Home
>
Parenting
>
My Sons Deployment

My Sons Deployment

One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner.

A discussion of Inside Out cannot occur without me sharing some of my own personal struggles with the concept. Today is one of those days. I just learned that my nineteen-year-old son received his deployment orders. He just graduated from National Guard basic training last week and in less than two months, his Guard unit is being deployed for six months of training and then on to Iraq for a year.

Anyway, my son made a decision fairly early on that he wanted to join the military. This was a surprise to me because I believed that, generally, young men and women enter the military who have some type of role model in the military. Since there was no one in my or my husband's family who was in the military, I believed my children would not have the inclination for military service. My son began talking about being a sniper for the Marines at around the age of sixteen. Imagine my terror, thinking of him in dangerous situations when I had spent all his life attempting to keep him safe---mostly safe from himself as he has quite a risk-taking personality.

Being a good Inside Out mother, I knew better than to try to talk him out of what he truly wanted, but secretly I'd hoped that by the time he was old enough to join the military, he would "come to his senses." Now I'd like to say here that I totally support our troops. I know there are brave men and women putting their lives on the line for our safety and the ideal of freedom around the world, but as most mothers can relate, that's OK for other children, just not mine! I'm well aware of the selfishness of that position, but it is what it is.

Over time, my son and I had some discussions about his future plans. He was raised in rural Pennsylvania and had been hunting with his father from the time he was three. He has a natural ability for marksmanship. He is incredibly courageous and loves a good physical challenge. With all of these attributes, I know he sounds like a poster boy for military service. Still, as his mother, I'd hoped he would change his mind.

I believe he made a concession to me when, just prior to his eighteenth birthday, he decided to join the National Guard, as opposed to the Marines. Part of his reasoning was that he wanted money for college but another part, in my opinion, was that he was just looking to prove himself as a man. I breathed a small sigh of relief thinking that he would be safer in the Guard. He would do his weekend a month and two weeks in the summer and have to respond to any situations in the US requiring armed service intervention. Was I ever wrong---along came the war in Iraq. I am not making any statements here about the efficacy of this war. I do not know if we are there because of weapons of mass destruction, terrorism or oil fields. I only know that our county's young service men and women are being forever changed by their experiences there and I am afraid for my child.

Today, my son told me with trepidation that he received his orders and will be leaving soon for eighteen months. He seems a little apprehensive but also excited. This is what he's been trained to do. I am very proud of the young man that he has become but am terrified of the possible ramifications. How can he come back from there being the same person I know now, or worse, what if he is wounded or killed over there?

All of this is going through my mind as I am writing but I know that I have to support him. I don't want him leaving, feeling that I am not behind him 110%. What I truly want is for the war to be over, for this to be some mistake, for his unit to get stateside deployment, anything but for my child to be sent to Iraq as an infantryman on the front lines of the fighting. However, using Inside Out thinking, I have to first ask, what is within my power and control? I am not going to change the fact that my son is going to Iraq. Even if it were within my power to do so, he would not want to ignore his duty.

So, the only thing left on which to focus is how I can be the person I want to be in this situation that I can't control or change. What are my priorities? My first priority is to let my son know how very proud of him I am and that I support his decisions. After all, it is his life to do with as he sees fit. I did my part by keeping him safe these 19 years. Now, it is his turn to decide how he will live and I want to support the man he has become. Secondly, I don't want him to be worrying about how I am managing while he is away. And finally, I want him to know that I love him and will pray for his safety every day. These are all things within my control. How will I do it?

I find that whenever I am facing a particularly difficult situation, I attempt to look for the positives in it. In this situation there are many. My son is growing up and fighting for something in which he believes. He is developing principles that will guide his behaviors the rest of his life. His being in Iraq may help to save the lives of others. It will truly test his relationship with his girlfriend in determining whether or not they are truly committed to each other. And when I let myself think of the worst case scenario, which is him being killed there, I have come to remind myself that he will have died doing something he really wanted to do as opposed to living a long, unfulfilled life full of regret. If it comes down to it, will I be able to maintain that posture and position? I don't know, but I do know that staying focused on Inside Out thinking will assist me in managing both my worry and my grief, if necessary.

