Parenting Your Teenager: When is it OK to Quit?

Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and has played an instrument and/or played in band all her life. Now all of a sudden she wants to quit lessons and quit band. Is this normal or a warning sign of something bad? Should we let her quit?

A. There are times when wanting to drop something that has been a big part of your life can indicate a problem in need of immediate attention. If there are any other signs that your daughter might be depressed or using drugs, then you will want to get her two appointments - one with her doctor and one with a family counselor who works with teenagers.

If she's not depressed and/or doing drugs, then dropping an instrument and band may be a decision that she is ready to make. Certainly she is old enough to make that decision, and she may have simply lost interest.

How to End Gracefully

You can tell her that if dropping the instrument and band is something she wants to do, there are two things she needs to do first.

The first is have her write a letter of thanks to the person who taught her the instrument and to the band director, thanking each for their time and effort and sharing what she has learned.

I suggest this for two reasons: It's simply a classy thing to do, and it may re-awaken in her the reasons she got involved in the band.

The second is to tell her she can quit band only after she finds something else to be involved in. It's quite fine to want to quit something, but at her age, it needs to be replaced with something else. This is because one of the strongest needs of kids and teens is to have a sense of belonging. This need is so strong that a teen will get it met some how, either in a positive place or a negative place.

By requiring that she find something else to be a part of, you are helping to make sure she finds a positive place to belong.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit parentingyourteenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his f'ree weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

bathroom cleaning service Lincolnshire ..
In The News:

The Omoway Omo X features a modular design, obstacle detection and emergency braking, and can drive itself to charging stations, signaling the future of smart urban mobility.
PillTrek, a tiny wireless smart capsule created by Caltech, provides real-time gut health data by detecting electrolytes, metabolites, glucose, hormones, pH levels and temperature.
Learn to spot fake bank text messages with five warning signs of Chase phishing scams, including suspicious links and urgent deadlines designed to steal your account information.
Robot coyotes built on motorized cars reaching 20 mph are being deployed at military airfields as an innovative solution to wildlife threats to aircraft safety.
Explore Google Drive's strengths and weaknesses as a backup solution, including its encryption security, privacy concerns and comparison to dedicated backup tools.
As environmental challenges grow, underwater habitats gain momentum with DEEP's Vanguard, supporting short missions and Sentinel designed for 28-day stays at depth.
The new Urban Eyes safety vest features dual cameras, reflective panels and a wireless remote to deter harassers and provide peace of mind for outdoor workouts.
The $200 billion data broker industry tracks your personal details across websites, posing privacy risks that can be mitigated through data removal services.
UCC Holding has teamed up with COBOD to create desert-inspired, 3D-printed schools in Qatar, featuring dune-like wavy walls impossible with conventional construction.
Darkling beetles equipped with microchip backpacks can be guided through disaster areas using electrical signals, offering a biological solution for search and rescue.
Scammers use number porting to take control of outdated landlines still connected to financial accounts, bypassing two-factor authentication to steal funds while avoiding detection.
Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey developed Bitchat, a privacy-focused messaging app that works offline via Bluetooth without requiring email, phone numbers or personal data.
Google is making a push to ensure its AI, Gemini, is tightly integrated with Android systems by granting it access to core apps like WhatsApp, Messages, and Phone.
A new green energy system is set to change how we capture clean power, and it all starts with the ocean. French startup Seaturns has designed technology that taps into the natural motion of the sea.
Cybersecurity researchers are warning that hackers have started exploiting flaws in chatbots to carry out AI phishing attacks.
Google has just made it easier than ever to regain control of your inbox with Gmail's new Manage Subscriptions tool.
Despite the benefits, residential power saver programs come with several potential drawbacks and concerns that have been raised by both customers and experts.
The Blackdot AI tattoo machine is quiet. It's steady. And according to early users, it hurts a lot less.
Attackers have started to exploit the very signals that users assume will keep them safe when it comes to add-ons to improve productivity or entertainment.
Located on Cerro Pachón in Chile, the world's most powerful digital camera is set to transform how we see the universe.
The innovative DQ Tower stands 28 feet tall with 420 square feet of living space, featuring floor-to-ceiling windows and premium amenities in a prefabricated design.
A new mmWave imaging system allows warehouse robots to scan and create 3D models of objects inside sealed containers, potentially revolutionizing shipping processes.
Family fraud endangers seniors when relatives exploit their trust, but removing personal data online and monitoring identity can prevent financial harm to aging parents.
A study analyzing 500,000 customer service interactions shows chatbots struggle with complex issues while human agents excel at matching customer communication styles.
Aigen's Element robot uses solar power and AI to provide farmers with a sustainable alternative to herbicides, working efficiently in cotton and soy fields.

Three Sure-Fire Ways to Teach Your Child About Safety

Levels of SafetyBy teaching our children there are different levels... Read More

Whos Teaching Your Child About Money?

Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More

Why have children? DINCs, This is For You!

First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the... Read More

Are Your Kids Driving You Crazy? How Character Building Charts Keep You Sane

Who lives in your house? Are they driving you "crazy?"... Read More

Whats Mine Is Mine

You are at the grocery store with your daughter and... Read More

Facing the Homeschool Super Mom

I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus... Read More

Mommies and Me Special Time

Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More

A New Dad To Be? Deer in the headlights?

Ok. So you're a dad to be. If you're like... Read More

Thriving As A Family When You Live In The Fast lane

It is extraordinary times that we find ourselves in. Change... Read More

Your Checking Account

Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More

Fraternal Twin Parenting Concerns

Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More

Five Easy Steps to Picking the Perfect Baby Name

One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

Parents, Teach Thought-Stopping! Fix Crooked Thinking Caps

Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More

Raising a Self-Sufficient Teen

Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More

Andy Griffith Show Family Lessons

Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More

MORAL ARMORS Irrational Parenting, Part III

Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More

Meet The Twixters!

There is a new stage of development for parents to... Read More

Watering Your Young Child?s Mind

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How does your garden grow? With... Read More

10 keys to Developing Your Childs Genius

Would you like your child to be the best that... Read More

Sharing Books with Children

One of my first memories of childhood is that of... Read More

Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?

Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More

Say No to Mealtime Mayhem: Eating Out With Your Baby or Toddler

Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More

Meeting The True Needs of Children Diagnosed As ADHD

How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More

ADHD: Some Survival Strategies for Parents

In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More

recurring housekeeping Des Plaines ..