Home
>
Parenting
>
Misplaced Passion

Misplaced Passion

"Before every action, ask yourself: Will this bring more monkeys on my back? Will the result of my action be a blessing or a heavy burden?" --Alfred A. Montapert

It's that time of year again. Plans are underway for end-of-year recitals, end-of-year concerts, and end-of-year teacher appreciation brunches. I'm in the midst of them, getting ready for violin book graduations, three orchestra concerts, and a middle school graduation. The high school has already phoned asking for my contribution to Teacher Appreciation Day.

These are exciting times, but unfortunately they can also be times of unnecessary stress. One reason: misplaced passion.

One of the things brought to my attention over and over again in my ROCKET MOM! seminars is the misplaced passion amongst some very well-intentioned moms. Many of us made the decision to jump off the career track onto the mommy track in an effort to bring some level of sanity to our home lives. And indeed, there is a huge shift in the family paradigm occurring before our eyes. As early as 1994, the "experts" noticed significant changes. James Dobson called it when he said: "Large numbers of women are leaving the workplace and making the sacrifices required to stay home while their children are young. " (1) Barron's called it in their March 21, 1994 cover story a "demographic sea change." And noted trend analyst and author Faith Popcorn, called it when she identified this as a "huge trend." (2) Economist Howard Hayghe called it in 2000 when he reviewed the drop off in working married mothers with a child less than one year old from 59% in 1997 to 53% in 2000, and proclaimed the shift "huge." (3) Lisa Belkin called it in her October 1, 2003 New York Times Magazine feature story: "The Opt-Out Revolution." And Time Magazine called it in their March 22 cover story: "The Case for Staying Home."

Bright, highly educated women are consciously jumping off the career track. 1 in 3 women with M.B.A.'s are not working full-time. (4) Of Harvard Business School's women graduates of '81, '85, and '91-women currently in the fortysomething crowd-only 38% are working full-time. (5) 26% of women at "the cusp of the most senior levels of management" do not want that next promotion. (6) And 51% of GenX moms are home full-time, most who ?after first-hand observation of the personal sacrifices made by their own moms in the family-work-balance-equation-decided that the sacrifices were just not worth it. (7)

Much of the passion previously reserved for corporate life is being re-directed into home life. The "brain drain" on the American economy is cycling itself into the American home. I am included in those statistics, having made a similar choice. But I am not interested in pursuing the unfortunate dichotomy of the typical "working-versus-stay-at-home-mom-debate." That's not my point.

It's this: many of today's women who have previously poured their passion into their careers are now looking for outlets in which to re-direct it. In most cases, this passion is being invested with energetic doses into the health and well-being of children and families. And that should be applauded of course.

But in a number of cases-which, unfortunately, are always painfully obvious due to the frustration and downright pain inflicted onto those of us on whom it has been misplaced-women are directing their passion into arenas which have no long-term impact on the health or well-being of the child, no long-term impact on the health or well-being of the family, and no long-term impact on the health or well-being of the community at large.

Let me give you some examples:

? a kindergarten class is having an end-of-year party and the room mom calls all the other moms asking for goodies. One of the moms says she'll be glad to bring sandwiches; the room mom replies that they must be a certain type, cut into fourths and individually wrapped and delivered by x-date and time. The volunteer mom states that she can't do quite that and cheerfully offers to bring something else; the room mom blows her completely off.

? the room mom asks for sweets for the end-of-year party; a mom volunteers to bake and bring brownies (with Ghirdadelli chocolate no less!) and the room mom tells her that she is not accepting brownies?only home-baked cookies. The contribution is denied.

? another room mom tells all volunteers that if they bring cookies they have to be sprinkled with the school colors or they will not be accepted.

? another mom hosting an end-of-year middle school reception tells a volunteer contributing mom that the two large bouquets of flowers brought in for the reception (purchased from a local florist) aren't good enough, and slams the mom-in the presence of other moms-for her effort.

I'm not making these stories up. The flower incident happened to me just last week. Others were shared by disheartened moms in my seminars; many more could be listed. I know you are nodding your head?because every single time I do a seminar, this issue comes up?and every single mom in the room is nodding her head!

This is nothing less than misplaced passion. With some ego thrown in for good measure. These unfortunate moms have lots of energy which they need to use up?but it is mis-directed. Just because one thrived with superb organizational skills in the corporate world does not necessarily mean she will thrive in the naturally chaotic world of families and home life. And managing those working for her on the business organizational chart is an entirely different task than organizing volunteer efforts by the willing and able hands of fellow moms frantically attempting to get through the frustrations of their 24/7 job.

As the end-of-school-year approaches and you are asked to lead a volunteer effort-or to just have one small part in one-please check to see that your passions are appropriately directed. If you are asked to lead an event which requires that you posses the "gift of hospitality," please do not volunteer to head it up if you have the "gift of Attila the Hun"-even if you have the organizational skills of a Fortune 500 CEO. Hosting events requires someone with a pleasant spirit, rather than a competitive or mean-spirited attitude. Before volunteering for anything, make it your firm rule to run it against your life message and your life passions. Is there a natural fit? Or are you volunteering for something because you feel a sense of obligation? Is there any selfish pride or ego going on here? Are you fearful that the efforts of others might reflect unfavorably on you? Does your effort make you tense and highly irritable? If so, you are probably not serving in an area which matches your natural giftedness.

