I am in pain. I've been in pain all day. Last night, I was in "searing pain", which is pain multiplied by pain, divided by relief, then multiplied by pain to the tenth power. In case you are not a math whiz, that equals pain with 33 zeros after it. Two days ago, I was in pain (just regular pain, no zeros). In fact, I was in pain all week.
Welcome to my humor column.
Actually, pain is not really all that funny ... unless it happens to somebody else. Oh, come on. Don't get all sanctimonious on me. Pain is the very essence of the Bugs Bunny Show. And the Three Stooges. And every sitcom that relies on personal slights and insults. Without pain to tickle the funny bone, the entertainment industry would be no bigger today than George Bush's collection of feminist literature.
Of course, pain is funny only when it happens to somebody else. It's a lot like reality TV. If it was you stranded on a desert island with a dozen other maniacs, trying to cook worms without emptying your stomach first, would you feel "entertained"?
Fortunately for the deep-pocket sponsors of reality TV, it's not really very real. As long as somebody else is enjoying their makeshift meal of gourmet slimies, it's called entertainment.
Unfortunately for me, my muscle pain is real. It's in my back. It's in my side. It hurts when I bend, twist, or make any sudden movement not approved by the FDA, the DEA, the IRS, the RCMP, the CIA or Interpol.
I did something stupid. No, I did not try a triple summersault on my snowboard in the Rockies. Unfortunately, it was not that stupid. But I did pick up 37-pound Little Lady to place her in her high chair. And I did use just one arm, off to the side, while fiddling with the high chair straps.
I was keenly aware of the exact moment that God said, "It's about time you learn a lesson about physics and biology and all those other subjects you so smugly weaseled your way out of in high school." Ouch.
Parents of young children deserve immunity against muscle pain. A young child should be a "get out of pain free" card. You get to go directly to health, do not pass the hospital, do not pay $200.
Why special treatment for parents of young children? Because they never get the chance to fully recuperate.
Children demand 100 times more physical interaction than adults. And guess what? They want it at their level ... which means bending over. Ouch.
Children are unpredictable, which means they might suddenly grab your leg with enough energy to fell an oak. Since there is rarely an oak in your living room, your leg falls with you attached. Or you react to keep yourself from falling ... which means twisting. Ouch.
Did I mention that kids want to play a lot? Running. Dancing. Chasing. Throwing. Rolling on the floor. Can you resist? Of course you can. "Catch, daddy." Oops, I forgot. Ouch.
OK, how about playing something calm. I sat Little Lady in her high chair (without twisting this time) and placed some Play Dough in front of her. "Please, please, please stop dropping chunks on the floor where I have to bend reeeeeeeally low to pick them up." Ouch.
A parent of a young child simply does not have the opportunity to heal. He just keeps re-injuring himself over and over and over and over.
So if you notice my columns growing less funny and more painful, please don't laugh. It's my pain, and it is real.
About The Author
The author is David Leonhardt, The Happy Guy, publisher of Your Daily Dose of Happiness at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html. Read more personal growth articles in his Self-actualization Resource Center at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html, or visit his home page at http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html.
http://thehappyguy.com/daily-happiness-free-ezine.html
cleaning team near Winnetka ..Winnie the Pooh is the classic picture of Inattentive ADHD.... Read More
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
Here's a scene: A parent "might suddenly grab a happliy... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More
In "The Ring Bear," a picture book by Tigard resident... Read More
It's been said, time and again, that for a child... Read More
It may seem obvious to many people why literacy is... Read More
The formula is pretty straightforward: energy in/energy out. This is... Read More
Family decision-making is an intriguing phenomenon. Many factors become part... Read More
Q. How do I overcome the 16-year-old who does things... Read More
I was in the life insurance sales industry for over... Read More
For the most positive daycare experience for your child, partner... Read More
Although it might seem pretty corny to a lot of... Read More
How in the world do you get your child to... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
The following spelling games can be used by parents to... Read More
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More
The key to lifelong learning is reading and writing. When... Read More
Kids today no longer live the kind of privileged lives... Read More
The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
family-safe home cleaners Northbrook ..Many parents struggle to know which foods are healthy for... Read More
It's that time of year when mom and dad look... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
"Home Schooling ? Look Before You Leap"Are you considering home... Read More
Choosing to leave your child with a caregiver is one... Read More
"Walk through any toy store and you will see walls... Read More
17 Quick Ways to Strengthen the Bonds of LoveOn Mother's... Read More
In today's busy world, many parents have lost the art... Read More
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is the phrase that is... Read More
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
I recently heard a story that has literally changed the... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
Voices have a way of falling into a pattern, not... Read More
Each child carries a unique picture of the self, shaped... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
We need a grass roots campaign targeted towards parents to... Read More
Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More
How well do you really know your child?There is so... Read More
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all... Read More
Diagnosing children and teens with ADHD can be a challenge.... Read More
Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More
My son recently had his third birthday party and it... Read More
Parenting |