Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic bodily function? Do you praise your child for obeying the laws of gravity? Do you give praise for simple socialisation procedures that your child practises every day?

No, you say. Have you ever praised your child for finishing all his meal? Ever praised a child for staying on his bike or perhaps staying vertical on roller-blades? Ever praised a toddler for their terrific smile and fantastic manners?

In the last few decades parents in many parts of the world including the US. UK and Australia have enthusiastically followed the positive parenting teachings, but for some praise for a job well done has become like a nervous tic.

"You finished your meal. What a guy!"

"That's the best work I've ever seen!"

"You are such a clever little swimming girl."

"You used the toilet. Let's ring grandma and tell her what a clever girl your are!"

Sound familiar. Yes most parents are well aware of the notion of praise but are we going too far? Parents and teachers can praise children so much that it becomes a little like water off a duck's back and so lack any real meaning for kids. Too much praise can actually be demotivating for kids.

Before condemning or pushing the virtues of praise it is worth remembering why parents have been encouraged to use it in the first place. Its origins can be traced to the need to provide a child with a positive level of self esteem. The benefits of positive or healthy self esteem has been well-researched in recent years with one recent British long-term study indicating that self-esteem is a better indicator for positive outcomes for kids than intelligence or high skills levels.

Children gain their self-esteem from the messages that they receive and through their interactions with the world. The main developmental tasks for children under ten is to work out what they can do and how they fit into the world. Am I a chump or champ? is a question that concerns many children. Praise has been promoted as the predominant parental tool to boost children's self esteem. But like any tool it can be misused and indeed overused so that it becomes ineffective.

I have my concerns about praise as a successful parenting strategy. Yes, it can be overused however I have never met an adult who says that they can't cope because they were overpraised as a child. But too much praise can be demotivating. If a child is told everything he does is FANTASTIC then how will he ever really know when he has done something that really is fantastic. Sometimes mediocrity needs to be recognised rather than boosted to another level.

I also have a hunch that overpraising kids also makes them dependent on others for their self-esteem. I have seen kids brought up on lavish diets of praise always checking in with their parents and teachers about how they are progressing. Constant comments such as "Is this good, Mum? Did I do well, Dad?" are signs of praise-dependent kids. You may say does this matter? I am not sure, but I think the more kids depend on others for their feelings of self-worth the more likely they are to be open to peer-pressure later on. Peers replace parents as people to please.

Encouragement is a far more powerful esteem-building tool than praise and it doesn't have the adverse side effects. The differences are slim but important. Encouragement focuses on the process of what a child does whereas praise focuses on the end result. Encouraging comments focus on effort, improvement, involvement, enjoyment, contribution or displays confidence whereas praise concerns itself with good results. An encouraging parent gives children feedback about their performance but they ensure the feedback is realistic and they work from positives rather than negatives. An encouraging parent will note a child's efforts in toilet-training and recognise that mistakes are part of the learning process so they are not too fussed about the results. Praise however is saved for a clean nappy and a full potty. Encouragement recognises that a child is participating and enjoying a game while praise focuses on winning or a fine performance. Okay, the differences are academic and it may seem like splitting hairs but the results on the potty, in a game or even at the kitchen table should concern children more than they do adults. As soon as we become more concerned about results than children we move into areas of children's concern and out of areas of our concern. In short, praise is about control and encouragement is about influence.

In some ways kids can become saturated by encouragement just as they can by praise. And of course some children need more encouragement (or praise) than others. Certainly there are times in kids' lives just as there are times in adults lives when an encouraging word is needed more than others. But the art of encouragement (or praising ) is about giving it when it is needed and when it is due rather than giving it thoughtlessly and with little meaning.

The use of encouragement, like praise, requires some moderation and restraint for it to be effective. Just as a child who gorges himself on lollies will soon lose interest in something that was once a treat a child who is praised for every little deed will eventually need a veritable phrase book of positives to get him motivated.

Michael Grose

You can learn more about the wonderful art of encouragement so that you can continuously boost your child's self-confidence in Michael's ebook - Encouragement, which is available at WWW.Parentingideas.com.au .

Michael Grose is a leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and over 300 parenting columns in magazines and newspapers in three contintents.

