Is there a difference between lazy and unmotivated? Why do some children move as if in slow motion? Is this normal or are they just trying to irritate you? You may be surprised to learn that a great many factors come into play when a child appears to be lazy; stage of growth, hormones, hunger, motivation, lack of clear directions and maybe even sleep deprivation.
I have never taught my workshop of "Kids, Chores & More" when there hasn't been at least two parents of 11 year old boys lamenting that their sons are so lazy. Actually, they aren't lazy. They are growing. It takes so much energy for young boys to develop muscles, long bones etc. that they don't have much left over to run the vacuum or take out the garbage.
FOOD AND REST MAKE A BIG DIFFERNCE.
I also found, with our son at that age, that what I regarded as an attitude problem was solved somewhat by making sure he had plenty of food and adequate rest. He was growing so fast that it took many more calories to just get through the day than it had months before. It was a real eye opener to us to find that he needed 3,000 calories a day and ten hours of sleep.
MAKE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF THE CHILD
While no two children and their families are exactly alike, careful studies and reports of thousands of normal children have made it possible to somewhat monitor the ages and stages of a growing child. While doing research on motivating kids to help at home, it was obvious that parents were frustrated by the lack of willingness to pitch in and do their share of household maintenance.
In my books and workshops I stress the importance of evaluating the physical, mental and emotional levels of each age group. Perhaps the task is too hard, or even too easy. It may be that your child is overwhelmed by the assignment or even unchallenged. Surprisingly, children like a project that they can succeed with but that allows them some creativity. So instead of just assigning the dishes to be unloaded, how about asking for the dish cupboards to be cleaned and rearranged.
ALLOW THEM TO OWN THE PROBLEM
Parents frequently complain that the children are not doing their tasks, but what they really feel is that they are not being done "the right way" which is their way. When the child knows that the parent will complain, redo or criticize the work, it is easier to not start. While it is not necessary, nor honest to praise work that is done sloppy, it is not our job to redo or to criticize the worker. If the job truly belongs to the child, then allow them to do it in their way.
In any new endeavor, it takes about five months of consistent, daily attention before it becomes automatic action. In order to change habits, we may have to try many different tactics. Children easily become bored, and we forget to follow through.
Most children thrive on structure, routine and schedules. When we set limits and realistic expectations it gives a sense of security and boundaries which are actually comforting to the child. Many parents, me included, often think our children dislike limits because they test them so often.
However, children are just testing the boundaries and rules because they seek frequent reassurance that we mean what we say and are prepared to enforce the limits. Hopefully, we have discussed the rationale of said limits in a family council and there is a clear understanding of the rules and consequences and they understand that our role is not a slave driver, but rather a kind and loving parent who will give loving guidelines which will enrich their life and teach them to self govern.
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY
Many of the irritating things a child does on daily basis at home happen because the child doesn't know any better, is incapable of handling the task or because he or she is trying to get our attention. If we can combine appropriate working principles with positive and encouraging attention, our homes are bound to be more functional and happy.
So, don't give up! Be determined to work as a family to become more aware of what needs to be done to keep daily life running smoothly. Make a conscious effort to gather the tools, learn new skills, practice innovative methods and face each day with a positive expectancy that you and your family will succeed.
Good luck and God bless. You do the most important work in the world.
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator
This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.artichokepress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com
executive chauffeured services Bradford .. Madison to Airport carI remember watching my 18-month-old son eat a big frosted... Read More
As a parent you will be asked to assist with... Read More
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
Most of us can agree that there is a lack... Read More
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a... Read More
In today's fast-paced society, many families depend on some form... Read More
I've learned numerous, important lessons on life, motherhood and men... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
Is there a fathering instinct?Celebrated child development expert Erik Erikson... Read More
"Just turn the lights off and go to sleep"Do you... Read More
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for... Read More
Identity and Your Fraternal TwinFor the most part, throughout this... Read More
Q. What is the best way to teach safety awareness... Read More
Potty training fears, often called toilet terrors, are common among... Read More
After giving up my profession to become a wife, a... Read More
In speaking with parents a comment I frequently hear is... Read More
Although many parents are concerned with our children's intelligence quotient... Read More
All responsible parents would want to support their children, find... Read More
Few things are more completely enjoyable than becoming a grandparent.... Read More
As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More
The disquieting behavior of teenagers in the 21st century, is... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
Thank you to all of our professional educators who dedicate... Read More
Once your little boy/girl goes off to school, you may... Read More
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.... Read More
O'Hare Chicago prom limo ..My oldest boy is fifteen and was a real jerk... Read More
Bullies are an ugly but very real part of childhood.... Read More
Past experience with federal education programs predicts that the No... Read More
If you ever walk through an orphanage, it will be... Read More
School authorities continually claim that they want more parent cooperation... Read More
Little Suzy has really been having a hard time getting... Read More
Back to school preparations are in full-swing. Soon, the first... Read More
The purpose of this article is to address some of... Read More
You're trying to catch up on some sleep on a... Read More
Even as a busy parent, I'm sure you've seen a... Read More
Public education in the United States has never been equal... Read More
As a step daughter and step grand daughter, I followed... Read More
Throughout the year, many days of celebration are tucked capriciously... Read More
The advances in science over the past century have been... Read More
I remember when my daughter was born. Visions of her... Read More
For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out... Read More
During one "generation gap" quarrel with his parents young Michael... Read More
Now I know that is not how the song goes,... Read More
Is it possible to be using our children addictively?Anything that... Read More
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
Would you hand a child calculus problems once she was... Read More
It was the homework that did it. Each night became... Read More
Do you have a young child whose weight or eating... Read More
I'm sure many of you have heard that old Hallmark... Read More
Parenting |