Attention all parents of teen-agers. Here is an important, groundbreaking and even shocking bulletin for you:
According to research conducted at the prestigious-sounding Josephson Institute of Ethics in, of course, California, here are two startling pieces of information:
1) 92 percent of teens surveyed admitted to lying to their parents at least once in the last year.
2) 78 percent of teens surveyed admitted to lying to their teachers at least once in the past year.
Have you gotten up off the floor yet?
Please forgive my sarcasm, but to put it in the language of the age group surveyed:
Well, duh.
If you are the parent of a teen-ager, I doubt you are at all surprised by these findings.
The results of my own scientific poll, conducted in three days of talking with the teens and parents I see in my office, give us these comments on the subject of teens lying to parents and/or teachers:
Only 92 percent?
The other 8 percent are lying.
Like they are really going to be honest on some lame survey.
I hope my parents don't read that article.
And other things really not printable.
So is it wrong to lie to your parents and teachers?
Of course.
Is honesty an issue of integrity and character?
Of course.
Do teens lie to their parents and teachers?
Of course.
So let's deal with it.
Tips for teens
File this under the care and feeding of parents:
Parents would rather know the truth the first time, no matter how ugly and horrible it might be, than to find out later that you lied.
Although it's sometimes hard to believe, parents were teen-agers once themselves. Which means that they know the lying game, and if they are paying attention, have a fairly good idea of when their kids are lying.
Here's a basic decision you need to make that will greatly affect your living-at-home years: Are my parents the enemy and I have to lie to get around them and get what I think I want, or can my parents be guides I can consult and trust to get me out into the real world?
Tips for parents
Is it possible to be able to always tell when your kids are telling the truth or lying to you? Nope, haven't found that technology yet. But here are a few guidelines you can use that will give you a pretty good idea of what is really going on:
Does the story you are hearing match what you already know?
Does it match what the parents of your kids' friends and/or your neighbors tell you? (Are you talking to them?)
Does it match what your kids' teachers are telling you? (Are you talking to them?)
In how many ways can you check out anything that you are in doubt about?
Do your kids fidget or have difficulty looking you in the eye when they are talking to you?
Here's the one that has been my guide for 25 years of family counseling:
Does the behavior match the words?
Again, in the best of all possible worlds, kids won't lie simply because it is wrong and damages trust. Until we discover the best of all possible worlds, we'll just have to deal with what is.
In the meantime, let's be on the lookout for new surveys that will tell us that a high percentage of teen-agers like loud music and talking on the phone.
Visit secretsofgreatrelationships.com for tips and tools for creating and growing a great relationship. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 10 day e-program on how to enrich your relationship today, from relationship coach and expert Jeff Herring.
cleaning help near Mundelein ..Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with... Read More
LOS ANGELES (May 19, 2005) - With Memorial Day weekend,... Read More
So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More
Until about the age of six, children do not generally... Read More
Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
There may really be a real monster under your kid???s... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More
Teens don't learn responsibility overnight. If you haven't been working... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions... Read More
If your child has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder then at... Read More
If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More
An estimated five million scooters will be sold this year... Read More
What are we teaching our children about money? Hopefully something!I... Read More
1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
Every summer our daughter goes to summer camp. She looks... Read More
There are some grounds to assume that a cognitive dissonance... Read More
Something eerily familiar happened in KwaZulu-Natal's Hluhluwe-Umfolozi Park in Africa... Read More
Public-school teaching is structured in such a way that it... Read More
reliable maid service Wilmette ..I have three children, ages 19 and 16 (yes, the... Read More
As the kids go back to school, you can go... Read More
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
Did you know that you are the most important person... Read More
On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More
In the beginning, having children was just a byproduct of... Read More
It can be hard being a parent with a teen... Read More
Saturday mornings. Cold cereal and Scooby Doo. How many parents... Read More
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at... Read More
Is Homework Really That Important?Dear Friends,I no longer teach in... Read More
Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
What Children Look for in a Friend?Is this child fun... Read More
Like anything else in life, there's a method to the... Read More
On one of her quarterly visits to see her grandson,... Read More
Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Here are some tips that I have picked up from... Read More
Here are some things that you can do to help... Read More
Have you ever had this struggle with your teens? Did... Read More
Until about the age of six, children do not generally... Read More
Parenting |