Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
after renovation cleaning Glenview ..Winifred or Willow? Thomas or Troy? The name you choose... Read More
Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More
More and more parents are expressing their concerns about how... Read More
Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike,... Read More
We are all aware of the child obesity epidemic that... Read More
Drivers 16 years of age have little driving experience, putting... Read More
To have reasonable expectations of our children is an important... Read More
Are you a frustrated parent who sometimes finds it is... Read More
There are millions of young children in this country who... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more... Read More
Dear Vijay,I worry about not being a good parent. My... Read More
Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More
Life is comprised of pieces of time sprinkled with pivotal... Read More
Dear Sir, It was with some interest that I read... Read More
Having worked with parents for the last 35 years and... Read More
What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
I will cherish this moment. I will not let it... Read More
Creating and making special memories with your child is very... Read More
Many of us have grown up drinking caffeinated diet sodas... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
Moms, did you ever question your value as a role... Read More
I have always been aware of my number one weakness:... Read More
Is there a way to build a robot to help... Read More
no-contract cleaning service Lincolnshire ..Thank you for all that you do in the classroom!... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
One reason public schools get away with educational failure, year... Read More
When planning a child birthday party, just a little bit... Read More
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
"Not another meeting!"That tends to be the reaction from many... Read More
Goal setting is essential for building a successful life. However,... Read More
This article on parenting is by a practicing relationship counsellor/therapist,... Read More
When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More
It's been raining for a week and the kids and... Read More
To every thing there is a season, and a time... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
In 1996-97 we were contracted by VAXA International of Tampa,... Read More
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
The snow was getting heavier with each lift of the... Read More
Do you want your child to cooperate with you more?Children... Read More
Q: A parent writes in to ask, "You write a... Read More
'Picky Eater' is a label coined to describe the phenomenon... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.I was busy... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
When your child shows signs of potty training readiness, it's... Read More
Parenting |