Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
professional maid services Deerfield ..Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to... Read More
All children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
Best friends! It may seem impossible to believe, but today's... Read More
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain... Read More
The Greatest Gifts in Life, which are always created for... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
"My son won't go to bed at night without a... Read More
Everyone knows that exercise is good for your health. Exercising... Read More
During the assessment process it is of great importance for... Read More
All babies cry, but if yours cries a lot, isn't... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
There are a few points about shyness in children which... Read More
Cardiovascular endurance is one of the five health-related components of... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
This can be a very complicated issue, so I don't... Read More
Younger generations unfortunately will not understand how larger than life... Read More
Every year over one million parents have to talk to... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity... Read More
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and... Read More
quick home cleaning Lake Forest ..Giving with a happy heart. If you teach a child... Read More
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Results of the Spanking Poll on Rexanne.com: Voters - 233Percentage... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
A learning disability is defined as a permanent problem that... Read More
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More
Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person... Read More
Do you want to create a deeper, more loving relationship... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Most of us can agree that there is a lack... Read More
"I don't know and I don't care."I've heard those words... Read More
While on a recent trip to the grocery store, I... Read More
For troubled teens who are struggling with drug abuse, depression... Read More
"Family Matters" was the headline that caught my attention in... Read More
Dear MomOn this day set aside to honour "Mother's" let... Read More
"Good parents give their children Roots and Wings." --Jonas SalkThe... Read More
If your parenting methods include abuse of any kind; physical,... Read More
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
Once upon a time, I thought I had it all.... Read More
In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More
Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
We all know that using cloth nappies is best for... Read More
Annie easily slipped into becoming the sole caregiver of her... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
Parenting |