Please be painfully aware that the moms whom you are asking to contribute are undoubtedly sleep-deprived, toddler-fatigued, or carpooled-out. Giving must always be from the heart. Giving should always be done cheerfully and generously. It should never be forced. Be sure that your level of involvement matches your level of passion. If baking cookies for your child's school doesn't float your boat, don't feel guilty about it; volunteer your gifts in a more appropriate way. If organizing luncheons isn't your cup of tea, don't waste another minute thinking about it! Politely decline and offer to serve in another area.

If you have not yet determined your life purpose and your life message, then you have some discernment to do in the days and weeks ahead. Consciously begin thinking about what you were put on this earth to do. Start figuring out where your natural gifts are, and areas where you can best serve others.

And keep a healthy perspective. Keep a cheerful attitude. Most importantly, keep those eyes focused upward. It'll help you put your passions in exactly the right place for service.

NOTES
(1) Dr. James Dobson
(2) Jones, Rachel, "Some working mothers finding they enjoy return to home track." Lexington Herald Leader, May 10, 1996, p. 3.
(3) Wallis, Claudia, "The Case for Staying Home." TIME, March 22, 2004, p. 53.
(4) Ibid.
(5) Belkin, Lisa, "The Opt-Out Revolution." New York Times Magazine, October 26, 2003, http://nytimes.com, p. 3.
(6) Ibid., p. 4.
(7) Wallis, p. 54.

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. and worked at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch before coming home to work as a wife and mother of four. She totally re-invented herself along the way. Strong convictions were born about the role of the arts in child development; homeschooling for ten years provided fertile soil for devising creative parenting strategies. These are played out in ROCKET MOM! 7 Strategies To Blast You Into Brilliance. It is available on Amazon.com, in bookstores everywhere, or by calling 888-476-2493. She writes extensively for a variety of parenting resources and teaches other moms via parenting classes and radio and TV interviews.

Please visit http://www.rocketmom.com to subscribe to her free ezine and get a weekly shot of inspiration.

kitchen deep cleaning Deerfield ..

In The News:

Airport workers report surge in fake lost luggage claims as scammers retrieve discarded baggage tags containing passenger names and travel information.

Unlike robotaxi competitors, Tensor focuses on consumer-owned self-driving cars that adapt to highways and urban roads with full redundancy systems for safety.

Medicare scams cost $54 billion in 2024 as fraudsters target beneficiaries with fake calls demanding payments and personal information to steal benefits.

Scammers create fake Evite invitations that mimic legitimate event emails, requiring users to verify senders and use antivirus software for protection.

The new Apple Watch hypertension feature passively monitors blood pressure patterns over 30 days using sensors to detect chronic high blood pressure signs.

Chrome extension spyware disguised as a free VPN service highlights security risks after it captured private browsing data from trusted sites.

New research shows how fatty acids in cooking oil can safely dissolve and recover silver from circuit boards without harmful chemicals or environmental damage.

The Fox News AI newsletter gives you information on the latest AI technology advancements, and about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Anthropic investigates alarming AI abuse case where hacker automated entire cybercrime campaign using Claude, stealing sensitive data from defense and healthcare firms.

TikTok, Meta and YouTube restrict Charlie Kirk shooting videos with age gates and warnings while X faces criticism for allowing continued circulation.

Cybercriminals use fake troubleshooting websites to trick Mac users into running terminal commands that install Shamos malware through ClickFix tactics.

San Francisco startup Fable launches Showrunner, an AI platform dubbed the 'Netflix of AI' that generates animated episodes from text descriptions with Amazon support.

Apple raised iPhone prices for some models despite receiving tariff relief from President Donald Trump, with the new lineup starting at $799 for the base model.

A two-story 3D concrete printed home in Western Australia demonstrates faster construction methods that could reshape American housing amid rising costs.

Credit scores remain important during retirement for insurance rates and housing applications, while seniors become prime targets for identity theft and financial scams.

Scammers now send unexpected packages with QR codes that redirect victims to fraudulent websites or download malicious software to steal sensitive information.

Meeting AI tools record private conversations alongside work discussions, creating privacy risks that can be managed with proper settings and awareness.

Hotel privacy concerns are valid but rare, with methods to detect hidden tech using smartphone flashlights, mirror tests and scanning apps.

Improve your Wi-Fi speed and reliability with 10 simple router optimization tips that don't require special apps or expensive subscriptions.

A Columbia University breach exposed names, Social Security numbers and academic records of nearly 869,000 people, with notifications beginning in August.

Rental car drivers use AI-powered apps like Proofr to protect themselves from unfair damage fees as major companies deploy automated inspection tools.

Fox News' AI newsletter brings you the latest on technology advancements around artificial intelligence.

OnTrac data breach between April 13-15, 2025, exposed personal information of over 40,000 people including Social Security numbers and medical records.

A woman named Wika announces her engagement to an AI chatbot sparking worldwide debate about virtual relationships and technology.

The notorious people search site National Public Data relaunches despite a previous breach affecting 3 billion individuals, raising fresh privacy concerns.

Misplaced Passion

Parenting