My neighbours' kid impressed me the other day.
I was busy painting the backyard fence, when their ten-year old son came out with the vacuum cleaner. He opened the front panel, removed the bag, and put it in the bin. Then he took a replacement bag, fitted it, and went back indoors - probably to get on with the vacuum cleaning!
Fifteen minutes later he came out with a large plastic rubbish bag and put it in the bin too. The young kid was at ease with his chores. He was his usual pleasant self and there was no sign of moodiness or resentment.
Clearly his parents had taught their kids in a way which - I have to admit!- my wife and I didn't teach ours.
When our family was growing we tended to do most of the chores ourselves. We were keen - well, my wife was keen! - to ensure that we shared the chores as a couple.
This approach backfired as the kids were growing. Since there was no clearly defined 'chore chart' and since requests for their help were only made occasionally, there was a certain reluctance most of the time.
Even today there can be the odd dispute about who should walk the dog - and loading the dishwasher, it seems, is one of life's mysteries revealed only to parents.
So here's my advice:
Don't do what we did!
Be like our neighbours and start them young. Bring them up to realise that if you live in a home, you contribute to the home. If they grow into this routine, there's unlikely to be resentment or ill-feeling - provided the chores are allocated fairly, of course.
What about parents whose older kids have got off lightly?
Well, you could continue to slave after your charges - but why not start a new regime?
One approach often suggested is that you appeal to the teenager's sense of duty, highlighting their obligations to themselves and others.
But psychologists tell us that approach is the LEAST likely to work with teens.
It's a fact of human nature that people tend to respond more when there's a clear benefit for themselves.
So why not stress the benefits of getting involved in the household chores? Help them see it as an opportunity to develop confidence and independence. When they go off to college or move into a flat or apartment, how are they going to feel if they can't cope?
How are they going to look in front of friends if they can't cook, can't wash and iron their clothes, and can't tidy up after themselves? If they learn these skills, they won't be stranded!
If your kids are coming to household chores after years of having things done for them, you may need to use a reward system to help them over their inertia. No, not gold stars and trips to the zoo!
Rather, 'Mow the lawn and you can have the car on Friday night,' or, 'Let's see what you can do around the house and we'll review your allowance.'
And remember to show them HOW it's done. You may want to consider working with them the first few times, especially if it's a task they've never attempted before.
This approach has worked well for my wife and I, who are late-starters in the 'chores for kids' stakes.
Remember, if things are done out of a sense of 'duty', people tend to be ambivalent. On the one hand they may feel obliged to get on with it, but on the other they may resent it - and that builds up ill-feeling.
Use rewards by all means, but it's better, I think, to help our kids realise that doing the chores is part of their development. That way they're more likely to do them willingly.
This may be a tad idealistic, but this approach, when blended with an attractive reward, can lead to a well- deserved, easier life for hard-pressed parents.
Happy parenting!
Why do some parents and children succeed, while others fail? Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and teacher. If you want to develop your parenting skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
Aledo prom limo .. Lockport Chicago limo O’HareAll children will likely have many different health problems during... Read More
When it's time to put your child into a daycare... Read More
1. Make stronger connections among individuals and, therefore, creates a... Read More
It's funny how people seem to think that they have... Read More
Bedtime and children's sleep habits can cause nightmares - for... Read More
Child Car Seat Safety:We know you love your children, but... Read More
Sitterphobe "I never have a second to myself," this mother... Read More
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies... Read More
As a parent, you can learn a lot about your... Read More
The No Child Left Behind Act of 2001 is making... Read More
Self-reliance and potential are two very important values that I'd... Read More
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference... Read More
How often do you think of family life as an... Read More
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More
Time devoted the better part of an issue to it.... Read More
College is one of the largest expenses through the course... Read More
The successful preschool idea behind many successful preschool learning centers... Read More
Did you know that over 75% of teens aged 16-17... Read More
When a parent is deployed with the military it can... Read More
Here are fourteen spontaneous time-outs, specially designed to help you... Read More
Being in a competitive world, the lowest qualification to secure... Read More
4 traps to avoidTrap 1 - Parents need to realize... Read More
Very often, new parents rely on a parenting tip or... Read More
When a child wets the bed they worry. Children tend... Read More
Dads, please let me encourage you to change some things... Read More
Bishop Hill Chicago limo service ..It's hard to explain to the uninitiated the changes that... Read More
Do you think you really know your child? I don't... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
Teri was 5. As younger siblings do, she looked up... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her... Read More
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children... Read More
For first time parents choosing a swing set or outdoor... Read More
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
Wooden toys are one of the best alternatives for the... Read More
As a hypnotherapist, I am acutely aware of the power... Read More
Until the moment I became a mother, I couldn't quite... Read More
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
When growing up, my father frequently reminded me to "pay... Read More
17 Quick Ways to Strengthen the Bonds of LoveOn Mother's... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More
You no longer have to use Ritalin or other stimulants... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
No matter how old your children are, you have an... Read More
There are several treatment options available to help improve the... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
The wonderful adaptability of children in dealing with the challenges... Read More
Any parent whose baby has suffered from colic can tell... Read More
When my firstborn arrived into this serene and peaceful household,... Read More
Parenting |