Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?

Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic bodily function? Do you praise your child for obeying the laws of gravity? Do you give praise for simple socialisation procedures that your child practises every day?

No, you say. Have you ever praised your child for finishing all his meal? Ever praised a child for staying on his bike or perhaps staying vertical on roller-blades? Ever praised a toddler for their terrific smile and fantastic manners?

In the last few decades parents in many parts of the world including the US. UK and Australia have enthusiastically followed the positive parenting teachings, but for some praise for a job well done has become like a nervous tic.

"You finished your meal. What a guy!"

"That's the best work I've ever seen!"

"You are such a clever little swimming girl."

"You used the toilet. Let's ring grandma and tell her what a clever girl your are!"

Sound familiar. Yes most parents are well aware of the notion of praise but are we going too far? Parents and teachers can praise children so much that it becomes a little like water off a duck's back and so lack any real meaning for kids. Too much praise can actually be demotivating for kids.

Before condemning or pushing the virtues of praise it is worth remembering why parents have been encouraged to use it in the first place. Its origins can be traced to the need to provide a child with a positive level of self esteem. The benefits of positive or healthy self esteem has been well-researched in recent years with one recent British long-term study indicating that self-esteem is a better indicator for positive outcomes for kids than intelligence or high skills levels.

Children gain their self-esteem from the messages that they receive and through their interactions with the world. The main developmental tasks for children under ten is to work out what they can do and how they fit into the world. Am I a chump or champ? is a question that concerns many children. Praise has been promoted as the predominant parental tool to boost children's self esteem. But like any tool it can be misused and indeed overused so that it becomes ineffective.

I have my concerns about praise as a successful parenting strategy. Yes, it can be overused however I have never met an adult who says that they can't cope because they were overpraised as a child. But too much praise can be demotivating. If a child is told everything he does is FANTASTIC then how will he ever really know when he has done something that really is fantastic. Sometimes mediocrity needs to be recognised rather than boosted to another level.

I also have a hunch that overpraising kids also makes them dependent on others for their self-esteem. I have seen kids brought up on lavish diets of praise always checking in with their parents and teachers about how they are progressing. Constant comments such as "Is this good, Mum? Did I do well, Dad?" are signs of praise-dependent kids. You may say does this matter? I am not sure, but I think the more kids depend on others for their feelings of self-worth the more likely they are to be open to peer-pressure later on. Peers replace parents as people to please.

Encouragement is a far more powerful esteem-building tool than praise and it doesn't have the adverse side effects. The differences are slim but important. Encouragement focuses on the process of what a child does whereas praise focuses on the end result. Encouraging comments focus on effort, improvement, involvement, enjoyment, contribution or displays confidence whereas praise concerns itself with good results. An encouraging parent gives children feedback about their performance but they ensure the feedback is realistic and they work from positives rather than negatives. An encouraging parent will note a child's efforts in toilet-training and recognise that mistakes are part of the learning process so they are not too fussed about the results. Praise however is saved for a clean nappy and a full potty. Encouragement recognises that a child is participating and enjoying a game while praise focuses on winning or a fine performance. Okay, the differences are academic and it may seem like splitting hairs but the results on the potty, in a game or even at the kitchen table should concern children more than they do adults. As soon as we become more concerned about results than children we move into areas of children's concern and out of areas of our concern. In short, praise is about control and encouragement is about influence.

In some ways kids can become saturated by encouragement just as they can by praise. And of course some children need more encouragement (or praise) than others. Certainly there are times in kids' lives just as there are times in adults lives when an encouraging word is needed more than others. But the art of encouragement (or praising ) is about giving it when it is needed and when it is due rather than giving it thoughtlessly and with little meaning.

The use of encouragement, like praise, requires some moderation and restraint for it to be effective. Just as a child who gorges himself on lollies will soon lose interest in something that was once a treat a child who is praised for every little deed will eventually need a veritable phrase book of positives to get him motivated.

Michael Grose

You can learn more about the wonderful art of encouragement so that you can continuously boost your child's self-confidence in Michael's ebook - Encouragement, which is available at WWW.Parentingideas.com.au .

Michael Grose is a leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and over 300 parenting columns in magazines and newspapers in three contintents.