If you find yourself in a similar situation and are looking for ways to stay sane or just the support of others going through the same thing, visit www.therelationshipcenter.biz and check our calendar for upcoming teleclasses, chats and workshops.

Kim Olver is a licensed professional counselor and a life/relationship coach. She helps people unleash their personal power by living from the inside out, focusing their time and energy on only those things they can control. She also helps people improve the quality of their relationships with the important people in their lives. For further information about Kim visit her website at www.therelationshipcenter.biz or contact her at(708) 957-6047.

top rated cleaning service Lake Forest ..

In The News:

Android users can now manage apps across multiple devices more easily with Google Play Store's updated remote uninstall button in the latest update.

NASA's Perseverance rover discovers shiny metallic rock on Mars that could be a meteorite from an ancient asteroid, containing high levels of iron and nickel.

Holiday scams spike during Black Friday and Cyber Monday as criminals exploit your leaked personal data. Learn how to protect yourself from fake stores and phishing.

Commerce Department proposes TP-Link router ban over Chinese security risks. Learn how this potential prohibition could affect your home network and devices.

Hyundai AutoEver America suffered a data breach affecting 2,000 current and former employees, exposing names, Social Security numbers and driver's license information.

Washington court rules automated license plate reader images are public records, even when stored by vendors like Flock Safety, setting precedent for transparency.

Fake airline texts claiming flight cancellations are targeting travelers with convincing scams. Learn how cybercriminals steal personal data and credit card info.

Discover how iOS 26's new Adaptive Power feature automatically extends iPhone battery life by learning your usage patterns and adjusting performance intelligently.

New TikTok malware campaign tricks users into running PowerShell commands that download Aura Stealer, which steals credentials and authentication tokens.

Gaia Family offers fixed upfront pricing for IVF cycles with unlimited embryo transfers and financial protection, partnering with over 100 U.S. fertility clinics.

The Jetsons Act aims to position Pennsylvania as a leader in advanced air mobility by establishing regulations for hybrid ground-air vehicles.

Fake Geek Squad invoice emails are targeting users with convincing charges and urgent phone numbers to steal personal information and money.

Fox News Digital's artificial intelligence newsletter digs into a robot in Russia that faceplanted, George Clooney's alarm and OpenAI's rivalry with the New York Times.

Major data breach at Conduent exposes personal information of 10+ million people. Government contractor hit by cyberattack affecting Medicaid, child support systems.

Texas startup Janta Power raises $5.5M for innovative vertical solar towers that generate 50% more energy than traditional panels while using just one-third the land.

NASA's twin ESCAPADE spacecraft launched aboard Blue Origin's New Glenn rocket Thursday afternoon from Cape Canaveral, beginning their journey to Mars with arrival expected in 2027.

Learn how to set email reminders on iPhone and Android so you never forget to reply again. Simple built-in features help you stay organized and on top of messages.

Discover how Apple's passkeys revolutionize Mac security by replacing vulnerable passwords with biometric authentication and encryption for ultimate protection.

New survey reveals 78% of parents fear AI scams targeting their kids, yet nearly half haven't discussed these threats. Learn why this dangerous gap exists.

Chrome now autofills passport and driver's license info automatically. Google's latest browser update adds official document support with encryption and user control.

Scammers impersonate Department of Veterans Affairs employees claiming veterans owe money, but real VA communications only direct to VA.gov or official channels.

The AltoVolo Sigma hybrid-electric aircraft flies 500 miles at 220 mph while operating 80% quieter than helicopters, featuring safety systems and compact design.

Google search scam alert: fake customer service numbers can give scammers remote control of your phone. Learn how to spot these traps and protect yourself.

Electric vehicles overtake gas cars in total CO2 savings after just two years of driving, with emissions benefits growing over time as power grids get cleaner.

Louvre Museum reportedly used "Louvre" as password for surveillance system during $100M jewel heist. Learn how weak passwords put even famous institutions at risk.

My Sons Deployment

Parenting