Parenting Your Teenager: Driving and Having a Car is a Privilege, Not a Right

Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year and he's already lobbying us for a new car. He says all his friends are getting new cars, that he deserves one because it's his right when he turns 16, and he won't drive what he calls a POS car. Do you think he is trying to manipulate us, and what do you think we should do? And since he won't tell us what a POS car is, do you know?

A. What to do depends on what you want to accomplish.

If you want to teach your son that he can pester and manipulate you into giving him his way, then by all means get him a new car.

I know that's not what you want to teach him though.

What you have is an excellent opportunity to teach some important life lessons.

But first, let's get that POS question out of the way. POS stands for "piece of s---" and is just another one of your son's tools in his manipulation bag.

Rwo Important Life Privileges

There are at least two important principles to teach in this situation.

The first is the vast difference between rights and privileges.

Your son believes that getting a new car is his right as a 16-year-old. It's not. In fact, turning 16 does not even entitle you to a driver's license. It does make you eligible for the privilege of getting a driver's license.

Fostering the belief that privileges are in fact rights leads to a raging sense of entitlement.

Fostering a belief in privileges leads to a rare sense of ownership, appreciation and perhaps even stewardship, which is taking good care of what you have.

The second principle is the sometimes hazy difference between wants and needs.

A need is a "must have" for survival, or to accomplish something important. A want is something you would like to have but can live without.

Your son might need a car to get safely from place A to place B and you may also want to stop chauffeuring him. He may want a new car, but he does not need one. Even if you can afford to give him a new car, I think that would do him more harm than good.

Sit down with your son and tell him that you have discovered what a POS car is and assure him you have no intention of getting him one.

Similarly, you have no intention of getting him a new car either. Briefly - and I mean short and sweet briefly - explain the difference between rights and privileges and wants and needs.

Then tell him that you will be glad to help him find a Point A-to-Point B car.

If he wants anything better, tell him that for each dollar that he saves over the price of a basic Point A-to-Point B car, you will match it.

He will not walk away from this conversation jumping for joy.

He will walk away with the beginning of some very important life lessons, which is really the best 16th birthday present you could get him.

Leading parenting expert Jeff Herring is a teen and family therapist, parenting coach, speaker and syndicated parenting and relationship columnist. Jeff invites you to visit parentingyourteenager.com for 100's of tips and tools for parenting through the teenage years. You can also subscribe to his free weekly internet newsletter "ParentingYourTeenager."

family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..
In The News:

The Christmas season brings a surge in Netflix phishing scams targeting shoppers with fake emails. Stacey P received convincing scam but verified account first.
San Francisco Giants invite Jamie Grohsong to throw ceremonial first pitch at Oracle Park after he learned to play baseball with a bionic hand following an injury.
FBI warns cybercriminals are stealing family photos from social media to create fake proof of life images in virtual kidnapping scams targeting victims.
Instagram's new 'Your Algorithm' tool lets you control your Reels feed in real time. The app now gives you power to customize what videos you see.
Major Marquis fintech breach exposes 400,000-plus Americans' data through unpatched SonicWall vulnerability, with Texas hardest hit at 354,000 affected.
Free up iPhone storage fast by clearing large photos and videos from Messages app. Simple steps for iOS users to delete attachments without losing chats.
Scammers are flooding inboxes with fake tracking alerts that mimic real carriers, exploiting the holiday rush to steal logins and personal data.
The Fox News AI Newsletter brings you the latest news on AI technology advancements and the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Texas family reunites with missing 11-year-old cat Grayson after 103 days using Petco Love Lost's AI photo matching technology and community help.
Tired of AI customer service loops? These insider tricks help you escape "frustration AI" and get real human help when you need it most for urgent issues.
Unlock richer audio from your streaming apps with simple tweaks to volume normalization, equalizer settings, and quality preferences for cleaner sound.
Scammers are sending fake Facebook settlement payout emails that mimic legitimate notices from the privacy settlement administrator to deceive users.
Holiday shopping scams surge as fake refund emails target distracted consumers during Black Friday and holiday seasons, costing Americans billions annually.
The AI-powered IRMO M1 exoskeleton features four modes, including turbo, eco, training and rest for hiking, running, cycling and sports with eight-hour battery life.
OpenAI announced upgrades for its ChatGPT Images platform on Tuesday, saying the program can now make more precise edits and produce images more quickly.
Chrome for Android now turns web articles into AI-powered podcast conversations. Get hands-free browsing with Google Gemini's natural audio summaries.
LastPass faces $1.6 million fine from U.K. regulators after 2022 data breach exposed 1.6 million users. Password manager failed proper security controls.
Petco disclosed a data breach exposing customer Social Security numbers, financial account details, and driver's license information due to a software error.
Baseball teams can now analyze complete swing mechanics in normal training environments using Theia's markerless AI system that processes standard high-speed footage.
Smart home hacking fears overblown? Expert reveals real cybersecurity risks and simple protection tips to keep your connected devices safe from hackers.
MIT develops needle-free glucose monitor using light technology. Revolutionary device could replace painful finger pricks for diabetes management.
The ClickFix campaign disguises malware as legitimate Windows updates, using steganography to hide shellcode in PNG files and bypass security detection systems.
Researchers from Osaka Metropolitan University designed a 21-foot dome that combines aquaculture and hydroponics to create a self-sustaining urban food system.
The Fox News AI Newsletter gives readers the latest AI technology advancements, covering the challenges and opportunities AI presents.
ChatGPT data breach exposes personal info of users through partner Mixpanel. OpenAI confirms names, emails compromised in security incident.

Stress is No Kiddy Matter

Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: Of Course You Can Search Your Teens Room

Q. We recently caught our son smoking pot, and we... Read More

Child Communication Skill: Do You Really Know What Your Child Is Saying To You?

Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More

What Parents Should Do For Children To Do Their Best After Divorce?

Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More

You Goofed? Hip, Hip, Hooray!

Certainly we all want our children to excel. But it... Read More

Can Mineral Deficiencies Lead to Behavioral Problems in Children?

A while ago I received this story from David in... Read More

Keeping the Stress out of Single Parenting

Researched through personal experience!Budget Your Money. Even if you are... Read More

Managing Your Stepfamily

If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know... Read More

The Giving Jar

Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More

What Should I Know About Strattera for ADHD?

Strattera came out around January of 2003, and is becoming... Read More

A Mothers Way

Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More

THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For

Today the little red school house is not what it... Read More

The Most Innovative New Approach for ADHD, a Natural Remedy

What's new and effective in the treatment of Attention problems?... Read More

Free Stuff for Twins: Incentives for Parents of Multiple Births

A sure way to double the joys of parenthood is... Read More

Youth In A Changing World

IntroductionChildren are the gifts of God to parents. That young... Read More

Parents --- Your Childrens Report Card May Be Rigged

Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More

25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children (Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)

In my opinion, these things matter...1. Enjoying childlike delights before... Read More

Child Discipline - Be Consistent With Your Child

The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More

Now, Theyre Bullying My Daughter In Our Home: Welcome To Cyber-Bullying

Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More

Saying No To Our Children

Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More

The ADD Child: Challenging Parents, Teachers and Friends

The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More

Inattentive ADHD: Just Like Winnie the Pooh

Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More

Nothing Like a Mothers Love

Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably... Read More

The Twenty-First Century Parent

John was a 43 year-old sales manager at a large... Read More

A Mothers Love

Once upon a time there was a beautiful bird whose... Read More

residential cleaning services Deerfield ..