Keith is now in the fourth grade and he dislikes school. For a fourth
grader, this does not sound right. The reason Keith dislikes school though
does not have anything to do with academics. Keith is being bullied before
school, at school, and on the school bus. Who can blame him for not wanting
to go into that environment?
The basic definition of bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying
things to have power over another person. Bullying involves crossing into
one's space without permission.
Isn't bullying just something that happens to all children and we're just
making a fuss over this? The children will get over it, right? Shouldn't we
tell Keith to grow up and handle it? Wrong. Bullying happens to far too many children and adults shouldn't be ignoring it.
WHAT CAN A PARENT DO?
If Keith is being bullied and he is not reporting it to his parents then
there are some very important questions to address.
? Why wouldn't he tell his parents?
? What message have Keith's parents sent to him about bullies?
? Does Keith's parents have a history of dismissing what he says?
? Possibly Keith's parents have had a habit of getting too involved in
solving his problems.
Tips for parents:
? Encourage your child to report any bullying incidents to you.
? Validate your child's feelings. It is normal for your child to feel
hurt, sad, and angry.
? Ask your child how he/she has tried to stop the bullying. Asking
questions is a wonderful way to have your child do the thinking.
? Ask how is he/she going to solve this. We want the child to do the
thinking before we jump in. See how many options he can come up with.
? Coach your child in alternatives. Ideally the best solution is having your child solve this without anyone interfering. Most of the time unfortunately, this isn't possible. Share these strategies: avoidance is often an excellent
strategy, playing in a different place, play a different game, stay near a
supervisor, look for new friends, join social activities outside of school.
? Talk with your child's teacher. Make sure they are aware of what is
going on.
? Encourage your child to seek help from other school personnel.
? Volunteer to help supervise activities at school.
? Do not ignore your child's reports. Ignoring them sends the wrong
message.
? Do not confront the bully or the bullies' family.
? Teach your child how to defend him or herself.
? Teach self-respect.
? Give numerous positive comments to your child.
? Avoid labeling or name-calling.
? Let your child know it is okay to express their anger. There are
positive and negative ways to express anger, we want to teach and model the
positive ways.
? Let your children stand up to you now and then. It makes it more
likely they will stand up to a bully.
? Stress the importance of body language.
? Teach your child to use 'I' statements.
? Teach positive self-talk.
? Teach how to use humor, 'out crazy' them. For example, if the bully
says to Keith, "Hey, boy you're ugly." Keith can respond in a couple
different ways:
"Thanks for sharing"
"Yes, I know, I always have been"
"Yes, today's lunch was disgusting" then walk away.
There is many other aspects of bullying to look at: Why your child is the victim, why
people bully, what you child can do if he/she is bullied, signs your child is being
bullied, what the schools should be doing, handling the school bus issues. All
of these are addressed in The Shameful Epidemic, ? How to protect your child from bullies and school violence.
Visit www.stoppingschoolviolence.com to learn what is possible. There are solutions.
Derek and Gail Randel M.D. are parent coaches who have customized programs
for corporations, schools, and parent groups. They can be reached at Parent Smart from the
Heart, 1-866-89-SMART, www.stoppingschoolviolence.com , www.stoppingschoolviolence.com or
www.stoppingschoolviolence.com
All of us, including your child, entered this world equipped... Read More
"All that I am or ever hope to be, I... Read More
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help... Read More
Most parents can hardly wait for their baby to say... Read More
1. They are leaders as well as parents. They don't... Read More
Blink. That's all we did, blink, and summer is ending... Read More
Having a baby is one of the most exciting times... Read More
So, the thing is? I am feeling a little guilty.I... Read More
Uh oh.Your kids arrive home with their school reports and... Read More
What is the mystery of motherhood? I know that when... Read More
Beyond cases reported to authorities, little knowledge exists on the... Read More
Direct Answers - Column for the week of May 31,... Read More
The law of -ing.The law of -ing refers to a... Read More
What should the goals for counseling be when the patient... Read More
What do you mean average? Not good? Just doing good... Read More
The girl's jaw dropped in horror as the police officer... Read More
"Becoming a parent can make you a better worker," New... Read More
Start some gardening traditions with your kids. Give them their... Read More
Many people still think that the game of chess is... Read More
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence.... Read More
Vouchers, which give tax money to parents to pay for... Read More
Did you know that cooking with your kids is a... Read More
It's no joy to be sick. It's even less joy... Read More
An address given by Rev. David B. Smith... Read More
Last night Tom's daughter, Sue, came out of her room... Read More
reliable home cleaners Buffalo Grove ..Parents are losing their self-control to anger. A friend called... Read More
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the... Read More
Learning responsibility is an ever widening and lifelong process.As thinking,... Read More
"There is nothing new under the sun," states Ecclesiastes 1:9.... Read More
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention... Read More
Over a number of years there have been issues raised... Read More
Incest is sexual activity, ranging from fondling to intercourse, between... Read More
Mommy (Daddy), Why do those people want to hurt everyone?Last... Read More
John Bishop's Goal Setting for Students.comParents ? Minimize Homework Hassles?It's... Read More
There are two methods for teaching children to read; whole... Read More
Successful families don't just happen. They take time, talent and... Read More
As mothers, we play so many different roles and most... Read More
When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my... Read More
Most teens go into the work world ill-prepared to manage... Read More
Last week in my newsletter, I mentioned that... Read More
The citizens of the early Roman Republic enjoyed an education... Read More
Q. With the school year just beginning, what can we... Read More
Children do what feels good to them and follow their... Read More
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy,... Read More
I know as a single parent or even with 2... Read More
The Theme from MASHI flipped the button on the remote... Read More
For any of you Moms out there that are doing... Read More
Q. I need your help with a question about my... Read More
Late vs. Too LateEvery now and then, I'll hear a... Read More
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding... Read More
Parenting |