For more practical ideas to help you raise happy kids and resilient young people visit www.parentingideas.com.au. While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids, Michael's free email newsletter and receive free report - sven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport car
In The News:

Getting virus alerts on your iPhone? Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson helps you learn how to handle fake scam alerts and boost security.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says opening emails is safe, but risks arise from interacting with links, attachments or HTML content.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals four signs of compromised Social Security numbers and offers five steps to protect yourself.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how MAB Robotics' Honey Badger 4.0, a versatile robot, now walks underwater with amphibious skills.
An updated Android trojan called FakeCall hijacks bank calls. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson says Android phone manufacturers and Google need to step up their game on security.
The Massimo Modular E9 is a sleek, smart and comfy tiny home in 409 square feet. Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson takes a closer look at what the future of housing might look like.
Every stock trader should consider a virtual private network to safeguard their trading, according to tech guru Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson.
Apple recently announced its new lineup of Macs and rolled out Apple Intelligence, its latest artificial intelligence-powered feature for its products.
A Swiss-engineered robot can climb ladders, showing why it's at the cutting edge of autonomous robotic solutions for harsh industrial settings.
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson presents the cities targeted most by robocalls, why this is happening and what you can do about it to protect your privacy.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents
Kurt "CyberGuy" Knutsson shares tips and suggestions for how to get the best use out of the updated Calendar app available with the latest iOS update.
Your Social Security number, your unique identifier used for many purposes, has likely been leaked on the Dark Web; here are some steps you can take to protect yourself.
Researchers have developed a new technology that creates strong, sticky fibers capable of lifting objects and capturing things from a distance.
Smart rings track the same things that smartwatches do, including steps, sleep and a general overview of your overall health, and they tend have more battery life than smartwatches.
Researchers have developed a robotic finger that can perform routine medical exams like those conducted by doctors, helping to address the growing shortage of trained professionals.
Stay up to date on the latest AI technology advancements and learn about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.
Insurance administrative services company Landmark Admin reported that a data breach from a May cyberattack affected over 800,000 people.
Sotheby's will auction the first artwork created by Ai-Da, the world's first robot artist created in 2019 by British gallerist Aidan Meller.
More than 250 million users of the Verizon Messages app will have to switch to another app. Verizon is shutting down Messages in the next month.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson provides a list of 10 celebrities who are the most targeted by deepfake scams, including Tom Hanks.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson discusses how Vast's Haven-1, launching in 2025, transforms space living with human-centric design.
UnitedHealth confirms over 100 million Change Healthcare users had their data stolen. Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson reveals what happened and what caused the breach.
Tech expert Kurt “CyberGuy" Knutsson explains how iOS 18 brings new text formatting and animated effects to the Messages app.
Whether you're a social media veteran or novice, Facebook friend request scams are common. Kurt the CyberGuy provides tips to keep your account safe.

Building Teen Character: Part-Time Employment

The teenage years are a crucial time in a child's... Read More

Advocating for Your Child with LD

Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does... Read More

Planning the Ultimate Kid Birthday Party

Child Party Planning Guideline #1)Pick the ThemeYour child is going... Read More

Children?s Birthday Party Planning: When and When Not to Have a Big Party

Age 1: Invite only family members and close friends only... Read More

The ADD Child: Challenging Parents, Teachers and Friends

The ADD child exhibits a series of behaviors that are... Read More

The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children

What you say and do about money has a profound... Read More

Preventing Obesity in Young Children

Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More

How To Teach Your Children Social Skills

As our children grow, they will be going to schools... Read More

Back to School

It is hard to believe that summer is coming to... Read More

Potty Training Battle of the Wills

Some children practically potty train themselves, while others struggle and... Read More

Friendships - Helping Children Develop Friendship Skills

Reasearch into children's friendships shows that those children who are... Read More

Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?

"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More

Lets Not Hurry Children Through Childhood

Have you ever experienced one of those days when you... Read More

How to Help Your Children to Blossom

I am writing this from the beautiful mountains of Western... Read More

Build Character Now! Practical Tools for Busy Parents

"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More

Parenting - Give Your Child The Tools To Build Strong Character And Values

There are many parenting styles. Yours may be very different... Read More

Child Education

The initial state of happiness about an own child is... Read More

How To Be Your Childs Sex Educator

The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More

Helping Your Teen Get Back to School With Clear Skin

Backpack? Check. Notebooks? Check. Ink-pens? Check. Clear Skin? Mommmm!If you... Read More

Help Your Child Do Better in School

1. Create... Read More

5 Ways To Help Your Kids Do Math

Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More

Who Will Be Their Guardian?

If you are like most people today, you do not... Read More

Secret Of Your Genuis Child

Here is a top secret to make your child genius... Read More

7 Easy Ideas for Organizing Kids Artwork

In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint... Read More

Work Before Play

Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More

O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..