Home
>
Parenting
>
Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy

Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy

You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You need to be able to stand back a little, hold your tongue and wait your turn to speak.

Recently, Sam my seventeen year old son, said "No way" to our requests to wear some decent clothes to an upcoming on-stage event. Sam was chosen to read a piece of his written work on stage in front of 200 people in a plush venue the coming Friday night.

Our suggestions to wear a decent set of threads as opposed to the thread-bare, bum hanging out of his pants attire that was his norm was met with defiance. His is jutting jaw and arms folded he said determinedly, "No way, I am dressing for me not for you! I want to feel comfortable on stage, and I won't feel comfortable dressed like a dork."

My experience dealing with him lead to me to believe that meeting him head-on was like waving a red rag to a bull, and he would have only stood his ground and not shifted on principle. I wanted him to feel comfortable with his clothing but also that he needed to dress according to the dictates of the situation. We wanted him to be himself, just a souped-up version of himself for that night.

It was time to instil a few doubts and chip away a little at his suit of defensive armour. I said, "Maybe you won't feel comfortable if the other kids are wearing good clothes and you're not. It can be awful being the odd one out. A bit like the only one wearing fancy dress at a party" He didn't reply but I could see by the look on his face that I had given him something to ponder. Time for a retreat and allow him some time to chew it over.

That evening he brought the matter up to his mother and I. Sue suggested some clothes he might wear. "Why not wear your grey pants, your good black shoes and a shirt?" "No way, not my black shoes, no way," he replied.

"Okay, but if you wear your check shirt then you are making a real fashion statement."

"I could wear my check shirt?"

"Yes, of course. I wouldn't want you to look like a dork on stage."

My wife then left him to think on this. It was obvious that he was thinking, pondering and getting used to the idea of wearing decent clothes and the option we suggested was not such a bad one. We wanted him to think that his choice of clothes was his decision. This is guided democracy at work

On the night of the reading he appeared with freshly pressed grey pants that covered his boxer shorts, black leather shoes and a very smart check shirt. With hair jelled and pointy he scrubbed up well. He looked like we hoped he would look ? like a seventeen year old who had made the effort to bridge the gap between the more conservative adult world and his own adolescent world, at least for a night.

"How do I look? Do you like my clothes?"

His mother threw a huge smile his way, hugged him tight and said, "You look very handsome Sam. Can I go out with you tonight?"

An awkward smile lit up his face and I swear I saw him grow a few centimetres in that instant.

He held out his arm and said, "Mum you're on. Let's go."

As he walked out the door with an air of confidence I knew that we had made the right decision to push him to dress appropriately. I also knew that it had to be his decision to wear decent clothes ? he just needed to be given some time and a few things to think about in the meantime.

Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print.

For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.

high-end home cleaning Des Plaines ..

In The News:

X Square Robot unveils Wall-OSS open-source AI model that helps robots adapt to unpredictable real-world tasks beyond narrow scenarios.

Airport workers report surge in fake lost luggage claims as scammers retrieve discarded baggage tags containing passenger names and travel information.

Unlike robotaxi competitors, Tensor focuses on consumer-owned self-driving cars that adapt to highways and urban roads with full redundancy systems for safety.

Medicare scams cost $54 billion in 2024 as fraudsters target beneficiaries with fake calls demanding payments and personal information to steal benefits.

Scammers create fake Evite invitations that mimic legitimate event emails, requiring users to verify senders and use antivirus software for protection.

The new Apple Watch hypertension feature passively monitors blood pressure patterns over 30 days using sensors to detect chronic high blood pressure signs.

Chrome extension spyware disguised as a free VPN service highlights security risks after it captured private browsing data from trusted sites.

New research shows how fatty acids in cooking oil can safely dissolve and recover silver from circuit boards without harmful chemicals or environmental damage.

The Fox News AI newsletter gives you information on the latest AI technology advancements, and about the challenges and opportunities AI presents now and for the future.

Anthropic investigates alarming AI abuse case where hacker automated entire cybercrime campaign using Claude, stealing sensitive data from defense and healthcare firms.

TikTok, Meta and YouTube restrict Charlie Kirk shooting videos with age gates and warnings while X faces criticism for allowing continued circulation.

Cybercriminals use fake troubleshooting websites to trick Mac users into running terminal commands that install Shamos malware through ClickFix tactics.

San Francisco startup Fable launches Showrunner, an AI platform dubbed the 'Netflix of AI' that generates animated episodes from text descriptions with Amazon support.

Apple raised iPhone prices for some models despite receiving tariff relief from President Donald Trump, with the new lineup starting at $799 for the base model.

A two-story 3D concrete printed home in Western Australia demonstrates faster construction methods that could reshape American housing amid rising costs.

Credit scores remain important during retirement for insurance rates and housing applications, while seniors become prime targets for identity theft and financial scams.

Scammers now send unexpected packages with QR codes that redirect victims to fraudulent websites or download malicious software to steal sensitive information.

Meeting AI tools record private conversations alongside work discussions, creating privacy risks that can be managed with proper settings and awareness.

Hotel privacy concerns are valid but rare, with methods to detect hidden tech using smartphone flashlights, mirror tests and scanning apps.

Improve your Wi-Fi speed and reliability with 10 simple router optimization tips that don't require special apps or expensive subscriptions.

A Columbia University breach exposed names, Social Security numbers and academic records of nearly 869,000 people, with notifications beginning in August.

Rental car drivers use AI-powered apps like Proofr to protect themselves from unfair damage fees as major companies deploy automated inspection tools.

Fox News' AI newsletter brings you the latest on technology advancements around artificial intelligence.

OnTrac data breach between April 13-15, 2025, exposed personal information of over 40,000 people including Social Security numbers and medical records.

Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy

Parenting