If you spend any time in the parenting section of the library or your local bookstore, you will find hundreds of books on disciplining and raising your children. All the leading experts have their own ideas about what works and what doesn't. As a parent, you have your philosophy that you bring to the table. Most of your thoughts come from what you learned as a child. You either liked the way your parents raised you, agreed with some of it and disagreed with the rest, or didn't like any part of your parents' ideas. Then you talk to or watch other mothers you know and these ideas get added to the mix. You take the best from all these sources and you set off to be the best mom you can be.
And then something happens that interrupts your plan for raising your children. Dad has a whole other set of ideas and plans for raising his children. Most of the time, dad's ideas have not come from the many books on parenting he reads or the oodles of fathers he brainstorms with. His ideas, too, come from the way in which he was raised as a boy, but sometimes Dad operates on auto pilot when raising and disciplining his kids. Even the best and most agreeable parents sometimes disagree. So what do you do when your two philosophies clash?
1. Talk it out when the children are not around. You're in the middle of dinner, and the children are refusing to eat. They are crabby and testing your every nerve. Dad can see that you are stressed so he decides to take matters into his own hands. He yells with his loud, booming voice, "Eat your food right now or you will go straight to bed." The kids start crying. You are even angrier now because you can't stand yelling. You feel it is an ineffective way to discipline the children, and you believe it scares them. Wait until the children go to bed and have a talk with your husband. Explain to him exactly how you feel about yelling. Listen to his side of the story and why he chose to do what he did. Do your very best to understand him and acknowledge his feelings. Then decide together what would work better for everyone in the future.
2. Decide how important an issue is to you. My friend's husband takes his little girl to swimming lessons every Saturday morning. After swimming, the little girl is starving. Dad's way of ending their fun time together in the pool is to let his daughter pick something to eat from the vending machine. My friend does not want her daughter associating fun time with Dad and junk food. She believes they should come home so her daughter can eat something healthy. Sometimes each parent needs to decide how important an issue really is to them. If Dad rates his need to buy his daughter a junk food treat after swimming at an 8, and Mom rates her need for her daughter to eat healthy at a 6, then Dad wins. You learn to give in on issues that aren't extremely important to you.
3. Understand that differences can be good. Believe it or not, children can benefit from differences in our parenting styles. As long as children are being loved and treated with respect and fairness, it can be good for children to learn to adapt to different childrearing approaches. No two people in this world are exactly alike. Some parents are very flexible and some are quite structured. Some parents are playful and others are more serious. There are quiet and mild-mannered parents and loud and boisterous parents as well. Step back and appreciate your differences. Children who are exposed to diversity have a tendency to be better rounded and adaptable.
4. Combine your viewpoints and get on the same page. The single most important thing you can do for your children and for your marriage is to get on the same page when raising and disciplining your children. Being on the same page does not mean you necessarily agree on everything. It means you support one another as parents. If Mom says there are no privileges until homework is done, the rules are the same with Dad. If Dad says curfew is at 11:30 PM, then Mom enforces this curfew. Take the time to work through your differences and put together a plan that both of you can be happy with. Decide what the house rules are going to be and how the children will be disciplined when the rules are broken. Then stick together and provide a united front for the benefit of your children.
Lori Radun, certified life coach for moms. Get her FREE monthly ezine for moms who want healthier and happier lives at http://www.true2youlifecoaching.com.
? 2005 True to You Life Coaching, LLC
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carAs parents, we want our children and teens to grow... Read More
The least flexible character in all of the stories of... Read More
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More
If you were to ask 100 parents why they think... Read More
Homework. It doesn't have to be a daily battle of... Read More
What one word best sums up summer fun? Water. I... Read More
Moms and dads, are there times you think that parenting... Read More
This past holiday season Canadians spent over $45 billion-with parents... Read More
Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More
Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More
Do you struggle to get your child to bed at... Read More
The word no is probably the most overused word in... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
When was the last time you and your kids rolled... Read More
1. New Word of the DayIntroduce your preschooler to a... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added... Read More
Q. Our 17-year-old son wants us to let his girlfriend... Read More
What parents of a teen haven't wondered where their sweet... Read More
One fantastic way to get your children involved in what... Read More
Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
Many research studies have shown the overall effectiveness of stimulant... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..We were sitting in the family room. My kids had... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
"How many times do I have to tell you to... Read More
The most common medications used in the treatment of Attention... Read More
If You're Having Twins..is it double the headache, or double... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
Just as every snowflake is unique, so is every child.... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
The popularity of EEG Biofeedback Training continues to grow both... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
So you want to be a mum? Every time you... Read More
I had my first two children on either side of... Read More
When my daughter was born, I must admit there was... Read More
Why do some children still do best after divorce and... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
Traditionally, babies have been named at a christening/baptism.... Read More
So your little Susie wants to join a competitive gymnastic... Read More
Whether children attend public or private schools, they benefit when... Read More
Is there anything wrong with lying, cheating, stealing, shop-lifting, taking... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
Parenting |