Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
disinfecting cleaning services Arlington Heights ..Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room... Read More
Did you know that the school system is only able... Read More
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"Whether parent or... Read More
What's in a name? Er?well, everything, really! Of course your... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied... Read More
1. You reheated the same cup of coffee three times... Read More
Here are ten simple pleasures you can enjoy with your... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
The Flow of WaterWater is essential for life on the... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
In the wonderment of childhood, it is easier for a... Read More
When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More
From the time the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock in... Read More
The first year of a child's life is the most... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
bathroom cleaning service Mundelein ..When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question... Read More
It's that time of year when mom and dad look... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
What makes parenting so challenging at times? One widespread research... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
Do your children have a McChildhood? Do they experience the... Read More
Hope, excitement and anxiety all wrapped up in fresh haircuts... Read More
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Criticism is punitiveOur children judge themselves on the opinions we... Read More
Your child's first year of school should be a fun... Read More
Children are notoriously bad at drinking enough liquids. They are... Read More
I don't know how people raise daughters because I have... Read More
A fun way to build your child's imaginationWriting is still... Read More
If you are currently homeschooling or considering homeschooling your child,... Read More
Maintaining a safe home environment for your childrenAs adults and... Read More
Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
Compulsory attendance laws are school authorities' first assault on parental... Read More
Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More
When we consider that the word allowance means, "allowing for,"... Read More
Parenting |