Home
>
Parenting
>
Parenting Your Teenager: What to Do When Your Teen Feels Left Out

Parenting Your Teenager: What to Do When Your Teen Feels Left Out

On a recent Saturday evening, I noticed a young teen-age girl crying alone. My first impulse was to go over and check on her. Worried that my approach might be taken the wrong way, I just smiled at her and went in the store to meet my wife. I forgot about it until we came out to the car.

Same girl, still crying.

My wife went to see what was going on. Turns out that the girl was upset because she'd been treated badly by some friends and felt left out. My wife told her she went through that, too, as a kid. Then the girl hit her with the big question:

"Does it get any better?"

Does it? Well, yes and no.

The yes part

When you are young, it seems almost like life and death. As you get to the other side of the current crisis, you are able to gain some perspective, and it feels less urgent and hurts just a little less. As you learn to effectively deal with these situations, it can definitely get better.

But getting left out always hurts. This is because having a sense of belonging is one of our greatest emotional needs. This is especially true when you are young. I've noticed that the teens and the parents both have a part to play in handling these painful situations.

Tips for teens

If you find yourself on the receiving end of being left out, there are some powerful things you can do. The most difficult is to ask what you might be doing that sets you up to get left out.

Another strategy is to realize that most often, being left out says so much more about them than it does about you. Seek other friendships.

Don't waste energy trying to fit into a group that thrives on excluding people. By becoming an includer and seeking out others, you build your own group and get to belong.

The choice to include others may go against what some of your friends want, but it will eventually make you more popular, because you end up with more friends and because you have a stronger character.

Tips for parents

Later that night, the girl's mom called to thank Lauren for talking with her.

Fortunately, the mom understands how important this struggle is to her daughter. Many parents do not.

What may seem like kid stuff to us is the whole world to them. When you consider that a teen's world is often made up of who you know, who you hang out with and who you are seen with, you can begin to understand the importance of this struggle.

This is one way teen-agers begin to learn how to deal with their own emotions, how to interact with others, and how to respond to disappointment. If they are bringing these situations to you, they are honoring you as parents. By treating the situation seriously, you honor them.

If you respond to their pain as if you think it's silly, you damage the relationship and virtually guarantee they will not come to you.

Let them know you understand how much it hurts and how important it is to them. Help them see that it may not be at all about them, but about the other person's poor choices. At the same time, help them identify any patterns of behavior that might be setting them up to get left out. Encourage them to seek out others.

You may be tempted to tell them your own stories of being left out as a kid. That's OK, as long as you listen to them and deal with their problems first.

Taking the situation seriously gives both of you a strong base from which to operate, to heal, and to handle this in a way that makes you both stronger.

Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.

apartment cleaning near Highland Park ..

In The News:

Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.

Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.

Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.

Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.

New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.

Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.

The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.

Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.

Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.

Major data breach at Conduent exposes personal information of 10+ million people. Government contractor hit by cyberattack affecting Medicaid, child support systems.

Texas startup Janta Power raises $5.5M for innovative vertical solar towers that generate 50% more energy than traditional panels while using just one-third the land.

NASA's twin ESCAPADE spacecraft launched aboard Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket Thursday afternoon from Cape Canaveral, beginning their journey to Mars with arrival expected in 2027.

Learn how to set email reminders on iPhone and Android so you never forget to reply again. Simple built-in features help you stay organized and on top of messages.

Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.

New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.

Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.

Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.

The AltoVolo Sigma hybrid-electric aircraft flies 500 miles at 220 mph while operating 80% quieter than helicopters, featuring safety systems and compact design.

Google search scam alert: fake customer service numbers can give scammers remote control of your phone. Learn how to spot these traps and protect yourself.

Electric vehicles overtake gas cars in total CO2 savings after just two years of driving, with emissions benefits growing over time as power grids get cleaner.

Louvre Museum reportedly used "Louvre" as password for surveillance system during $100M jewel heist. Learn how weak passwords put even famous institutions at risk.

Bipartisan AI jobs bill from Sens. Hawley and Warner would require companies to report AI-related layoffs and hiring to Department of Labor quarterly.

Joe A. from Shelton, Connecticut, lost $228,000 to a ZAP Solutions cryptocurrency investment scam after his divorce, highlighting rising online fraud.

AI-powered autonomous trucks from Waabi and Volvo target U.S. freight driver shortage with Level 4 self-driving technology and NVIDIA computing platform integration.

Survive flight disruptions with expert travel tips: Book early morning flights, download airline apps and know your refund rights during service cuts.