Read More
"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing... Read More
Corolle Paul or Emma Drink-and-Wet SET potty dollsThis is the... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
Parenting |