My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.
I was busy painting the backyard fence, when their ten-year old son came out with the vacuum cleaner. He opened the front panel, removed the bag, and put it in the bin. Then he took a replacement bag, fitted it, and went back indoors - probably to get on with the vacuum cleaning!
Fifteen minutes later he came out with a large plastic rubbish bag and put it in the bin too. The young kid was at ease with his chores. He was his usual pleasant self and there was no sign of moodiness or resentment.
Clearly his parents had taught their kids in a way which - I have to admit!- my wife and I didn't teach ours.
When our family was growing we tended to do most of the chores ourselves. We were keen - well, my wife was keen! - to ensure that we shared the chores as a couple.
This approach backfired as the kids were growing. Since there was no clearly defined 'chore chart' and since requests for their help were only made occasionally, there was a certain reluctance most of the time.
Even today there can be the odd dispute about who should walk the dog - and loading the dishwasher, it seems, is one of life's mysteries revealed only to parents.
So here's my advice:
Don't do what we did!
Be like our neighbours and start them young. Bring them up to realise that if you live in a home, you contribute to the home. If they grow into this routine, there's unlikely to be resentment or ill-feeling - provided the chores are allocated fairly, of course.
What about parents whose older kids have got off lightly?
Well, you could continue to slave after your charges - but why not start a new regime?
One approach often suggested is that you appeal to the teenager's sense of duty, highlighting their obligations to themselves and others.
But psychologists tell us that approach is the LEAST likely to work with teens.
It's a fact of human nature that people tend to respond more when there's a clear benefit for themselves.
So why not stress the benefits of getting involved in the household chores? Help them see it as an opportunity to develop confidence and independence. When they go off to college or move into a flat or apartment, how are they going to feel if they can't cope?
How are they going to look in front of friends if they can't cook, can't wash and iron their clothes, and can't tidy up after themselves? If they learn these skills, they won't be stranded!
If your kids are coming to household chores after years of having things done for them, you may need to use a reward system to help them over their inertia. No, not gold stars and trips to the zoo!
Rather, 'Mow the lawn and you can have the car on Friday night,' or, 'Let's see what you can do around the house and we'll review your allowance.'
And remember to show them HOW it's done. You may want to consider working with them the first few times, especially if it's a task they've never attempted before.
This approach has worked well for my wife and I, who are late-starters in the 'chores for kids' stakes.
Remember, if things are done out of a sense of 'duty', people tend to be ambivalent. On the one hand they may feel obliged to get on with it, but on the other they may resent it - and that builds up ill-feeling.
Use rewards by all means, but it's better, I think, to help our kids realise that doing the chores is part of their development. That way they're more likely to do them willingly.
This may be a tad idealistic, but this approach, when blended with an attractive reward, can lead to a well- deserved, easier life for hard-pressed parents.
Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
professional maid services Park Ridge ..There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More
Detox To Conceive.. If you're having trouble conceiving... Read More
For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More
Every week I write something about the stock market -... Read More
This may come as a surprise, but many parents are... Read More
Handing Down Malignancy.Children may begin bright and eager to face... Read More
Managing money is one of the most critical skills we... Read More
It's the first day of the summer holiday. Five year-old... Read More
The 21st Century Problem in Schools: Bullying, and How to... Read More
What exactly makes safety glasses different from regular glasses? There... Read More
When we talk about attention, we are talking about two... Read More
As the new school year begins, parents play a pivotal... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
The learning and development of Australian kids is under threat... Read More
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece... Read More
Every children in the world whishes to have toys and... Read More
Here is an easy, inexpensive and fun kid experiment for... Read More
Most people have more training before they receive their driver's... Read More
Every school year parents and students dutifully trudge through the... Read More
It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
You have just received a call from your child's teacher... Read More
Are you looking for the Ultimate Airplane Themed Party Games... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
If you had to spend 4 or 5 hours in... Read More
What would it be like to have a clone? What... Read More
cleaning lady near Lincolnshire ..On a bright Sunday morning, a couple of weeks ago,... Read More
Q. My teenage son is turning 16 early next year... Read More
Whether we realize it or not we teach our children... Read More
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
My cousin boasts five names and I confess that when... Read More
You may remember The Red Couch Project, a book by... Read More
When I was pregnant, we knew that we had some... Read More
We're all familiar with the over-indulgent parent. But there's another... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
We've got spirit, yes we do! We've got spirit how... Read More
Here is something that you might want to keep if... Read More
We were all teens at one time for some many... Read More
Prioritize. Learn to say No. Steal some time for yourself.Don't... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
There are moments in a parent's or grandparent's life, when... Read More
It can be difficult on all family members to have... Read More
Q. "What do you want to be when you grow... Read More
My son, Dakota is now 7 yrs old. He is... Read More
Back in college, I wrote for a five-day-a-week, award-winning campus... Read More
I recall somewhere in the recesses of my aging brain... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Karen, a single never-married thirty-year old attorney has a four-year... Read More
Imagine having no television for an entire season. Such was... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
Parenting |