For more practical ideas to help you raise happy kids and resilient young people visit www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's free email newsletter and receive free report - sven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

Wheaton limo Chicago a> .. Lockport Chicago limo O’Hare
In The News:

Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Kurt the CyberGuy offers tips to dramatically reduce the risk of having your information stolen while booking flights, cruises, vehicles and accommodations.
Whoosh to launch a new urban transit system in 2026, offering a unique blend of on-demand service, direct routing and privacy that sets it apart from traditional public transportation.
Spambots, data thieves, and other bad actors run rampant online — more so now than ever before. Here's what to do if one gets ahold of you.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says the Super Bowl's huge audience makes it a prime target for many types of cybersecurity scams.
It's not just about freeing up space on your computer, Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says. It's about protecting your digital memories and important documents.
From proofreading and research to brainstorming and data analysis, you can use generative AI as a sidekick for just about any task you can dream of.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Super Bowl 2025 ads promise star power and laughs, featuring Beckham's twin reveal.
First driverless semi delivers 100 loads in Texas, transforming logistics with AI. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson gives his takeaways.
A new scam using Elon Musk's name is making the rounds, promoting "energy-saving" devices and falsely linking the Tesla and SpaceX leader to the products.
China recently unveiled a new bullet train prototype with a test speed of 280 mph that is poised to break records and set new standards.
Hackers sometimes find ways to exploit iPhones, and Apple recently discovered a vulnerability in iOS that may have been exploited for over a year.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Lynx the robot dog from China is pushing boundaries of what autonomous mobile robots can achieve with a groundbreaking design and unique mobility.
A startup claims to have developed the world's first entirely artificial intelligence-designed and 3D-printed shoe, the brainchild of a 25-year-old.
Creating an email alias can help clean up your inbox by organizing emails based on purpose, like creating different aliases for shopping, newsletters and work.
A multipurpose robotic system promises to transform how items are stacked onto pallets, aiming to maximize space utilization and reduce shipping costs.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
The number of people affected by a UnitedHealth data breach in February 2024 was actually higher than previously reported and was the largest medical data breach in U.S. history.
A phishing campaign uses Google Calendar to schedule fake meeting invitations that appear legitimate, redirecting targets to phishing sites.
Toll road text scam: Fake messages claim unpaid fees, seek payment via fraudulent links. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says this scam is becoming increasingly sophisticated and widespread.
Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says these steps ensure that your friends and family get to the exact moment you want them to see. Try it out and streamline your sharing experience.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson offers tips on how to protect your identity: Be vigilant, monitor accounts, use smart security, know theft response.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says cybercriminals are exploiting iMessage phishing protection, tricking users to reactivate links.
It's hard to imagine life without in-flight Wi-Fi these days – but sky-high web surfing comes with its own set of privacy concerns. Here's how to protect yourself.

Picky Eater - Fighting the Good Fight

Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is... Read More

Helping Your Children Develop Their Self-Discipline

We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More

Develop Your Childs Critical Thinking Skills

1. Encourage Questions.Don't answer every question, instead ask what do... Read More

Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines

Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in... Read More

Organizing a Car Wash Fundraiser

The key to a successful car wash fundraiser event is... Read More

Birth of a Parent

So you're pregnant. Congratulations! Your life is about to change... Read More

Are You Too Busy for Your Kids?

In his recent newsletter "Happy Kids", parenting expert Michael Grose... Read More

Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Things to Stop Doing Right Away

1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make... Read More

Going Out to a Restaurant with Kids

Dining in a restaurant with kids can be very enervating... Read More

The Courage to Be a Loving Parent

Most of us really don't like it when someone is... Read More

Build Character with this Delicious Triple A Recipe!

Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More

The Post-Holiday Blues In Stepfamilies

In stepfamilies, big holiday expectations can lead to big disappointment--and... Read More

Invented Spelling --- Another Alice-in-Wonderland Public-School Theory

As part of the whole-language (or "balanced") reading-instruction philosophy, many... Read More

Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States

How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More

A Legacy For Dakota

Have you heard the song; "I Hope You Dance"? It... Read More

The Secret of Understanding Children

It was a day that I will forever be etched... Read More

Vision: 20/20 Is Not Enough!

Now is an excellent time to have your child's vision... Read More

Who Are You When the Professional In You Meets Baby?

Are you a professional?Notice how the questions differs from, "Do... Read More

Putting Your Child To Bed

Are you glad for the chance to put your child... Read More

Childrens Friendships Made Easy

Most research into children's friendships shows that those children who... Read More

Role Models for Your Teen

By the time your children reach their teens, there is... Read More

When Your Chicks Leave the Nest

When my son was 18 (and had finished school), he... Read More

Parenting Failure? It May Not Be All It Seems!

I'll never forget my first lesson in a glider.I'd been... Read More

Internet Dangers - Protecting Children from Internet Jeopardy

Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's... Read More

Disciplining the Wild Child

Do you have a wild child? Then this article may... Read More

Chicago limo Lisle ..