Home
>
Parenting
>
Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another parenting practice that can be equally harmful: over-attentiveness.

It's possible to be one or the other - or in some cases, both!

Let's look first of all at the differences.

Over-Indulgence

I'm sure you've come across the stereotype: Parents who constantly ply their kids with material goods and treats of every kind, and who will go to any length to ensure their little darlings want for nothing, but have the biggest and best of everything.

This behaviour is always prompted by a certain lack or need within the parents. They often dote on their kids, but what such parents are really doing is attempting to work out their own inadequacies.

Perhaps they lacked attention when they were kids - and it hurt. Maybe they had to go without things - and it was humiliating. Now they make up for it by ensuring that THEIR kids have everything!

Or it could be that they lack confidence in their parenting abilities, and have no real interest in kids.

They are unsure how to relate to children, yet have a need (or at least a desire) to be liked, appreciated, or accepted - and they think over-indulging their kid's every whim is the way to do it.

This can have disastrous consequences for the child's development.

For a start, such children become self-centred, spoiled, and unhealthy. Often they become disrespectful, since children are adept at spotting parental weaknesses, which they soon come to despise.

Later in life these over-indulged kids tend to develop further problems, such as eating disorders, weight-related health issues, addictions, and they often lack patience and tolerance when they can't instantly get their own way.

Over-Attentiveness

On the other hand there can be parents who, while not over- indulging their kids, try to supervise every aspect of their lives.

They watch them at play, they stand over them doing homework, and if there's the slightest hint of a problem at school - either with a friend or a teacher - they're down there creating a scene!

This behaviour, too, is prompted by a need within the parent, usually a deep-seated fear or anxiety about the normal risks in everyday life, which they feel they must protect their children from.

The effects of over-attentiveness can be more subtle - but equally harmful.

Because such children have not been allowed to experiment with life - to climb trees and cut their knees, to have altercations with others and realise their own way is not the only, or even the best, way - they tend to develop fear and timidity whenever their mentor is not there sticking up for them.

They have been deprived of a testing-ground in which to develop their strengths and become aware of their shortcomings. This often breeds embarrassment as well as resentment, and the poor parents are baffled! They've only been doing their duty, after all!

There can be an even more serious consequence when the child becomes an adult: Decision-making becomes a problem.

Taking decisions involves the weighing up of risks, a consideration of the pros and cons in a situation. If this skill has not been developed in childhood - if the child has been deprived of the opportunity - then he will be an indecisive adult who lacks the confidence to be effective.

The Solution?

The solution for overindulgent and over-attentive parents is one I keep stressing in my writing: They need to develop confidence in themselves.

But they needn't despair, as opportunities for development abound.

If you feel any of this applies to you, check out these opportunities. Visit your local college, bookshop or library, go online - see what's on offer. You'll be spoiled for choice.

But take action. Just do it!

You can begin to understand your own needs in a relatively short time, and with insight into your own psychological and emotional make-up, you will begin to look at your kids in a different light.

You will begin to moderate the amount of indulgence, because the need to over-compensate will no longer be there.

If you recognise your own fears and anxieties, you'll be less likely to pass them on to your kids by being over- attentive.

Supervise your children and help them steer clear of danger, yes - but let them manage their own conflicts. You can be there on the sidelines with words of support, advice and encouragement - but them experience the rough and tumble of life for themselves.

Knowing you're giving your child a solid preparation for the future, you'll feel satisfaction in a job well done.

Happy parenting!

Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html

Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare

In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents

Internet browsers are useful, but they can be dangerous. Clicking on malicious links can direct you to dangerous websites that steal information or infect your device.

Apple's latest iOS update introduces advanced artificial intelligence capabilities, which may be capturing and analyzing sensitive information.

Breach site confirmed 56,904,909 Hot Topic users' data leaked online. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the company's silence makes matters even worse.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how an innovative Easy-Way kit turns standard strollers electric, simplifying navigation for parents.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson talks about T-Mobile being hacked in broad cyberattack on global phone and internet companies.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson shows you how to add, customize and manage widgets for quick access to apps and info from your iPhone home screen.

Wrong Google searches can not only compromise your device and personal data. They can also bring law enforcement to your doorstep. Hackers are targeting Google searches.

China's Shanghai Kepler Robotics has developed a new humanoid robot that can carry up to 35 pounds per hand for commercial applications across various industries

Checking your hearing has gotten easier with the new hearing test feature in AirPods Pro 2. You can take reliable hearing tests using your iPhone or iPad.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how a VPN — virtual private network — works and how running it can slow down the operation of your device.

The WalkON Suit F1, an exoskeleton developed to help people with disabilities, can actually walk over to a person in a wheelchair, solving a major problem.

ClickFix, a new scam targeting computer users, is on the rise in the U.S. The scam prompts its targets to click on a link to fix a problem.

Skydweller is the world's largest unmanned solar-powered aircraft that can stay airborne for weeks, and even months, without refueling.

The U.S. government said it is investigating after People's Republic of China hackers targeted commercial telecommunications service providers in the U.S.

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Scammers are using increasingly sophisticated ways to lure unsuspecting victims, and some are impersonating an email help desk or support team.

You can unsend or edit your iMessages with the latest iOS updates. Kurt the CyberGuy explains how you can save yourself some potential embarrassment.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says there’s been a rise in cybercriminal services using hacked police and government emails to send subpoenas and data requests to U.S. companies.

Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Axiom Space and luxury designer Prada are collaborating on NASA's Artemis III spacesuit design.

Voice assistants may cause confusion across devices. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers some solutions to fix it.

Shameless scammers trick veterans into giving personal info or cash. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explores five common scams.

Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you honor our heroes with these powerful podcasts, audiobooks and documentaries this Veterans Day.

Over-Indulgence And Over-Attentiveness - Two Dangers Parents Must Avoid!

Parenting