Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled. But, as the single parent of teenagers, I stunk! Faced with the reality of children who could (and did) do whatever they really, really wanted to do, I was often baffled.
Functioning as the caregiver of two adult parents, I again find myself baffled. But I am sure of one thing -- It's no wonder many caregivers die before the elders they care for! They simply wear out!
Consider this recent exchange:
ME: "How is that new medication working?"
PARENT: "It doesn't work. I still feel sick."
ME: "OK, call the doctor and tell him."
PARENT: "I can't. He doesn't answer calls on the weekend."
ME: "Well, someone does."
PARENT: "No, they just tell me to go to the emergency room."
ME: "OK, call the doctor's office on Monday."
PARENT: "Well, he doesn't have anything better to offer."
ME: "How do you know?"
PARENT: "He never does."
ME: "Well, call anyway, OK?"
PARENT: "He doesn't pay any attention to me."
ME: "He can't help if he doesn't know you're still sick. So, call, OK?"
PARENT: mumbles something unintelligible.
ME on MONDAY: "Did you call the doctor?"
PARENT: "No, I'm feeling better today."
ME: "Well, how about I go to the doctor with you?"
PARENT: "No, I'm not a child. And I don't want you treating me like one!"
I've run headlong into these issues more and more often of late. It's enough to drive you to drink - or whatever it is you do to deal with unending frustration. After all, these are my parents - and they are adults. . .or at least they used to be.
Could I get help? You can guess the answer! Something about hell freezing over.
I'm not about to win this battle, but I could use a friend during some of the more serious skirmishes. Here are a few things that could really lift my spirits:
Come over. Don't send flowers. They're just something else to take care of. But a home-cooked meal would be great.
Stay and serve it. Even greater!
Call often. Not me, my parents. Give them someone else to vent to.
Be a chauffer. Take them to the doctor, to shop, whatever. Just take them off my hands for a little while.
Start a "Caregiver's Day Out" at your church, synagogue or temple. Give me a break - just a few hours would be wonderful.
Suggest a companion from the Senior Corps. These retired adults spend 10-20 hours each week being a companion to shut-ins. If you're retired, consider becoming one yourself.
Lobby your Representatives and Senators for more funding for Adult Day Care Centers. The nearest one to me is 45 miles away and does not provide transportation.
Some people believe that life is a school with lessons for each of us. If so, my lesson is patience. I know I have to grow it for myself. . .but, please, rally round in the meanwhile. My patience cells are still infants!
About The Author
Phyllis Staff, Ph.D. - Phyllis Staff is an experimental psychologist and the CEO of The Best Is Yet.Net, an internet company that helps seniors and caregivers find trustworthy residential care. She is the author of How to Find Great Senior Housing: A Roadmap for Elders and Those Who Love Them. She is also the daughter of a victim of Alzheimer's disease. Visit the author's web site at http://www.thebestisyet.net
best cleaning company Highland Park ..No matter what you say or do, your kids will... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
1. They can make mistakes under your guidance2. They will... Read More
Have you made your usual New Year resolutions? You know... Read More
Here are some things that you can do to help... Read More
1. Diapers (5 -7 is a fairly safe supply)2. Wipes3.... Read More
As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed... Read More
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh... Read More
Q. What's the right age to start giving a Bible... Read More
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried... Read More
This year alone, 1,600 teenagers aged 15 to 19 will... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comLegacy to Your ChildrenIt's 6:30... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through... Read More
Most day cares are non-profit organizations that must operate within... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More
Ask parents what their biggest school year challenge is, and... Read More
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?I call it... Read More
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
The choices are mind numbing. Walk into any toy store... Read More
In our last article about the neurology of ADHD we... Read More
high-end home cleaning Winnetka ..I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
Every year over one million parents have to talk to... Read More
Just the other day, I was talking to some other... Read More
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
Being a parent is a role that requires a large... Read More
Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do... Read More
There are only two ways to get more money:1) Increase... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
This may come as a surprise.But despite all the advances... Read More
Part of the responsibility of being a father is to... Read More
A number of scientific studies have shown the way a... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
At age seven months in the womb, humans begin language... Read More
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED... Read More
For parents, keeping our kids safe is a constant top... Read More
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with... Read More
If you're a single parent or a married couple on... Read More
There are a lot of sophisticated parenting theories and techniques... Read More
If there are any parents reading this who are thinking... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
O.K. I've heard it a hundred times from my prison... Read More
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are... Read More
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
Parenting |