Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece is precious, whether it's a photo or quote from the orphanage staff. LifeBooks help put all the information pieces together in a way that helps your child make sense of, and ultimately feel good, about his/her history.
People often ask me, "What is a LifeBook?" I will respond, "It's the best gift you can ever give an adopted child." A LifeBook is a record of an adoptee's life that uses words, photos, your child's artwork, computer graphics, and memorabilia."
But it's more than a life story. It is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of their child's life. A LifeBook is an adoption security blanket. It makes talking about adoption feel like everyday conversation. Putting your child's life story on paper is such a simple concept. Who would have guessed that the benefits are countless?
"?my daughter's LifeBook only brought us closer and increased her trust in me?" Mary McGuire, adoptive mom of seven- year-old Cassie, adopted from China
Yes, the concept is simple. Is a LifeBook therefore easy to write? Maybe--maybe not.
The stories and photos abound once a child enters his/her family. (How many boxes of pictures do you have stored away?) But that's not the child's beginning. Imagine a picture of someone that gets cut off at the knees. This is what it feels like not to have or to discuss your history. Adoptees end up with a floating or numb sensation with no roots to attach to.
I should know. I spent my first five months in foster care before being adopted. I listened carefully to the silences around adoption during my childhood.
Some families are reluctant to consider a LifeBook. " We have no information-- how can we write when we know nothing?" There are now a number of creative ways to work with little or no information. Ironically, it becomes even more critical for the child with little biographical data to have a LifeBook. Just because a child doesn't talk about "it" doesn't mean s/he isn't thinking about the other parts of his/her life. Often it's that pre-photo period, which adoptees crave to know more about.
It's that sense of missing pieces that can affect attachment or concentration for adopted children. LifeBooks can fill in the missing pieces with words, artwork, and photos, if available. The words will create pictures when none exist.
?. my Mother is a social worker who now uses LifeBooks in her work. I wish LifeBooks were available 22 years ago?maybe I wouldn't have so many unanswered questions?Kate age 22, adult adoptee from Colombia, herself a new social worker.
Adopted children often have secret thoughts about why they were adopted. Many believe that somehow they are responsible for the separation from their birth family. At the age of six I decided that my birth parents died in a plane crash in Africa. I didn't tell a soul. Then I changed the story. It was always death. It's the power of magical thinking.
LifeBooks help reduce magical thinking and fantasy. They free up an adoptee to pay better attention in school. Or to be more available to focus on talents and interests. Better for a child to be out playing soccer or painting a picture than to be fantasizing endlessly about "what happened."
If your child comes from another country, be aware that it's important to discuss the country's conditions and/or rules for adoptions. Often this is the only explanation a child has as to why s/he was placed. LifeBooks are the ultimate teaching tool and they can save hours of therapy later in life.
Remind your children of the ways they are connected to their adoptive family, despite not looking like you. This may be in the form of similar voice patterns, talents, food choices or interests. It took me 45 years to figure out that I got my dry sense of humor from my adoptive father. (OK, so I was a little slow) Never assume that your child doesn't want to be reminded of these connections often. They bear repeating.
In his/her story, make your child the star and celebrate both their resiliency and survival.
?. Sara's Story?What better way to welcome her than by preparing and preserving her history with a LifeBook??Mimi Robins, adoptive grandmother of 4 year-old-old Sara, from China
Help your children to feel proud of their own strengths and the strengths of their birth parents. As Corinne Rayburn, LCSW, LMFT says, " birth families are like in laws?you didn't pick them but have to [accept] them." If you don't have any information, then look to your child's talents and wonder if perhaps they got their artistic talents from that unknown birth father.
The "birthparent page" of a LifeBook really helps out with those tough adolescent years when identity issues begin to peak. The more your child knows, the more that s/he will feel "real."
Some would argue "Our family is very open and always talks about adoption, so why write it down?" Because a book that you and your child can pick up and hold, gives the adoptee control over his/her own story. A child can look at it when the urge hits, without having to ask. It becomes symbolic for adoption discussion.
" Mama read me my LifeBook." Or "Where's my LifeBook, I want to show it to my friend"?. The older a child gets, the more tools a family needs to communicate on adoption issues.
If you are starting to think that LifeBooks are very powerful, you may be wondering where to begin. Here are a few suggestions from Dr. Vera Fahlberg, national adoption expert:
? start with the child's birth
? always discuss the birth mother and birth father( even if you know nothing say that you don't know)
? talk about the reason for separation from the biological family
I like to include the original birth certificate (if available). This official record always fascinates children of any age. Court papers or official records will suffice if no birth certificate is available.
Once you have laid the foundation with birth history, then add the fun part, the time when they joined your family. Don't get caught up in creating the "perfect" LifeBook. LifeBooks become worn and torn and more beautiful with age. The only real mistake you can make is never to begin.
The ultimate MAGIC to creating a treasured LifeBook is to start it, work on it as a family, and give it your child. Even if it only has five pages, it is tangible proof to your child that s/he is precious enough to deserve this treasure.
By Beth O'Malley M.Ed., adoptee, adoptive Mom & author of LifeBooks: Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child copyright 2005 Sign up for LifeBook Lessons ( no charge) at www.adoptionlifebooks.com/signup.htm
Wood Dale Chicago prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareQ: My husband and I are at a loss as... Read More
Ah, potty training! Go to a local bookseller and you... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
In the news, we hear and see an increasing number... Read More
How are parents to know they are doing the right... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
The main thing we noticed since having a baby is... Read More
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party... Read More
I am crying tears of joy mixed with great sadness... Read More
Nurture and TeachThe single most important thing caregivers can do... Read More
I really like all natural remedy for Attention Deficit Disorder... Read More
A common theme over the past 20 years has been... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
Love, love, love. It makes the world go round. It... Read More
I thought I was the only one in the world... Read More
O.K. So now you have taken the step of having... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
What's hard for teenagersHaving people who don't understand you trying... Read More
I've often thought that in 6 million years, archaeologists will... Read More
Many people consider plush toys great for children. They say... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
Frankly, as a single parent of young children, I struggled.... Read More
What is a parenting problem?Parenting is a tough job, we... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
Antigo wedding limo ..Boredom, limited space and overflowing energy are a source of... Read More
Time management is an organisational concept traditionally associated with adults... Read More
Some public schools try to turn children against their parents... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More
Adderall is a stimulant medication used in the treatment of... Read More
Is your weekly shopping trip with the kids an absolute... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
Does music need to be "dumbed-down" for kids? The answer... Read More
As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More
The big yellow school bus is coming down my road... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
Did you know that you are the most important person... Read More
One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is... Read More
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both... Read More
So you have just returned home from your third meeting... Read More
The legend and myth of the Tooth Fairy is a... Read More
Children bombard parents with many challenging behaviours. We are delighted... Read More
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
A common problem many times facing parents is Colic. Estimates... Read More
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
Sometime the most effective training tool in rapidly accelerating the... Read More
Reading to your child at a young age is one... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
Parenting |