Late vs. Too Late
Every now and then, I'll hear a parent tell me something like this,
"I know we should do something about how we handle our son/daughter, but it's really too late since they are almost 18."
Sorry, but you are wrong.
While it certainly may be late in the game, it is never too late. I often find myself thinking I wish I could have worked with this teen/family/marriage sooner. It's always easier to work with a problem when it has first begun, because there is a time in the life of every problem when it is big enough to notice yet still small enough to solve easily.
One of the many reasons that it is never too late is that in many ways, adolescence now lasts until about 25 anyway.
Modeling Bad Choices
You really can't, with any fairness, get very mad at your teen for doing something you have modeled for them.
Now I am not talking about letting your kid off the hook for bad behavior just because you did it too when you were young.
Many parents tell me they are reluctant to talk with their kids about drugs because of fear that the kid will ask the parent if they did drugs as a teenager.
Parents must get over that fear.
Just because you did it does not mean it's a good choice, and you still have the responsibility to deal with the issue with your teens.
At the same time, if you are currently modeling bad choices for them, then that is a very different story.
You really can't expect your kid to not do things they see you doing. This is because if you are currently doing it, you lack the moral authority to encourage them not to do it.
Going back to the late vs. too late notion above, one of the very best examples for kids is to see their parent change something that, while difficult to change, still desperately needs changing.
Two Important Questions
Counselor, speaker and author Dan Allendar, in his new book, "How Children Raise Parents," says that all children, even teenagers, are constantly asking two important questions:
1) Am I loved?
2) Can I get my own way?
How we answer these over time as parents has a huge impact on how our kids turn out.
By the way, the right answers are:
"Yes, you are loved move than you could possibly know"
and
"No, you cannot get your own way, because of the answer to question No. 1."
Information is Available
Did you know that contrary to what our parents had available to them, there is a ton of useful information out there for parents of teens. Read Allendar's book mentioned above, go to a seminar, do a Google search under parents of teens.
You do not have to do this parenting teens thing on your own, nor do you have to make it up as you go along. Use the resources available to you.
Labor Intensive
There are a few so-called parenting experts out there who will tell you with a straight face that if you do it right, parenting teens is easy.
I think that is such a misleading and damaging big fat lie.
If you are going to do any parenting well, especially parenting teens, it has to be labor intensive.
Listen to the Music
Listen to the music your teen listens to.
Don't talk like them, act like them or dress like them. It's a guaranteed way to be laughed at and ignored. But do listen to the music.
Get familiar with the artists and the lyrics. You need to know what is being loudly pumped into your kid's brain, because it absolutely does influence them.
Remember how much it influenced you?
Visit parentingyourteenager to subscribe to leading Parent Coach Jeff Herring's free internet newsletter "Parenting Your Teenager" and the free 5 day e-program on the "5 Things to Avoid Saying to Your Teenager."
efficient cleaning crew Highland Park ..How can two or three children in the same family... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More
Working with adults (as well as children and teens) for... Read More
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
What is hard for parentsLetting them learn from their mistakes.Trying... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
For any of you Moms out there that are doing... Read More
Spare the rod, spoil the child!This philosophy's been around a... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
Have you ever sat and watch a child struggle with... Read More
It was the homework that did it. Each night became... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
Researchers have estimated that 25-35% of children in the United... Read More
Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind... Read More
What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More
Although many parents become frustrated as they try to maintain... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
scheduled maid service Park Ridge ..Here's some of the bad news about sedentary lifestyles:? Forty... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
Many times, we are so conditioned in how we speak... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More
For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
A friend phoned her neighbor, complaining about the wafts of... Read More
Does your child pout, blame and brood? Does he gripe,... Read More
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
"Do not think that love, in order to be genuine,... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
As a mom of 4 who's youngest child is about... Read More
Paula's last child had just gone off to college and... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
Early childhood educators have called play "children's work". Many parents... Read More
I remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More
This past holiday season Canadians spent over $45 billion-with parents... Read More
Parenting |