Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourth
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?
The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.
Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.
WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?
If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
? Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
? What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
? Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
? Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.
Tips for parents:
? Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
? Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
? Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
? Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
? Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
? Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
? Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
? Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
? Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
? Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
? Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
? Teach self-respect.
? Give numerous positive comments to your child.
? Avoid labeling or name-calling.
? Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
? Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
? Stress the importance of body language.
? Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
? Teach positive self-talk.
? Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.
There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why
people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being
bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All
of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, ? How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.
Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.stoppingschoolviolence.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around... Read More
It's a familiar scene: Kids screaming at each other, complaining... Read More
As parents, we love our children and want to do... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom -... Read More
A parent writes in, ``We are having a hard time... Read More
Chaim Ginott was a schoolteacher whose ideas and observations helped... Read More
Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of... Read More
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes... Read More
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman... Read More
Many public schools not only fail to educate our children,... Read More
We want our children to do the right thing, especially... Read More
Your Virgo Baby..August 23 - September 22Virgo children are honest... Read More
Bi-Polar Disorder, or Manic Depression, is characterized by mood swings,... Read More
In this form of treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder... Read More
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
Not Letting Them Think.We all implicitly know that anything questioning... Read More
Fall marks the beginning of many new things both for... Read More
There is a front line and a back end to... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Dan Rather made a significant and tactical error and got... Read More
Many families, ours included, have learned that breakfast is eaten... Read More
There are many reasons for treating your twins as individuals... Read More
recurring housekeeping Des Plaines ..Studies have shown that:1 out of 4 children were sent... Read More
Teachers know that children thrive in an environment with routines,... Read More
Let's face it: raising children can be quite the adventure.... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
Just two days ago, another 15-year old child was added... Read More
The First Reason: For one thing, child development experts are... Read More
The biggest complaint you hear from parents about their children... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
Self esteem in an important quality for all children to... Read More
Your child's teacher says that you need to find out... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
Are you feeling overwhelmed being a parent? Do you want... Read More
Should a parent give a child a tangible reward when... Read More
Not many things are more upsetting than discovering that your... Read More
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More
Parents, do you have children who do poorly in school,... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
Are you worried about your child's reading habits? Perhaps you... Read More
Imagine you were the principal of the school that your... Read More
1. The Law of the BeastAs parents we need to... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Angie was brought up by rigid, authoritarian parents who kept... Read More
Saying no to our children is not always easy or... Read More
There's a phrase that's become popular over the past few... Read More
Strollers offer a wonderful and convenient service to parents and... Read More
Parenting |