Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourth
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?
The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.
Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.
WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?
If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
? Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
? What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
? Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
? Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.
Tips for parents:
? Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
? Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
? Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
? Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
? Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
? Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
? Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
? Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
? Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
? Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
? Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
? Teach self-respect.
? Give numerous positive comments to your child.
? Avoid labeling or name-calling.
? Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
? Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
? Stress the importance of body language.
? Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
? Teach positive self-talk.
? Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.
There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why
people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being
bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All
of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, ? How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.
Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.stoppingschoolviolence.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
In a consumer-driven society that broadcasts values you don't approve... Read More
Arabella Greatorex, owner of The Natural Nursery, reports on the... Read More
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More
As I sit here and reflect on the past two... Read More
"Hugging is healthy: it helps the body's immunity system, it... Read More
The debate in many towns continues throughout this country about... Read More
Ritalin is a good medication with a bad reputation. Its... Read More
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I... Read More
There are many things to like about the television show... Read More
In our last issue we posted some of our suggested... Read More
Checking accounts are an absolute necessity these days. You can... Read More
Today's dads are more hands-on than ever before and their... Read More
For any parent, learning that a convicted sex offender lives... Read More
Here are some things that you can do to help... Read More
How to Get Your Child to Love Reading was conceived... Read More
When David was nine and Laura was twelve, the battles... Read More
Giving advice to a teenager is very easy; getting a... Read More
A study done by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute found... Read More
Does this sound familiar? Have your kids not listened to... Read More
How excited do kids get with the start of school... Read More
In June, elementary school children across North America cheered as... Read More
"To educate a person in mind and not in morals... Read More
Much has been said about the "gifted child" but in... Read More
Just a couple of years ago Annie helped her parents... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
same day cleaning service Morton Grove ..In an actual war, to be attacked means to have... Read More
It's back to school time again. Does the thought of... Read More
The techniques of managing relationships between parents and their children... Read More
Being a single mother is no easy task. I know.... Read More
"Get down from the table top right now! What are... Read More
For the first year or two of life outside the... Read More
As parents, we want our children and teens to grow... Read More
Many companies advertise their products as being educational. How much... Read More
Not too long ago my teenage daughter approached me with... Read More
NY -- Strange as it may sound, bordom promotes happier,... Read More
Are you considering a car wash fundraiser for your group?... Read More
Words are truly powerful things. They are something that becomes... Read More
Child care costs are are one of the most expensive... Read More
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse... Read More
It can be said that any man who procreates is... Read More
Here's the scene of communication with your child: your three-year-old... Read More
For many years underparenting was perhaps the biggest problem facing... Read More
What is child sexual abuse? Any sexual activity that is... Read More
IntroductionAs a parent who wants the best for your children,... Read More
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The... Read More
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More
Before my daughter was born my house was... Read More
Did you know that the number of twin births have... Read More
"I took care of Callie," my three-year-old announced.Callie had been... Read More
As parents, we strive to address all of the questions... Read More
Parenting |