Parenting Your Teenager: Driving and Having a Car is a Privilege, Not a Right

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car. Do you think he is trying to manipulate us, and what do you think we should do? And since he won't tell us what a POS car is, do you know?

A. What to do depends on what you want to accomplish.

If you want to teach your son that he can pester and manipulate you into giving him his way, then by all means get him a new car.

I know that's not what you want to teach him though.

What you have is an excellent opportunity to teach some important life lessons.

But first, let's get that POS question out of the way. POS stands for "piece of s---" and is just another one of your son's tools in his manipulation bag.

Rwo Important Life Privileges

There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.

The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.

Your son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle you to a driver's license. It does make you eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.

Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement.

Fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.

The second principle is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.

A need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something you would like to have but can live without.

Your son might need a car to get safely from place A to place B and you may also want to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if you can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.

Sit down with your son and tell him that you have discovered what a POS car is and assure him you have no intention of getting him one.

Similarly, you have no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - explain the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.

Then tell him that you will be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car.

If he wants anything better, tell him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, you will match it.

He will not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.

He will walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present you could get him.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit parentingyourteenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his free weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

expert residential cleaners Park Ridge ..
In The News:

The Omoway Omo X features a modular design, obstacle detection and emergency braking, and can drive itself to charging stations, signaling the future of smart urban mobility.
PillTrek, a tiny wireless smart capsule created by Caltech, provides real-time gut health data by detecting electrolytes, metabolites, glucose, hormones, pH levels and temperature.
Learn to spot fake bank text messages with five warning signs of Chase phishing scams, including suspicious links and urgent deadlines designed to steal your account information.
Robot coyotes built on motorized cars reaching 20 mph are being deployed at military airfields as an innovative solution to wildlife threats to aircraft safety.
Explore Google Drive's strengths and weaknesses as a backup solution, including its encryption security, privacy concerns and comparison to dedicated backup tools.
As environmental challenges grow, underwater habitats gain momentum with DEEP's Vanguard, supporting short missions and Sentinel designed for 28-day stays at depth.
The new Urban Eyes safety vest features dual cameras, reflective panels and a wireless remote to deter harassers and provide peace of mind for outdoor workouts.
The $200 billion data broker industry tracks your personal details across websites, posing privacy risks that can be mitigated through data removal services.
UCC Holding has teamed up with COBOD to create desert-inspired, 3D-printed schools in Qatar, featuring dune-like wavy walls impossible with conventional construction.
Darkling beetles equipped with microchip backpacks can be guided through disaster areas using electrical signals, offering a biological solution for search and rescue.
Scammers use number porting to take control of outdated landlines still connected to financial accounts, bypassing two-factor authentication to steal funds while avoiding detection.
Twitter co-founder Jack Dorsey developed Bitchat, a privacy-focused messaging app that works offline via Bluetooth without requiring email, phone numbers or personal data.
Google is making a push to ensure its AI, Gemini, is tightly integrated with Android systems by granting it access to core apps like WhatsApp, Messages, and Phone.
A new green energy system is set to change how we capture clean power, and it all starts with the ocean. French startup Seaturns has designed technology that taps into the natural motion of the sea.
Cybersecurity researchers are warning that hackers have started exploiting flaws in chatbots to carry out AI phishing attacks.
Google has just made it easier than ever to regain control of your inbox with Gmail's new Manage Subscriptions tool.
Despite the benefits, residential power saver programs come with several potential drawbacks and concerns that have been raised by both customers and experts.
The Blackdot AI tattoo machine is quiet. It's steady. And according to early users, it hurts a lot less.
Attackers have started to exploit the very signals that users assume will keep them safe when it comes to add-ons to improve productivity or entertainment.
Located on Cerro Pachón in Chile, the world's most powerful digital camera is set to transform how we see the universe.
The innovative DQ Tower stands 28 feet tall with 420 square feet of living space, featuring floor-to-ceiling windows and premium amenities in a prefabricated design.
A new mmWave imaging system allows warehouse robots to scan and create 3D models of objects inside sealed containers, potentially revolutionizing shipping processes.
Family fraud endangers seniors when relatives exploit their trust, but removing personal data online and monitoring identity can prevent financial harm to aging parents.
A study analyzing 500,000 customer service interactions shows chatbots struggle with complex issues while human agents excel at matching customer communication styles.
Aigen's Element robot uses solar power and AI to provide farmers with a sustainable alternative to herbicides, working efficiently in cotton and soy fields.

What the Matter Is

When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my... Read More

Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children

Parents of hyperactive children know the "Would you please just... Read More

What Julia Roberts has to Say about Motherhood

Julia Roberts recently gave birth to twins: Hazel and Phinnaeus.... Read More

Parenting Predicaments

Predicament:My son is 4 1/2 years old. His younger brother... Read More

Nights by a Pinocchio Lamp

Sitting by her Pinocchio lamp, she smiled at me as... Read More

Why A Father Is Not A Dad

It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More

The Classic ADHD Child Reminds Me of Tigger

ADHD comes in differenty forms, or types. What... Read More

Is it ADHD or Bi-Polar Disorder?

Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More

Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It

There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at... Read More

Teach Your Children - Without Them Knowing They Are Learning!

The great thing about children is they absorb knowledge like... Read More

Reading Activities Parents Can Use For Their Children

Using 14 "at" Flashcards To Teach Reading:This exercise helps your... Read More

Back to School Feng Shui

Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More

Preventing Obesity in Young Children

Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More

Parenting Secrets Revealed

So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic... Read More

Water Hazards For Young Children

Unfortunately each year many young children drown in swimming pools,... Read More

Child Separation Anxiety: Does Your Child Have It?

If you are a parent, then more than likely you... Read More

Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) for Teen Drivers

Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More

The Theme from MASH - Suicide is Not Painless

The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More

Gifts From The Heart: Moms Remember...

To the untrained eye, it might look like a piece... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

No Invitation Needed: Sacred Children Series - 3 of 3

I had my first two children on either side of... Read More

Tools to Find Family-Friendly Content

The Internet, is magnificent in its resources for families. Educational... Read More

Picky Eater Syndrome

'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More

How To Entertain A Child While Working From A Home Office

There is no doubt that the benefits of being a... Read More

How Well Do You Know Your Child?

Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More

green cleaning service Park Ridge ..