I am in pain. I've been in pain all day. Last night, I was in "searing pain", which is pain multiplied by pain, divided by relief, then multiplied by pain to the tenth power. In case you are not a math whiz, that equals pain with 33 zeros after it. Two days ago, I was in pain (just regular pain, no zeros). In fact, I was in pain all week.
Welcome to my humor column.
Actually, pain is not really all that funny ... unless it happens to somebody else. Oh, come on. Don't get all sanctimonious on me. Pain is the very essence of the Bugs Bunny Show. And the Three Stooges. And every sitcom that relies on personal slights and insults. Without pain to tickle the funny bone, the entertainment industry would be no bigger today than George Bush's collection of feminist literature.
Of course, pain is funny only when it happens to somebody else. It's a lot like reality TV. If it was you stranded on a desert island with a dozen other maniacs, trying to cook worms without emptying your stomach first, would you feel "entertained"?
Fortunately for the deep-pocket sponsors of reality TV, it's not really very real. As long as somebody else is enjoying their makeshift meal of gourmet slimies, it's called entertainment.
Unfortunately for me, my muscle pain is real. It's in my back. It's in my side. It hurts when I bend, twist, or make any sudden movement not approved by the FDA, the DEA, the IRS, the RCMP, the CIA or Interpol.
I did something stupid. No, I did not try a triple summersault on my snowboard in the Rockies. Unfortunately, it was not that stupid. But I did pick up 37-pound Little Lady to place her in her high chair. And I did use just one arm, off to the side, while fiddling with the high chair straps.
I was keenly aware of the exact moment that God said, "It's about time you learn a lesson about physics and biology and all those other subjects you so smugly weaseled your way out of in high school." Ouch.
Parents of young children deserve immunity against muscle pain. A young child should be a "get out of pain free" card. You get to go directly to health, do not pass the hospital, do not pay $200.
Why special treatment for parents of young children? Because they never get the chance to fully recuperate.
Children demand 100 times more physical interaction than adults. And guess what? They want it at their level ... which means bending over. Ouch.
Children are unpredictable, which means they might suddenly grab your leg with enough energy to fell an oak. Since there is rarely an oak in your living room, your leg falls with you attached. Or you react to keep yourself from falling ... which means twisting. Ouch.
Did I mention that kids want to play a lot? Running. Dancing. Chasing. Throwing. Rolling on the floor. Can you resist? Of course you can. "Catch, daddy." Oops, I forgot. Ouch.
OK, how about playing something calm. I sat Little Lady in her high chair (without twisting this time) and placed some Play Dough in front of her. "Please, please, please stop dropping chunks on the floor where I have to bend reeeeeeeally low to pick them up." Ouch.
A parent of a young child simply does not have the opportunity to heal. He just keeps re-injuring himself over and over and over and over.
So if you notice my columns growing less funny and more painful, please don't laugh. It's my pain, and it is real.
About The Author
The author is David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, publisher of Your Daily Dose of Happiness at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html. Read more personal growth articles in his Self-actualization Resource Center at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html, or visit his home page at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.
http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html
cleaning team near Winnetka ..MYTH: If you have not parented as well as you... Read More
From criticizing a spouse, to claming up about one's own... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
Here we will come to know who are the most... Read More
Jason Roberts listened to his son's explanation of the missing... Read More
How should one look upon Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)... Read More
When a child is born, a new number is added... Read More
Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More
"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
Raising a pre-teen or teenage daughter (or son) is not... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
As a parent your biggest responsibility is to prepare your... Read More
I will cherish this moment. I will not let it... Read More
Q. My daughter is a junior in high school and... Read More
Ever blown your top to your children, only to regret... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
Having been a parent educator and a PBS consultant for... Read More
Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More
When parents help their children learn to read, they help... Read More
Ritalin has been shown through the years to be very... Read More
1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More
Many parenting books advise against eating out with young children.... Read More
"He is happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning... Read More
Travel is a common theme in my life -- probably... Read More
This is the third and final article in a series... Read More
Former students would probably attest to the fact that few... Read More
The human brain never actually stops developing. Beginning formation in... Read More
How do we deal with our seriously distressed children and... Read More
In seminars I am often asked about pocket-money and whether... Read More
It's sometimes difficult to find ways to be involved with... Read More
Nothing touches the heartstrings of a parent more than the... Read More
Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More
Not so long ago a dad-to-be would pace up and... Read More
Many young people don't know how to study efficiently and... Read More
Did you know that many people retire broke?It's true. After... Read More
The Real Dangers to Kids Online and How to Avoid... Read More
So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More
So you're going to become a father. Now is not... Read More
I love Google and Yahoo. With Google and Yahoo I... Read More
Can you draw a straight line? Most adults don't consider... Read More
Do any other reality TV junkies remember a show on... Read More
Congratulations on your new baby! You have just brought your... Read More
Fizzy sherbet in a paper bag with a strawberry lollipop... Read More
You have a chore to do around the house, and... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Teens can freely access the Internet from computers at school,... Read More
Parenting |